Les Télétubbies

This is about 1,000 times more bizarre than Barney & Friends (and that show was majorly foozed up). I actually sat through an entire episode, and by the final credits my brain had tied itself into a knot. Oh, and don't worry about me being biased just because I saw only one episode. You wanna know WHY I'm not biased? Tell 'em Johnny:

Johnny: 'Cause all of the episodes are exactly da same! Ha cha-cha-cha!

Thank you. Here's your typical Teletubbies episode: We see a laughing infant child in the sun, a submarine periscope pops up out of nowhere and tells the Teletubbies what to do, and then one of those spinning toy fans appears and blows dust, making the Teletubbies happy. Okay, wanna hear what really happened now? By obeying the sinister periscope slash Big Brother government, and thus making their Sun Baby God happy, the Teletubbies are rewarded with cocaine. Eh-oh...

Here are some more oddities: The fact that the Teletubbies have this insanely eerie vacuum cleaner slash elephant alien. And the inevitable part of the show where a random Teletubby's belly screen shows us some kids coloring or playing. The fun part of that? We get to see the same footage TWICE. Finally, Roger Ebert once complained that kids could only tell the Teenage Mutant Ninja Turtles apart from their color or weapon of choice. I say the same for the Teletubbies. They have no personality and can only be told apart by their weird dangly shape things that sit on their noggins.

Oh, and don't even get me started on Tinki Winki. No, it's not a Magic Bag Tinki, it's your purse. Nope, don't wanna hear it. Nadda! Also, you are PURPLE and the dangly shape that's on your head is an ever lovin' TRIANGLE! Not that there's anything WRONG with that, of course, but I just think it's funny how everyone acts like he's not gay. What, we can't have a gay character in a kid's show? Why not??

In short, this is one crrazy show, wouldn't you say so Johnny?

Johnny: You are correct sir! Yes! Ha cha-cha-cha...

The "Teletubbies" has to be one of the most Nightmare-inducing TV shows ever (save for Barney and the New Nick JR).

Four creepy-looking "creatures" with television sets in their torsos,doing some strange,nonsensical things that don't make sense and probably give you head aches and trippy nightmares.

I know this is a children's show,but I even know some little kids who are afraid to watch these monsters (yes,I'm serious).

Now,the Skeksis from the "Dark Crystal" on the other hand,are even more lovable than the "Teletubbie" things,and they are pretty frighting enough!

When this show came on the scene in Britain in the mid 1990's critics were concerned about the show's target audience since its aimed for children two and under. Eventually PBS picked it up for the American audience and it's been with us ever since.

The show specializes in simple stories, poetry, visuals, dance, and the observation of children in the real world (via the pinwheel shaped windmill transmitting those pictures of children to the Teletubbies on their stomachs).

While the Teletubbies are the equalvent of a one year old (the way they speak is a classic example of it), they seem to have their favorite things. Tinky Winky has his red bag (some think he is Gay icon because of this but its up for debate), Dispy likes his black and white hat, Laa-Laa has her Orange ball that look like a balloon, and Poe has her blue scooter. They each have a special song is they go around their play area called Teletubby Land, but they all love spreading love to each other with their "Big Hugs."

The show also makes use of repetition frequently. Usually when the Teletubbies beg to see, hear, or act something out again, whatever it is. This gives the children to soak something in better the second time it's played out. In the recent shows produced the show begins with a segment called "Teletubbies Everywhere" were the use of a video wall is used and video tricks are used such as duplicated Laa Laa's or whatever.

The Voice Trumpets (which look like Periscopes or upside Golf clubs) seem the govern the Teletubbies. They tell its time for the show, and when to say goodbye. They also sing simple song, and tell simple poems. They can pop up anywhere in Teletubby Land even inside the house they live in.

Teletubbies has proven to be a hit worldwide, and regardless whether or not this should ever gone on the air in the first place or if children's TV is being dumbed down. It could be worse, their is that six foot purple thing. Makes you think twice about bashing the Teletubbies.

This show, if anything, will slow down the development of a child. When the Teletubbies watch a little film clip in their stomach, thats fine... but then they do it "again!" Ask just about any child psychologist... repetition does nothing for a child except bore it. Children learn many times faster than adults, and they take in all that they are going to on one viewing, during the second one, they are just waiting for the show to get on with it. Maybe if you show it to them another day it might do some good, but not 5 seconds later. Also, this show is aimed at children that are still learning to talk, and the Teletubbies speak in a gibberish. Children are listening for words, trying to figure out what they mean and sound like so they can talk as well. Teletubbies will simply confuse them and slow down that learning process. The scenes are all dragged out too long and make the same point too many times. If you want your child to actually learn from what he sees, show him Sesame Street or something. Even letting the child sit in a room while you watch a soap opera is going to give them a better idea of the English language than this show.

The Teletubbies is a UK show about four stubby aliens who live on a giant miniature golf course. They walk around the course doing simpletonic tasks and eating alien toast. Their only means of communication is nonsensical jabbering and slight English-sounding words. Every once in a while a talking shower head rises out of the turf and gives them instructions to please the sun which is really a giant baby's head inside of a sun. Then a giant pinwheel beams messages directly into their cerebral cortexes and their abdominal area becomes a projector. Their stomachs usually show small films about children going on adventures, or less exciting things. One time it showed five kids jumping. Just jumping, for five minutes.

If none of this makes sense, watch the show, it probably won't make any more sense, but it might.