Phantom Brother

This one has it all. Not really, but who's to say wherein true art lies? Not here. I mean, this is 'Phantom Brother' we are talking about. The veritable 'Citizen Kane' of the worst and most horribly gut-wrenching, stomach-churning, revolting pieces of irredeemable garbage ever made, but hey, who's counting? Other than that, it's a laugh a minute, or at least every fifteen? My recent comments for this little gem were apparently neglected, so I am re-submitting in the hopes that the 'Phantom Brother' will get its fair share of user comment by-lines. I mean, c'mon, last time I checked, 'Blood-Sucking Freaks' had fifty-two! If you are the kind of weirdo that would enjoy such a treat as this 'film,' and I mean that in the best possible way, then this is the one for you. It's so low-budget and mindlessly numbing to the higher orders of brain functioning, that I find it to be a combination of watching Grandpa Ralph's shaky home movies of drunk old people and accidentally getting your head stuck in the portable meat smoker. I liked it so much I went out and bought it and now I watch it every day. Not really, but just imagine it? I went to the best schools of higher education to write comments about 'Phantom Brother' at midnight. Just imagine that? The most touching scene in the film takes place when the split-personality plagued main character (for the life of me I can't think of his name at the moment) shares a meal with his 'Deliverance' foster family in their trailer that could either be a chicken coop or a bomb shelter. It will bring tears to your eyes. Rarely has cinema been so powerful. The acting and dialogue are so good that you can't understand a word the hillbilly family is saying. You just don't see quality or realism like that these days.

People who eat gourmet all their lives would mostly likely be put off by junk food, just as people who watch nothing but Bruckheimer films will be unsure of what to make of this (because they're stupid). Yes, this is shot on video. My God, no. How dare people make a movie within their means. Blasphemy. This is all very shocking stuff to the A-movie layman, I'll bet, but as someone who has seen a lot of super low-budget features, I liked it a lot. Most won't appreciate it, but the cinematography is above-par, in comparison to a lot of the pieces of crap out there. The acting is good by any standards. And the plot is funny, clever, and compelling. No, it doesn't look like Scream 7, but as far as slasher parodies go, you could do much worse. If you actually happen upon this somewhere, please rent it/buy it/take it out of the free bin. It's worth the time.

Phantom Brother is disgusting. Truly one of the worst movies ever made. It seems to me that this movie was filmed on a camcorder, due to the relentlessly horrid quality of the film, but perhaps I am wrong. No matter though this movie is disgusting. A man is living in a house in the woods, with three supposed phantasms. One is a nurse, the second a girl scout, and the third his Phantom Brother. Lord have mercy on the makers of this movie's souls. There is a family of hillbilllies looking for money, some people try to make a porno in the house in the woods, most of them end up dying bloodless deaths. The lack of any effects in this movie is horrible.

There are so many things wrong with this movie that it's hard to know where to start. Here are the basics: it looks terrible, like it's filmed on a home camera, and it's not "The Blair Witch Project", the plot is stupid, the lead is ugly, it doesn't make any sense, and, worst of all, I spent two dollars on it. That is so not cool. Also, it's not funny and I could have been doing something constructive with my time, like diddling on the computer. Oh Father Time, will you ever forgive me for my indiscretion? Movies like this make for bad karma. Very bad karma.

I'd like to sit here and bash this film, but, for some reason, I am thoroughly unable. No matter how bad this film is, and it is bad (even for SOV), it never fails to draw me back in. There are days I find myself thinking about this film for absolutely no reason (like right now), more often then not I find myself re-watching it. It is this fact that keeps me from giving it a full on one star and probably part of the reason I just can't hate too much on it. Something that can make a lasting impression, whether good or bad, is a testament to the energy that went into it and makes me fully respect the people that worked on it, even if they did turn out a pile. I'd even recommend watching it, if you keep an open mind you might not not enjoy it as much as I did.