Vampire on Bikini Beach

I saw this movie twice. The first time was on "USA Up All Night" when I left my friends at some bar where the girls weren't biting and went home to watch TV, still more than a little drunk. The second time was more recently, middle-aged like I am now and stone-cold sober.

The movie itself is nothing to write home about. Like a lot of "USA Up All Night" movies, it is very, very low-budget. It is a complete failure as a vampire movie and only a little better as a bikini movie (there is some nudity, but precious little, and it would have been edited out on "USA Up All Night" anyway). The best part of the movie though was when "USA Up All Night" host Gilbert Gottfried did a fake commercial for an album of the "Greatest Hits of Bob's Band". "Bob" is the completely untalented boyfriend of the lead bikini-clad bimbo in this movie. His band has all of two songs (both awful) and the commercial just scrolled these two songs over and over while "Bob's Band" plays them "live" in scenes from this dumbass movie. I fell out of the chair laughing. It was the best time a young guy could possibly have in the early 90's all by himself on a Saturday night with all his clothes on.

Seeing this movie later, eh. It's not really worth it. It REALLY needs Gilbert Gottfried.

This movie not only looks dated, but it actually looks older than 1988 considering Star Wars was made a decade earlier back in late 70s. And the beach sequences are far and too few in between with most of the action happening in clubs, restaurants, clothing stores, and dark hallways. It is easy to see why these kids are frustrated since they are left with the lame music to listen to in an era rich in music legends. This movie would have been better titled "Beach kids go to Halloween."

...the worst movie I've ever seen.

It's not even mock-worthy.

The bad music, bad sound, bad singing, bad dubbing, bad acting, bad storyline, bad sets, embarrassingly bad dialogue...who ever thought this should be made?

I've always been a connoisseur of bad movies (Caged Fury, Vampire Lovers), and I thought this would be good for laughs. As we watched it, my husband leaned over and said - for the first time after eight years of watching bad movies with me - that I owed him big for this one.

This is the first comment I've ever posted on IMDb, and I am doing it specifically to warn people not to waste their time. There are dozens of fun B movies that are a blast if seen with the right people - this is not one of them.

Vampires on Bikini Beach (1988) - This is a low-budget horror movie that flew so far under my radar when it was made I don't remember even hearing or seeing the title. I must have been on a date or sleeping when Gilbert Gottfried showed it on USA's Up All Night in the early 1990s.

I totally stumbled across it last night by surfing on Tubi. TV, and figured it was worth a whirl.

And it was. Seriously. You can believe all of the scathing reviews and warnings to "avoid it at all costs." Or you can check it out for yourself on Tubi. TV for free. For me, it was just fine.

Cinematic brilliance? Hey, come on. We're talking a micro-budget horror film from the 1980s involving a vampire and a beach filled with girls in bikinis who have never acted before.

Let's just say, I found it likeable, from the goofy-looking vampire and his cohorts, to all of the main characters. Especially one. But I'll talk about her in a few... The gist is that a group of fun-loving girls meet these guys in an 80s rock band that plays in a nightclub.

The lead singer, Bob (Stephen Matthews), hooks up with Kim (Nancy Rogers), while the drummer, known as Weird Harold (Todd Kaufman), digs Judy (Jennifer Badham). Clarke (Amanda Hughes) and Wynette (Jennifer Jostyn) are two other chicks in their group who don't have guys, but they hang around a lot.

These are not good times in this Venice, California. There have been killings of young girls, who are found with bite marks on their necks and their bodies drained of blood. Naturally, the rumor is that there is a vampire on loose.

It's not a rumor. It's true.

Falto (Mariusz Olbrychowski) is an ancient vampire who has a coven of cultists, led by bizarre-looking Demos (William Hoo). Falto is tired of eternal life, and wants to find a girl who will love him for eternity, and drive the stake of love through him. Weird concept, but whatever.

When our likeable young friends randomly come into the possession of a manuscript the cult had called "Book of the Dead," it brings them all together in a crazy concoction of music, drinking, bikini wearing, flirting, love making, demonology, blood sucking and murder.

I'll admit, it's a messy story. I kind of lost track on where A was supposed to lead directly to B. But I really didn't care. There is a basic plot that you can follow, and it has a satisfactory ending.

Plus, it has Nancy Rogers.

Who is Nancy Rogers? I had no idea until I watched this movie. And sadly, I'll never see her again, because this is apparently the only film she ever appeared in.

Rogers reminded me both facially and vocally of an actress from the early 1970s named Joy Bang. Joy Bang did some TV work, before hitting the silver screen. She was in eight movies, only two of which can be described as "horror" movies - Night of the Cobra Woman and Messiah of Evil. But she knocked me out in both of them with her cuteness and quirkiness.

Joy Bang's movie career lasted just four years, before she went on to other things. It's too bad. I think she could have made a memorable screen queen.

As for this movie, I'm good with it. If you love low-budget, probably flawed, but enthusiastically-acted movies, I'm sure you'll be fine as well.

Vampire on Bikini Beach (1988) was available on Tubi last month. The storyline follows a group of teenage friends in Southern California who accidentally discover the book of the dead. Unfortunately for them, a cult of vampires are after the book to open a gate and take over the world. Can the teenagers stop them?

This movie is written and directed by Mark Headley, in his only directorial project, and stars Jennifer Badham (Men at Work), Stephen Mathews (The Lost Boys) and Jennifer Jostyn (House of 1000 Corpses).

This has a classic 80s feel to it with the hairstyles, attire, slang, soundtrack and cinematography. The best part of the entire movie is the book and the special effects they use to show it's power. Everything else is awful - the dialogue, storyline, kill scenes and villain are all disappointing. There isn't even any nudity in this, maybe a butt shot or two, but no nudity and the female on the poster definitely isn't in this. 😂 Even the love story in this is annoying.

Overall, there's nothing to see here. I would score this a 2/10 and recommend skipping it.