Love Champions

Love Champions (1985)

** (out of 4)

Various couples who are having various sexual issues decide to go to a couple doctors to get some education. Before long everyone is involved in an orgy.

If that plot sounds somewhat familiar that's because director Carlos Tobalina remade his very own 1975 film CARNAL HAVEN. That earlier film is one that I liked as it featured a fun cast and some decent sex but this remake is pretty much watered-down and isn't nearly as memorable.

With that being said, there's nothing wrong with this picture but it just comes across extremely cheap and there really wasn't anything memorable that happened. I guess I did like the fact how these husband and wives were getting it on only to have the doctor jump in on the act and yet neither one seemed to be upset about that. I don't know, I was just think about my wife's reaction if we were messing around and then another chick jumped on me.

As is the case with most Tobalina movies, this one here features the smallest of stories, which is basically just here to get the film started and then it's straight to non-stop sex and of course that leads to an orgy, the director's specialty.

Back in the heyday of theatrical porno movies, Carlos Tobalina/Troy Benny released "Carnal Haven", starring Sharon Thorpe as a sex doctor leading Frisco denizens through exercises to improve their bedroom technique. Fully 20 years later he virtually remade the clunker as "The Love Champions", opening with an aerial shot of the Golden Gate Bridge but staged entirely inside a mansion (with luxury cars sitting outside, representing subliminally the spoils accrued to porn producers as shown in CT's stock shots) where he takes on the role as Doctor Carlos, with star Colleen Brennan (misspelled Brennen in the credits) showing the youngsters the ropes.

Lame intro premise has a judge assigning would-be couples seeking divorces to see sex therapist Brennan before final dissolution of their marriages. Joke of this awful film is that at the end one lady declares: "You didn't really save our marriage, but you made us happy!", CT's feel-good hedonistic message. Running gag is that the good doc is a lecher, but fortunately all of Tobalina's love-making to his femme patients (he insists on personally "servicing" each and every one of them) is omitted.

What's left is tedious and repetitive white-coater action (Tobalina actually wears a white coat with stethoscope dangling around his neck) supervised by Brennan and a tall, unattractive actress as a fellow therapist. Main actors are the couples Tom Byron & Danielle plus less familiar (non-stars) David Derek and Blair Castle/Brooke Fields, former assigned to Colleen while Ms. Unnamed tends to David and Lisa (perhaps our auteur's in-joke reference to the brilliant Frank & Eleanor Perry classic film, an art-house hit in the early '60s). The couples unite with their handlers for a 6 on a bed orgy to climax the lengthy first section of the film.

That leaves half an hour for an uninterrupted orgy to end the show, in which a dozen players hump non-stop on the floor, 7 of them women, with a well-photographed circular daisy chain for the femmes. This orgy is presaged at the beginning of the DVD by highlights, which play better than the tedium that follows.

So we get to see redhead Colleen, better loved in her earlier soft-core incarnation as Sharon Kelly, show us the wonders of the Inca Knot and other legendary gimmicks preciously taught to us fans by Sharon Thorpe. In the latter years of his career Tobalina didn't put much effort into his films, so it's not surprising he would merely repeat himself here, especially since young archivist/distributors with no appreciation of history or quality had not yet come along to unearth crap like his "Carnal Haven", safely gathering dust at the time in his vaults. He did remain wedded to shooting in 35mm till the bitter end, so the footage is watchable if worthless, as it takes more than format (listen carefully, you wet-behind-the-ears porno rescuers of obscure cinema) to make a movie WORTH watching.

This movie is about a sex therapy camp where troubled couples go for counseling. So, the couples arrive, and the doctors and nurses help them with their love lives by teaching them how to pleasure each other, and the staff also joins in on the fun. The couples swing with one another, and the movie ends in a huge orgy, with lots of partner-switching.

The great thing about "Love Champions" is its sense of humor. The acting is too good for porn, and that's what makes it funny. They act out all the foreplay using naughty words while keeping a straight face. It's almost as if you're watching these people through a hidden camera instead of poorly staged-and-scripted lens.

But best of all, the movies great because it looks like it was made in the 70's. (I was really surprised to find out that it was made in 1985.) In the 70's, people looked really natural and they looked like they were really enjoying themselves, which really helps in this world of impersonal porn.

If you can find a copy of "Love Champions," get it.