Jacob Two Two Meets the Hooded Fang

Jacob Two Two is the best movie I have ever seen! I am stunned that it did not even get an oscar nod..Gary Busey plays the role of a lifetime, and Jacob is super cool. ICE-T drops some funky raps too! All in all, I have not seen a better movie since The Langoliers. Truly a film for all ages.

I probably came across this at the best time - 3 a.m. while channel surfing. I could not believe this was Gary Busey. And, then, imagine my surprise when I also learned it was Miranda Richardson. What? Were these people at the work house? Had they fallen so low as to do this dreck?

One might possibly term this a warmed over Captain Hook story where for some reason (all right, I did miss the beginning) children were imprisoned by a demented ex-wrestler who demanded that they keep a fog machine in operation so that their prison could remain hidden.

I know this is a children's movie but I don't even think a 5-year-old would have bought this story.

For shame.

This is a story about a kid who is sent to a kid prison that is headed by the Hooded Fang (an evil professional wrestler played by Gary Busey). Jacob has to take on the Fang and liberate all the wrongfully locked up kids. Two things make this movie worth watching, Gary Busey and Ice T, both play their parts hilariously. Busey looks completely coked out the entire film and makes some of the funniest faces I've seen caught on film, Ice T plays a singing judge who is tough on crime and seems to send everyone to the kiddie joint. The songs in this movie are really ridiculous, and thus really funny. Definitely worth the watch but it is no Jingle all the way.

I love the movie. Gary Busey does an excellent villian. The producer and the writer did an excellent job. The plot was good too. The songs are good in here. Ice-T does a good rap song. It's a kid movie, that's for sure. I would show it to my kid. It's pretty weird and pretty good.

Mordecai Richler is a Canadian legend who write many timeless books with the "Jacob Two Two" books being his best books for children. The first "Jacob" book got transitioned into the big screen in the late 1970s that nobody remembers. Twenty years later, a weirder, more disturbing version comes out with a memorable cast that includes Gary Busey as the Hooded Fang.

Jacob Is the youngest in a big family that is scared of everything and us always ignored. He is so used to repeating himself that it becomes habitual, hence the nickname Jacob Two Two.

One day, he sees a professional wrestler called "The Hooded Fang" on tv and his fears reach new heights. Wanting to show he's more grown up, he convinces his parents to let him buy two tomatoes from the local grocer. Jacob is polite, but the mean owner (Maury Chaykin) jokes around with him claiming the six-year-old is harassing him. Jacob makes a run for it but gets knocked out. The majority of the movie is Jacob having a dream of the people he recently encountered.

Jacob is found guilty (by a judge played by Ice T) for harassment and is sent to Slimers Island where all bad children go. Head of the prison is the Hooded Fang. Jacob must overcome his fears and get off the island once and for all. Full of cruelty and scary people, the movie is not a very nice watch. And Slimers Island looks like somewhere familiar to stoners.

You could say that this is a good story about courage and kindness and whatnot, but this 1999 film is not pleasurable. The grocer is mean for his prank, the Hooded Fang is mean, his sidekicks (Mark McKinney & Miranda Richardson) are mean, and all else is extremely bizarre. It is as if the director hates its characters that Richler made. His hatred rubs off into us.

I was 2+2+2 years old just like Two-Two when I first saw this. As a child that young, I liked what I saw. Fast forward, and I see that this is the opposite of good.

1.5/4