Die Hard Dracula

Since I'm an actor/director of features with the same kind of lack of budget and understand how hard it is to even get a production completed, I try to find the good points about them. I can only imagine why this one had 3 different actors play Dracula. That alone is a good reason to see this thing! I have to admit, I wasn't sure if the humor was intentional or not because it seemed to come & go, just like the actor's accents. There were a couple of interesting sight gags that actually got me laughing hard, like a flying coffin! Other then that, it had me thinking "What the h___ is this!". If you're a fan of flicks like "Plan 9......" & "Robot Monster", you'll probably want to see this one.

if i could i would have rated this epic and alluring movie a twelve. it's intense story line compliments the brilliant acting. I thought the set design could have been more intricate but i forgot about it when the dialog was happening. This was sheer brilliance and i highly recommend it. People take these low indie horror film for advantage. The first hint that this movie was going to be a life changing experience was the inspiring title. it intrigued me. When i saw it sitting on the block buster shelf all by it's lonesome i had to grab before anyone else did. I was confused though when i brought to the register and the cashier looked at me funny and began to giggle. i wondered was it because of my purchase or perhaps I'm just funny looking? i figured it was my appearance once i saw he movie. Whoever thought of this was pure genius and i would encourage hen to make a sequel! Please go out and get this movie you won't be disappointed.

I don't know what to say, I am completely nonplussed. The description for this film makes it seem like it would, if not good, at least be funny. I was completely unprepared for what it turned out to be.

Firstly, there is an issue with the quality of the film. The picture is grainy and blurry, the camera-work is shake, there is lots of background noise in the sound and the special effects look like slide transitions in Powerpoint.

Secondly, the acting is atrocious, so wooden, so stiff, so sub par that you need a submarine to go lower. That they use multiple actors to play Dracula doesn't help either.

Thirdly, the story itself is really bad, like it was conjured up in a coffee break or something cause it feels really badly put together, bad stereotypes replacing characters, and a lot of failed attempts at witty dialog replacing action.

When they finally go up against Dracula with an arsenal of weapons, it is rather funny, but the silliness, bad acting, and shoddy quality takes away the fun. Not to mention, far too much time is spent talking about attacking Dracula as opposed to actually doing it.

Strangely, I did not find this movie as annoying, or as aggravating as I should have given the circumstances.

I am honestly surprised at how low a rating this movie has received here. I've seen far worse movies, that have much higher ratings. Don't get me wrong, this is not a good movie, or even a "so bad it's good" movie ( such as "Autumn" (2009) ).

The thing that strikes me as the biggest single issue, is lack of creativity. Every possible chance the director had to suck the life out of this movie, he went for.

Here is a list of some of the issues I had with this little train wreck:

The editing. Many scenes were cut short, most notably the dinner scene. Many more seemed like there was some footage missing. The editing department was not very kind to scene transitions.

The script had to be written by a 12 year old. No adult could have come up with a storyline like this, unless he was very intoxicated.

The twist ending .... What?! Why?! How The?!

The acting. The folks who were in this were trying there best to act, but it is apparent they are not actors.

Sound was OK for the most part, except for certain scenes like the hayloft were noise obscured dialog.

All the central "good" characters were always in the same room.

Character's behavior "out of character" ( to put it mildly ).

Character interactions were very wrong.

Dracula - the whole character was wrong.

Dark blue day-for-night shots.

Plot points brought up, and dropped.

What little set design there were, looked more at home at a high school play, than this movie.

Special effects were so cheap, the movie would have been slightly better without them.

Of all these bad things I have said about this movie, there is 1 good thing I can say. It had some pretty good footage of the Sedlec Ossuary .

Wow! This is like the opposite of good cinema. The camera-work looks just awful, the acting is some of the worst ever seen on screen, and the script is full of clichéd lines, bad puns and characters who don't deserve to be alive. This is quite probably the worst vampire movie ever made!

The film starts off with a weird history of vampires which felt like a bad History channel special. Then we move to the plot that Steven, a teenage boy, has just lost his girlfriend in a jet ski accident, so he travels to Rome for some odd reason. He ends up meeting up with Dr. Van Helsing to kill Dracula who has been sucking the local girls' blood. This is a very flat movie, but it may seem 4-D because it will suck the life right out of you.

Dracula is a bizarre character here. He is played by many different actors. He ranges from normal looking, to looking like a lion or something, to being morbidly obese. And he will change scene by scene. Maybe this was explained somewhere in the movie, but I've now watched this a miserable three times, and not caught it once. To go with Dracula's changing appearance, someone other than the actors provide his voice, and he sounds horrible. Dracula sounds like a bad video game character, only much worse recorded.

The special effects...oh goodness are they special. They include the superimposing of a coffin to a castle overhead shot to appear as the coffin is floating. And in one great scene Dracula throws burning balls at the main characters, which is another spectacular effect. Industrial Lights and Magic should learn something from this masterpiece.

The acting...AUGH!!! Just because a movie is low budget doesn't mean they have to get bad actors, but this was the worst. It's like the director intentionally picked people who couldn't act. There was not a decent acting job in the entire movie, which is somewhat comedic, but also intolerable after a while.

This is a horrible movie. The worst vampire flick. Never will a movie be this bad again, unless a sequel is produced, written and directed by Aaron Seltzer and Jason Friedberg.

My rating: BOMB out of ****. 90 mins. Not rated