Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels

You say you want a great storyline?

You sau you want excellent directing?

You say you want superb writing?

You say you want an amazing cast with incredible acting?

You say you want a musical tracl for the ages?

You say you want to be glued to your seat wonding what comes next?

You say you want the most satisfyig movie you've ever seen?

Well you better think about looking elsewhere because this puppy fais on every measurement except the 38 Double D's.

It's a movie that is basically one step above Troma garbage. A small step at that.

Not sure who put the money up for this fiasco, bt they must have lost a bundle.

For the record, I am a connoisseur of bad movies. Every Sunday I grab a cold 40 (of beer) and watch a bad movie with my buddies. I love movies that try hard, yet make you wonder, "What the hell were they thinking?" We've seen some great ones: Rad, Midnight Madness, Escape from New York, Gymkata, Breakin'...

From the title, Hot Wax Zombies on Wheels, I thought I'd really found a film with promise. Oh how horribly wrong I was! This movie is too bad to even laugh at, let alone with. It's obvious that they weren't even trying. I'm still not sure whether they were trying for horror spoof or just soft porn. Either way, they failed miserably. Even if you could tolerate the bad acting, inane dialogue, and incomprehensible plot, you still won't be able to handle the cartoon sound effects, flying fish in every other scene, and excruciatingly slow pace. Yes, it's even worse than Frankenhooker.

I've never written a review here before, but I felt compelled to do so in the hope that I can prevent others from wasting their time and money on this mess.

This movie is one of the worst I have seen in all of my life (and I've seen very bad movies): it's a total incorehent mess, a comedy of horror that isn't able to bring out a single laugh from you. Even the several nude scenes are ludicrous at best. A movie that need to be buried into hot wax for the rest of time

My only requirement is production value. I'm just not down with 7th grade video projects for the camera club. That brings us to this. This is just friggen pathetic. FIN

You think full body waxing is painful? Then try suffering through this inane travesty, which HAS to be one of the most irritating and incompetently made horror comedies I have ever had the misfortune of suffering through.

Sharon (Jill Miller), a lingerie saleslady and city council member, and Sven (Tre Lovell), a barber and her best friend, team up to stop `Chez Yvonne,' a beauty salon which specializes in the removal of body hair. Using a specially formulated wax treatment, innocent customers are turned into lusty living dead minions who chant `no more pesky body hair' over and over again and have insatiable sex drives. The evil lady in charge, Yvonne Wayne (soft porn actress Gwen Somers in a blonde wig), is a cackling, caped, motorcycle-riding dominatrix who moves from city to city turning folks into `zombies' (the filmmakers didn't bother with any make-up or special effects).

Unmercifully overacted by the entire talent-barren cast, the director (who apparently does not understand the meaning of scene continuity) stoops to using speeded-up film, `comical' sound effects (`boing!,' kazoo, flatulence, etc.) and T&A provided by women who look like they've been around the block (a few thousand times) in an attempt to entertain his audience. He fails miserably. Interjected mid-scene, for no apparent reason other than to pad out the running time, are flashes of the moon or boats or lightning or even military stock footage. I honestly had to stop this video four times and take a breather before I could finish it. Let's hope we never have to hear from director Mike J. Roush or scripter Elizabeth S.J. Bergholz ever again, but after this, it is doubtful we will.

Score: 1 out of 10