Atomic Train

Oh... no, wait. That's right. IT DID!!! This was on the "Rent three movies, get the 4th one free" rack. That should have been the first clue. I thought, "I'd watch anything with Mena Suvari in it." but, no. I'll never watch this again even if a later Director's Cut shows her wearing just a smile in a deleted scene. This movie, and ones like it, are a clear illustration as to why I usually fold laundry and do the ironing while I watch. Even if the movie sucks - as this one did, hard enough to pull a bowling ball through a garden hose - it's not a total waste of 2 hours. At least I got the laundry done. Oops, I need this to be ten lines. Okay, this movie, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, really, sucked.

For lack of a harsher adjective, this movie was bad. I suppose you're not surprised, considering it's a TV movie with the requisite impossible plot, wimpy soundtrack and endless....endless.......poor writing.

My only question: Why on earth did Mena Suvari do this movie?

Actually this movie isn't so bad for a Made for TV Action Movie. Of course everything was over the top and the acting was sub par. It was the type of movie that if it can go wrong it will. You keep asking yourself can anything go right for these People????? and then nothing goes right for them. It is just one of those movies you have to watch and let the mind wander and enjoy this movie is best watched if you have a big storm outside and you can't go anywhere so might as well sit back and have fun.

Of course there are plot holes you can drive a Steam Train Through. But what Made for TV movie doesn't. Some Charters are droped before the first half of the movie is over and you never see them again and you go through the rest of the movie wondering if they will ever show up again.

My biggest gripe of the movie is some of the actions of the Charters get them into the Problems they have. If only they follow the Rules or directions this movie wouldn't have had the same Ending it did. Just following the Rules would of caused the Train to have a happy ending.

But don't worry it is a Great time killer full of hammy acting and Cheap FX.

The piece starts interestingly enough, as a train carrying hazardous materials and a contraband nuclear warhead rattles its way across the mountains towards Denver with a serious case of brake-failure. The film never quite manages to be the action-adventure flick that the its creators probably intended (my fellow Dayton-ian Rob Lowe as Action Man?), but it does rather start to work as a comedy - a comedy of errors. Just when you think you've reached the end of your bad luck day, yet another incredible coincidence comes up that plunges the characters into harm's way.

I won't give away any of the various plot twists, but my wife and I started to laugh every time an ignorant walk-on character delivered a line like: "I've got to do something right now, because lives are at risk". This is, perhaps, one thing that distinguishes this film from other American-made catastrophe flicks: it does not glorify the plucky non-professional and well-meaning individualist who rebells from authority but then manages to save the day anyway. (Sorry, Bruce Willis.) These sorts of "rugged individuals" (i.e., stupid but well-meaning folk) keep recurring - mostly as cannon fodder for the ever-increasing body count.

Perhaps the moral of the movie could be summarised as, "this is what happens when you don't listen to the people in charge", or even, "no good deed goes unpunished". Unfortunately, the President of the US himself (played by reliable character actor Edward Herrmann) is given the unsavoury task of delivering the trite and didactic concluding thoughts near the end of the piece.

Come on, Rob, you are better than this train wreck waiting to happen.

I thought the first half of the movie was good enough for a TV movie once you get past the impossible premise. I look at the second half of the movie as two hours of my life I will never get back! The movie is worth renting for the family for a few dollars just so you don't have to sit through all the commercials (it comes to video on Sept. 21). Watch the first half, then turn it off and you'll be O.K., but if you're looking for a high-quality movie, though, you'll need to keep looking.