The Final Sacrifice

That is about the extent of the plot. This nerdy kid finds a map that belonged to his dad who was killed. Evil cult members in ski masks and tank tops come after Troy (the nerdy kid), because they want the map (which is to a supposedly lost city, but really a map to a great big pop-up book). They are led by a guy in a coat who doesn't have to wear a ski mask. Troy runs from the cult members and gets into the back of a truck belonging to Zap Rowsdower the hero of the flick (the most original name I have ever seen in a movie). The hero has a few health flaws and seems to have the hardest time running from one action scene to another because he is always out of breath. You get to see Troy and Zap uncover the ancient map room complete with leaking plumbing. You get to see zap and the bad guy fight with torches and grappling hooks (I always find grappling hooks just lying around). You get to see really bad car chases, bicycle chases, and 10k runs up a mountain. And you'll meet Yosemita Sam's older brother as well. If this sounds like your movie, feel free to check it out, but be warned it isn't as good as I made it out.

as bad if not worse than "overdrawn at the memory bank." There's no hero like Zap rowsdower. In fact there's no hero. No plot either. The ending where Zap looks at his tattoo and it is gone for no apparent reason is great !!!!

OK, hands down, The Final Sacrifice is the best Mystery Science Theater 3000 episode. I'm still laughing every time I think of this movie, it's just, how do movies like this get green lighted? Or did the director ever stop and wonder if he was making a good movie? The acting and characters were just so unintentionally laughable, it's insane. I can't believe they gave the "hero" a name like Zap Rasdower, that's such a stupid name, but it made for a good laugh, that's for sure. The kid, Troy, looked like such a Lord of the Rings type of dork(no offense to the LOTR fans, it's cool that you like it)that you couldn't help but wanna get inside the film and knock the books out of his hands. The villain or Canadian villain Garth Vador had this ridicules voice, and were did Mike Piper get his voice? Was Yo Sammity Sam like his inspiration? This is just such a ridicules story.

Troy is looking for who caused the death of his father, he finds a map that is supposed to lead him to a lost world. But this cult lead by Garth Vador is after him and wants him dead and wants the map, but Troy outsmarts them by getting on his ten speed bike to out run them. He gets off his bike and hitches a ride with Zap Rowsdower and together they go to find out what this is all about and why Troy's father died. Maybe they can also find out why Rowswer is a... hopeless drunk.

The Final Sacrifice is one of those movies you'll never believe got made, it's just so laughable. I highly recommend the Mystery Science Theater 3000 version, it's just beyond funny, I loved every moment in that episode. But I hope the director watched that episode because I wanna see a Zap and Troy spin off, that would be an awesome show with an occasional guest appearance of Mike Pipper. I smell the Emmy's coming for best new show, lol.

1/10

As far as abysmally crappy movies go, The Final Sacrifice isn't so bad. Sure, it's technically inept in just about every way, features horrible dialogue, and doesn't have a character in the entire film with a realistic name (the fact that the director signs his checks "Tjardus Greidanus" goes a long way towards explaining this phenomena), but it's got something most films in its class lack: heart. I'd say Greidanus is akin to the famous Ed Wood, in that he shows not a shred of talent but at least seemed to believe in what he did. Rather than slapping a recycled costume on an assistant director and creating yet another lame, lousy creature feature with an insipid story, he tried to create something original, new, and interesting. He failed miserably, but at least he tried.

The plot revolves around a pre-Internet nerd named Troy, who, apparently, spends his time digging stuff out of the attic that relates to his father's death somehow, stares at it for a while, and then gives up on figuring out what happened and just puts it all away again. He lucks out when a ski-masked cult randomly decides to come looking for a map that leads to a lost city, even though they could have come any time in the seven years prior but for some reason decided to let him grow old enough to somehow thwart their entire incompetent organization with the help of a beer-guzzling, mullet-endowed drifter...but I get ahead of myself.

So anyway, Troy is forced to go outside the house for the first time in a decade and somehow winds up in the truck bed of the aforementioned drifter, who manages to deliver his name, Zap Rowsdower, with a straight face. Even the nerdy kid understands how embarrassing it is to call a grown man "Zap," so he (repeatedly) refers to him as "Rowsthdower," which isn't really much of an improvement. Anyhow, some other stuff happens, involving a gray-bearded, oh-my-god-I-can't-believe-people-like-this-actually-exist-type character named Mike Pipper, who explains some less-than-interesting exposition explaining what they're up against and what's at stake--the world, of course! After looking thoroughly unconcerned, our heroes, though they couldn't pool together enough mental resources to open a can of tuna (though Rowsdower has a lot of experience opening cans...of beer...), find a way to overthrow the muscleheaded cult, defeat the villainous Satoris (a man with a voice deeper than the lead singer of Type O Negative), knock over a pole, raise the lost cardboard miniature of Ziox, and save all of Canada, acting like it's some sort of major accomplishment all the while. The movie ends with an inspiring shot of Troy and Zap in the Zapmobile, going somewhere for some reason. My bet is that it involved beer and cheese.

Even without the MST3K commentary (which was pee-your-pants-funny) this movie would have had me rolling on the floor with laughter. It's just that ridiculous. But for people without my warped sense of humor, I recommend ONLY the MST3K version. It's one of the best! In fact, I've been known to randomly yell out "Rowsdower!" causing any family members near by to collapse in a fit of giggles and confuse the hell out of everyone else.

I'm sharing this story just because I can: Back when I was in high school I worked at Burger King (aka the 5th Circle of Hell) and the guy who played Rowsdower came in and I took his order. He even paid in Canadian money! (We're so close to the border, a lot of businesses in town take Canadian currency) I called my sister, who also worked there, out to take a look and she swears it was him too. I wanted to get his autograph, but he was eating. My brush with greatness!