Mad Cows

This is a great film, with lots of funny and moving moments. The production values are high considering it was so low budget and I would highly recommend it on video if you didn't catch it at the cinema......

...no really they did - not just because this film was so awful, but you simply never know! To take some of the UK's finest character actors, take one of the funniest antidotes to 'chick-lit shopping novels' I've ever read to produce this steaming pile of 'god-awfulness' beggars belief. Okay, so casting 'talent Dyson' Anna Friel wasn't the greatest idea ever but Joanna Lumley and Greg Wise couldn't even carry it on their (absolutely!) fabulous shoulders. These types of movie are one of the reasons that the UK film industry is still flagging ('cough...nepotism...ahem). The director tried some bold moves and techniques but poor Anna just wasn't worthy of them. My partner still hasn't forgiven me for taking him to this, do you know how many Arnie / Bruce / zombie films I had to (uncomplainingly) sit through as penance? The book is outstanding, her best ever, if you are thinking of renting this movie I urge you to buy a book instead - and if you're not a big reader then you could stick pins in your legs as you watch it, it may help you stay awake.

As a big fan of Kathy Lette's early novels, I was so pleased when I heard they were making this into a film. I now hold my hands up and say I really should be shot for not knowing any better!! This film is an absolute stinker. It is jumpy, makes zero sense and has managed to cut all the good stuff out of the book and just leave the crappy bits. The book verges on the ridiculous but always retains its humour - this film doesn't. I can't quite pinpoint what it is I hate so much about it. Actually, yes I can - everything. It's totally ruined the book for me. I've read it since and could not erase the image of a truly terrible performance from Anna 'Beth Jordache' Friel as Maddy. Give this a wide berth.

Although I didn't expect a masterpiece, I at least hoped for a bit of wit, considering the writer and the cast. However, I was sorely disappointed.

It started horribly when you realised the central character was going to be using a fake Australian accent throughout the film. After that, irritation turned to despair as a feeble plot, uninteresting characters, an excruciating script and very sad jokes were unleashed on the unfortunate audience.

If you ever get a chance to see this film, run away as fast as you can.

I feel compelled to write. This is the in my humble opinion a terrible film. When the script and plot thins it disappears into an MTV collage of images. If you suspend your ideas of reality for a while it could cause the odd smile but this is its only redeeming feature. Tired cameos by quality actors added to the misery. Characters were never introduced, had no depth and ultimately left you cold. Interesting point to watch for me was the investigating detective whose speech impediment vanishes when he reappears in the film. Maybe the effort was too much I certainly felt exhausted by it!