Armageddon

Believe it or not, I managed to escape the 1990s without sitting through Armageddon. I'm notoriously squeamish about "we're all going to die!" movies, so the only reason I did sit through it was because it was Bruce Willis's week on Hot Toasty Rag. Thankfully, my mom prepped me for it and told me everything that happened so I wouldn't be too scared or sad. So, if you're squeamish like me, and you want to watch it anyway, just ask your mom how it ends.

He must have been busy, or didn't want to seem old enough to have a twenty-year-old daughter, but the leading role Bruce Willis took on seemed tailor-made for Kevin Costner. Bruce held his own and wound up making a certain scene one of the most iconic scenes to come out of the '90s. He plays a gruff, tough oil driller with a soft spot for his daughter, Liv Tyler. Liv, raised around gruff, tough friends of her dad, has fallen in love with one of them, and her dad's not happy about it. Liv and Ben Affleck's romance seems a little unimportant when Bruce and his entire crew are called to NASA to save the world.

Sure, I'm not a fan of the premise of the movie-a giant asteroid heading for Earth isn't my idea of a good time-but the cast is so delightful it makes everything worth it. Everyone has tons of energy and brings their own presence to the screen. Bruce had his classic combination of machoism mixed with being a softie on the inside. His fellow drillers-turned-astronauts are an eclectic group impossible to dislike. Steve Buscemi has a weakness for women, and his antics are hilarious and remarkably charming. Will Patton has a broken homelife, and he's given a touching scene the night before the rescue mission to reconcile with his family. Michael Clarke Duncan, Owen Wilson, and Ken Campbell aren't really given anything to do besides rattle off one-liners, but the one-liners are funny, so I don't think anyone will complain. Back at NASA, the head of the program and mission is Billy Bob Thornton, and he always brings a little something special to his roles. Keith David, a head honcho from Washington, brings tension and severity to the plot, and Jason Isaacs plays a scientist with good intentions.

When Bruce's group is brought to NASA, they have to go through a mini-boot camp to make sure they're physically able to undergo the mission. It's a very funny sequence, started by William Fichtner, who plays the only certified astronaut on the mission, quipping, "Talk about the wrong stuff!" when he sees the odd lineup. Bill has a great, meaty role, and he's completely believable as a disciplined, intelligent patriot who's scared yet confident. Peter Stormare puts on yet another accent, Russian this time, and plays a quirky astronaut who's been stationed in space for too long at the expense of his social skills. There are plenty of comic reliefs in this movie, Peter included, to even out the immense tension of the plot. Even though you'll be worrying about the end of the world, you'll be laughing through your fear.

Since this is a Michael Bay movie, you can expect overactive camera angles and tons of special effects. The opening sequence is incredible, even when watching it twenty years later, as a meteor shower destroys New York City. There's a lot to appreciate in this movie, with the push and pull of the characters, everyone's special quirks and motivations, and the Oscar-nominated song, "I Don't Want to Miss a Thing." The romance between Liv and Ben is really the only downside; it's supposed to be true love and more powerful than the end of the Earth, but it feels like a summer fling between two teenagers. Liv is given many tearjerker scenes throughout the movie, and since she was only twenty years old during the filming, I decided to cut her some slack. I remember the difficulties of being a young actress and how sometimes the emotions you think are being projected in front of the camera don't end up coming across very well. So, when you watch her scenes and she's supposed to be crying over the danger her boyfriend and father are in, keep her age in mind and be kind.

To call yourself a true '90s kid, you'll probably want to rent this movie. You'll probably have a good cry during the credits, but if you like these "we're all going to die!" movies, you'll probably enjoy yourself during the process. Go ahead and bring your Kleenexes, and enjoy what this very large cast brings to the screen.

DLM Warning: If you suffer from vertigo or dizzy spells, like my mom does, this movie will not be your friend. Since I counted 66 spinning camera shots and 13 canted angles, as well as 4 scenes with strobelights and 6 scenes with a severe shaky camera, you should be aware that this movie could make you seriously sick. In other words, "Don't Look, Mom!"

Kiddy Warning: Obviously, you have control over your own children. However, since this is an "end of the world" movie, I'd wait until my kids were a little older until they watch it.

After discovering that an asteroid the size of Texas is going to impact Earth in less than a month, NASA recruits a misfit team of deep core drillers to save the planet.

The real mystery surrounding this film is how it got released by the Criterion Collection. Both this film and Michael Bay's "The Rock" received the Criterion treatment at one time. And while both are very enjoyable films, do they really belong with Criterion? I feel that by merely being released by them, there is an added importance stamped on the film.

But as far as guilty pleasures go, this is a fun and entertaining film. I could do without the romance angle, but the idea of blowing up an asteroid before it hits earth (which assumes a lot of questionable science) is just classic science fiction, here given more legitimacy and budget than ever before.

This could have been super but, as with the case of most modern action films, the action is way overdone. Still, it had its moments.....

THE BAD -One word describes a lot of scenes in here: chaos. Things are blown up all over the place, people are shouting everywhere. It gets to be too much, especially in the last hour which gets ludicrous. You practically have a headache when you're finished watching the 150 minutes of mayhem.

Half of the disasters that happen to the astronauts were not needed, and many of them come one after the other. It wound up muddling the story. Do today's filmmakers think you have to have something dramatic and loud every two minutes to keep their audiences? And talk about loud.....holy eardrums, Bataman, you could be deaf listening to this movie which includes a lot of loud heavy-metal "music." It's too noisy.

There are touches of "Independence Day" mentality with very unrealistic with a veteran astronaut smuggling a gun on board a ship; the daughter of the one of the astronauts barging into the command center and shoving the center's leader in the middle of a crisis (in reality, she wouldn't be allowed in the room to begin with); and the usual last-second impossible heroics. I mean, sometimes I swear I was watching a movie made specifically for morons. Speaking of stupid, what was that goofy cosmonaut character (Peter Stormare) all about. That's just another example of what I was just talking about - totally unrealistic people. Why does Hollywood like to portray astronauts - some of the classiest, most educated and reserved people in the world - in such a negative light? Just another of its sicknesses, I guess where good is bad and bad is good.

THE GOOD - What was great to watch in this film were the special-effects, especially the disaster scenes with the meteors hitting the earth. They were spectacular. A few of the panoramic scenes in here were beautiful, too. (This is a must for widescreen DVD.)

There is a good mix of humor in this adventure thriller. That humor makes some of the characters likable, even though they are still unrealistically sleazy heroes. Steve Buscemi had most of the good comedic lines. I liked Billy Bob Thornton as the NASA boss. He's very interesting to watch. Bruce Willis plays his normal macho-hero role. His heroic effort in the end is nicely sentimental. The special-effects, as mentioned earlier, were perhaps the best right in the first 5-10 minutes of the film - a real attention-grabber right off the bat. Actually, the first half of this film is far better than the second half.

Steam, wind, sound and gravity on an asteroid flying through space? Yeah the director didn't really think this whole 'space thing' through (or I think he simply didn't care... he was just like: "Meh, let's just make it fun"). And the movie is pretty fun, if you ignore the obvious inconsistencies and plot holes. Just take it like this: It's a movie of Bruce Willis and his team of misfits attempting to save the world by going to outer-space and blowing up a giant asteroid that's hurtling towards earth. PS. Liv Tyler at 21 y/o was unbelievably beautiful... she's distractingly gorgeous in the movie.

Typical Michael Bay movie, lots of action and things explode really for no reason. It's still a fun flick. So many actors in it.