Total Force

When I was flipping around the channels, I came across this gem. No joke, I seriously thought it was a parody. But no, the truth is much sadder, it was a real movie.

I sat there, in awe, until the end of the movie.

The whole thing looks like a home video! It's hilariously bad! It's one of those movies with the SUPER cheesy lines, extremely horrible fight scenes, stone age special effects... and yet, I was having a good time watching it! It's one of those movies which are laughably bad, kind of like Manos: The Hands of Fate. You know it's horrible, yet you can't stop staring and simply laughing!

An unbelievably bad, amateur quality action/adventure film shot at the docks and warehouses of Long Beach, CA. Be sure to take some dramamine before watching this one, because the jerky camera style of filming is taken to new extremes. Standard terrorist / mad scientist / corrupt government officials (including the President) plot. Watch for the incredibly inappropriate use of NASA and Desert Storm stock footage. This film approaches Ed Wood in ineptness. Richard Lynch - your career is over.

This movie was absolutely terrible. In fact it has gained the honor of being the first movie we have ever decided to burn due to the total un-rewatchability (ignorance is the only reason for original viewing).

First of all, Steven W. Kaman (aka Iven Nuvo, you aren't fooling anyone), what on earth were you thinking? I would have loved to have been a fly on the wall with the movie studio as you went over the plot of this movie. Kaman: "A mad scientist, will create an incredible weapon called the 'neurolator', things go wrong, special task forces and terrorist are called in, and then things blow up, and did I mention, the special task forces best friend is a talking pie?" Movie Studio "Kaman, you've done it again!"

(sadly there was no actual talking pie)

I really just wonder if Kaman (or anyone else associated with this movie) would show this movie to their friends or family and expect good reviews. I believe people make movies believing they are good, but the general public does not agree. I can't believe anyone involved with this movie could believe it was good at any point.

We have watched many a bad movie, but this one has taken the cake (and vomits all over it with its crappiness).

Truly atrocious. (Note to self, never have a security camera five). (Second note to self, build up sector 213 only to move to sector 214) (Third note to self, there is a sequel, BEWARE!)

Total Force (1997)-Zero Stars

Directed By: Steven Kaman (AKA: Sven Nuvo) Starring: Timothy Bottoms, Frank Stallone, Richard Lynch and a special appearance by Robert Z'dar

"Total Force" is a total mess.

The plot, if you can even call it such a thing, involves Dr. Edmund Wellington (Lynch) who has a super hi-tech Military weapon. Drake (Bottoms) is a tough soldier who only wants to drink beer and watch football, when he is not kicking and punching dudes. Frank Stallone joins the fray as Jack O'Hara, the swarthiest Irish gangster ever. O'Hara has his own reasons for pursuing Drake and it all comes to a head at a marina.

Confusing, baffling, amateurish, incoherent, disjointed, irritating, and unexplainable are the nicest things we can say about this cinematic sludge that came directly from the sewer and into your VCR. Even the unannounced and sadly too brief appearance from the great Robert Z'Dar (as "Test Subject", doing his best "Incredible Hulk" impression) can't save this dreck.

Timothy Bottoms, a dead ringer for George W. Bush, so much so that he was cast as the former prez in the TV Movie "D.C. 9\11: Time Of Crisis" AND in the short-lived sitcom "That's My Bush!" phones in his performance as Drake...but then again, wouldn't you? Frank Stallone should stick to his music career if he is going to appear in roles like this.

Of course this is a movie that would be directed by a Sven Nuvo. You got to admit, it's a great cast, but they are under the shoddy direction of Nuvo, they are under-utilized.

Most people couldn't sit through the whole thing, this is an insult to movie-making. Amazingly enough, there is a sequel!: "Absolute Force". I guess the story wasn't complete...and it may never be.

Totally force yourself to watch this tonight!

Comeuppance Review by: Ty & Brett

For more insanity, please visit: comeuppancereviews.com

YUK YUK YUK!!!! how did this film ever get released, its the worst film ive ever seen, (well next to Gladiator) the filming looked like someone had just filmed it with a normal every day handiecam, it was that bad. If you see this movie on the shelf of any video shop then ask the manager of that store if hes lost his mind by buying this movie.

Its not even good enough to rate.