Turbulences à 30 000 pieds

There's a bizarre human appetite for that which is awful. From lookie-looing at traffic accidents to Man Show mooks to Lettreman's stupid pet tricks to worst home videos, etc., people like to watch people being stupid, outrageous, and ridiculous. Therein lies the appeal of "Turbulence", a not-to-be-taken-seriously white knuckle ride into the realm of the ridiculous with Holly as the "Stew" who's got to save a 747 jumbo jet with a handful of passengers against all odds including one very whacked out serial killer (Liotta). Ok, ok...this movie is stupid. However, for those who can get to that place in their heads where they don't intellectualize, just go with it, and enjoy the humor-tinged hair raising suspense and silliness, 100 minutes of entertainment awaits. (C)

I happen to love movies that take place on airplanes, maybe because they're usually, or always about the same thing: A terrorist (or more) hijacks the plane and threatens to kill the passengers, sometimes along with the pilot. Plus, there's a storm too, making matters worse. That's basically all you can do in an airplane movie. The only exception is "Snakes on a Plane". Anyway, I had a good time the whole way through, even though I think the film could have used more characters (and complications), and a flight attendant who is a lot more smarter. This flight attendant, played by Holly, isn't very bright, even for a victim. Maybe she should have been the one choked to death. The other stewardess, played by Hicks, is more interesting. Besides, aren't the victims killed off in horror movies usually the not-so-smart ones? I suppose I could give the movie credit for trying something a little different.

*** out of ****

• 3/5 STARS -

It's Airport 1975 meets Friday the 13th in this thriller at 35,000 feet. Set aboard the ultra-sophisticated Boeing 747-200, a serial killer and flight attendant battle for control of the airplane as both his mental condition and the plane's altitude deteriorate.

A group of U.S. marshals is escorting two convicts aboard a nearly empty 747 on Christmas Eve. One convict escapes and kills all of the guards, along with the pilot. (The copilot is taken out just as efficiently by failing to observe the fasten seat belt sign!) After sitting back and letting them kill each other, serial killer Ryan Weaver (Liotta) fills the power vacuum and systematically secures control of the airplane. He has no intention of mounting an escape, however. Because he was already en route to death row, he plans to slowly torture his group of holiday captives while the plane flies itself into the ground.

Flight Attendant Teri Halloran (Holly) will have none of that, and we find ourselves with a far more capable flight attendant than Karen Black (from Airport 1975) at the helm of this 747. A lot can change in 22 years, and this time our flight attendant is strong-willed, empowered, and ready to brandish a gun, if necessary, to defend her safe passage to the ground. But just as significantly, it's the technology that has changed in two decades.

The airplane, the set design, and the special effects steal the show. Airplane buffs will be wowed at the display of real-world commercial jet technology, including the autoland system, which effectively replaces Charlton Heston (from Airport 1975) as the emergency pilot-in-command. Most of these whiz-bang gizmos are already present and functioning aboard commercial jets worldwide. By choosing such a high-tech plane, the producers were able to simplify the plot and omit the flight engineer altogether. He's been replaced by a bank of computers, as is becoming standard practice among domestic carriers.

The reality factor does have to be put on hold rather often, such as when the 747 flips over and our stars are forced to struggle on the ceiling of the cabin. Or when the plane's landing gear becomes entangled in a rooftop restaurant and subsequently scoops up a parked car. The 747-200's autopilot isn't nearly smart enough to recover from either crisis, but it's easy to let the disbelief slide because the visuals are so startlingly fresh.

External shots of the plane are well lit and light-years beyond what we have seen in any other aviation disaster film. Inside the plane, the sets are vibrant and alive with color. Brilliantly lit instrument panels, along with a talkative computer warning system, keep the audience involved. Even the avionics bay is bright and downright inviting!

It's a good thing the director let the art designers run amuck, because the psychosis of our serial killer would've sunk the picture otherwise. This character should have been penned as a standard mental case, but instead he's a serial killer and a sex fiend, which makes for a variety of uncomfortable confrontations between himself and the flight attendants. Women generally do NOT like this movie, primarily because the sexually-charged power struggles are repulsive to a modern temperament. The audience is officially fed up when Teri strips to seduce Ryan, just so that she can hit him in the head. Of course, he regains the upper hand moments later.

If just five minutes of this rubbish had been cut out the film, the result would have been much more satisfying. Liotta demonstrates his rendition of the crazed lunatic very well, and is highly entertaining until the script leads him to overly indulgent pastures. But ultimately, Turbulence is reluctant to decide whether it wants to be an action thriller or a teenage slasher movie. Although it eventually makes the right decision, half the movie has already passed by that point and those who would have abandoned ship, have already hit rewind.

Compared to Airport 1975, Turbulence is at once both a much bigger and a much smaller film. Turbulence has an abundance of top-notch special effects and is a colorful visual assault. Yet, the simple story of a frightened stewardess, struggling to fly a jumbo jet, is lost in this psychotic game of cat-and-mouse. In the world of the seven minute attention span, Turbulence plays by the new rules and thus belays its weakness: it is too youthful to know that by simply sitting back and letting the suspense build, the end result can be so much more satisfying.

But who cares? Ray Liotta is hands down unforgettable. Every time he gets hurt it's very funny to watch. I had to rewind the part where Teri blows the fire extinguisher in his face. The way he reacts is priceless! That and when Teri shoves him down stairs and closes an automatic door on his foot. He starts crying like a baby. Hilarious! And his lines, "You aren't having much luck with men lately, are you Teri?" or "I'm never flying this airline again." are by far worse than anything imaginable but thats what makes it all the more entertaining. Other than that the movie is pretty lame. I would recommend renting Turbulence for Liotta's performance only, and yes that makes it worth renting.

Don't watch this film. It will plant the idea that flight crew really

might be this stupid in your mind and make you afraid to fly. This is

one of those movies where no-one does anything sensible, from the

pilot, who, knowing that there are two violent criminals on board his

'plane, hears gunshots and goes out to see what's happening, to the

stewardess who's locked herself in the cabin because she KNOWS what's

going on, and then comes out because the bad guy tells her that her

friend is asking for her, despite the trifling fact that the cops, the

FBI, and the ground crew have all told her that her friend is probably

already dead, and they need her in the cabin to monitor what the

'plane's doing or everyone will be dead anyway.

You will, however, be pleased to learn that, after being set alight,

flying into a casino and a parking garage, having a truck wedged on its

undercarriage, and being fired at by a fighter plane (Not to mention

the scene, right out of 'Airplane', where the 'plane flies upside down

for a while, entirely of its own volition...), the aeroplane itself

emerges unscathed.

This isn't so bad that it's good, it's so bad that it should have been

strangled at birth, and I'm a pacifist by nature.