Simon Sez - Sauvetage explosif

Get this: Dennis Rodman is an Interpol agent (ha!) living in the cellar of a French monestary with two monk buddies (one fat, one black) who try to battle an evil diabolical villain who plans to use some kind of computer chip thingy to arm a weapon so he can blow up the world (or whatever it is mad movie villains like to do).

This movie is SO LAME! I remember I was vacationing in Nags Head, North Carolina when Cinemax started airing ads for the film and presenting it as some kind of "great film." I thought it looked like total garbage but I watched it anyway, just to laugh at Dennis Rodman.

Good god, it's bad. Is it EVER bad! It's got that distinct crazy directorial style all bad movies of today have - you know, everything's all crazy and over-the-top, ranging from coloring of sets and characters to plots to dialogue to action sequences.

Some of this seems fairly reminiscent of that similarly awful Rodman movie named "Double Team," which co-starred Jean-Claude Van Damme (ha!) and Mickey Rourke (poor Mickey). But any movie with Rourke is at least tolerable...this is not tolerable in the least.

Rodman gets my vote for being one of the worst actors of all time and this movie certainly fits his talents.

I can't find anything good to say about this movie. The acting is poor; the plot seems to have a mind of its own (like a 2-year-old's); the fighting scenes are some of the worst I've ever seen in a movie. They're so unrealistic, it's more like watching a cartoon. Dennis Rodman does seem to try, sometimes. Most of the time, he's just trying, unsuccessfully, to be cool. Half of the characters in this thing seem to be there for comic relief. Seriously, half of them. It's that stupid. Don't pay money to see this movie. And don't EVEN consider buying it.

(r#40)

TV 3, a "quality" TV channel here in Sweden, recently decided to have a bottom 100-marathon and showed BOTH Gigli and this turkey during the same night. Now, I don't know any of TV3's producers personally, but it seems to me like they're torturing us rather than entertaining us. Simon Sez is a "comedy" so offensively stupid, it makes the Scary Movie series look like Bergman films. It seems to have been written by six year olds, for six year olds, but the foul language and violence would be too much for kids, so what was the target demographic, anyway? Oh right, idiots.

Dennis Rodman, professional basketball player (which is always a good sign) stars as Simon, a secret agent of some kind. He takes part in a kidnapping gone wrong. I won't waste any more time explaining the plot because it couldn't have taken more than a few seconds to write it. Simon is accompanied on his mission by annoying white sidekick Nick Miranda (played by excruciatingly unfunny Dane Cook), who desperately wants to be Jim Carrey, and a sexy Emma Sjöberg.

This is not a good movie. It's over-flooded by dumb action, hilariously retarded lines, and annoying characters. My favourite is the English/French/something villain Jérôme Pradon who wants to blow up the Eiffel Tower ("Why? Because it's big and it's beautiful and I'm tired of looking at it!"). Best line since "Frankly, my dear, I don't give a damn". Seriously.

Even the special effects suck. Avoid! And TV3, how about a Coleman Francis marathon next Sunday?

Not only is this an awful movie, it ranks on my bottom 10 of all time. I had very low expectations when I went in to this movie. (I had nothing else to see at the time I was there)This movie is so much worst than I thought possible. I would rather go and watch paint dry than see this again. The sidekick (Nick played by Dane Cook) is so bad that I think that Rob Schneider's part in "Knock Off" was an Oscar performance by comparison. There is not one person in this waste of 90 min of film that can act. Yet it is not bad in the spirit of Airplane. It is just BAD BAD BAD. There is no plot, story or acting. Enough said. You have been warned. Stay away at all costs.

If you're a fan of low-budget action movies such as the works of Jean-Claude Van Damme and Dolph Lundgren, this may be just the film for you. This is the kind of film where you don't laugh at the jokes because they are funny, you laugh at them because they are pathetic attempts to be funny. Instead of interestingly following the plot, you sit back and laugh at the stupidity of it. Also, naturally, amazingly bad acting attempts of Dennis Rodman, Dane Cook and Emma Sjöberg make this movie the complete garbage that it is.

But all this is also why you would want to see this film. I was never bored while watching this film, believe it or not this film is actually packed with action sequences. The director probably realized that neither the "acting" or the "plot" would make this movie enjoyable, even for even one second. And while the action is not well done by any means, it atleast keeps you awake and steals some of your time.