Strawberry Estates

The objective breakdown:

Cinematography: Non-existent. It is unknown what this movie was shot with but what was edited was not worth the effort. The individual shooting the film did not know how to focus the equipment. You can essentially attain a headache by attempting to view. Color is horrid, shots not blocked. I would liken to compare to a first effort by a person that knows nothing of the film process and received a cameras for their birthday.

Sound: Horrendous: They either used one microphone and just planted it in one location or multiple mics and not configured correctly. The amplitude of a voice will go from too loud to so soft you can barely hear and back again. Try and understand the reception from the walkie talkies.

Music: There is none. You would think the creator would have known someone that could have created a little mood music and loop it incessantly like so many other bad movies.

Acting: Stupefying: it is painfully obvious that no one is an actor. One would think at least one person would at least be passable. This is what one gets when one has no money and friends that you believe can act or you spent money and have no clue what talent is.

Script: Your brain will disengage within a matter of minutes. The writer loses focus and just rambles from one thing to another. We are subjected to idiotic conversations that are supposed to be thought provoking but are the lamest and non logical arguments one hears constantly. I do love the comment about psychics solving crimes, you can read about it in the National Inquirer! Now that line made me laugh!

Funny that they mention "Purgatory" because this is what I classify this movie as. It is a "Purgatory" or "Limbo". It has absolutely no redeeming quality to it what so ever. It is not passable and it does not provide any amusement in being so incompetently made. Do NOT waste time from your life viewing this piece of flotsam.

I don't know why I do this to myself. After having read a hilarious review at SomethingAwful.com, and having a weakness for both found-footage and B-movies, I decided to take the plunge and rent this movie. Thank God it was only a couple of dollars! It's an insult to Blair Witch Project when any comparison is made of this POS to Blair. This movie (and I use the term loosely) was a travesty: the acting was atrocious, the characters were despicable (I wished them all dead within a couple of minutes of being introduced), the sound was hilarious (particularly scenes where the wind blocked the voices, so they used sub-titles - yeah, that's realistic for "found footage").

There are some movies I've watched that have nearly been this bad (thank God only a couple), but those movies were so bad they were entertaining, and I've actually watched them more than once (such as The Expedition, and Witch Graveyard). But I will NEVER watch Strawberry Estates again, and will remember the director's name (Ron Bonk) as a warning to stay far, far away from anything he's associated with.

I cannot believe the positive User Reviews of this movie that I've read here. If they are in fact sincere and not being sarcastic, I fear for the future of mankind. I strongly suggest reading the aforementioned review at SomethingAwful.com - not only did it make me laugh out loud, but it is spot on (and No, I have nothing to do with that web site).

Let start out first by saying, I LOVED The Blair Witch Project. As a matter of fact I loved The St. Francisville Experiment (for all the wrong reasons mind you, see my review for that one). When I got this one into my creepy lil paws I was excited to say the least! Especially since A- this movie(!) was filmed 2 years before Blair Witch & B- because the acting(!) was rumored to be quite good. I'm a sucker for these schlock-docs to begin with so it was now cinematic party time!

*Fast forward 1 hour & 40 minutes later*

*makes sign of the cross* Please sweet baby Jesus, damn the creators of this friggin' mess. I've seen better acting in high school plays! Hell, I've read better dialog written for high school plays. I've never been so bored. There is NOTHING good about this. Nothing. Did I mention nothing? Wow.

I now present to you my new uses for my Strawberry Estates tape:

5- Doorstop 4- Paper wieght 3- Furniture leg prop (ie: table, couch, etc) 2- A good reason to watch something else. 1- Something other than change or food to offer the homeless should they happen to ask.

The wide availability of video equipment curses the viewing audience with boring crap like this. Ron Bonk not a clue on how to make a movie. This piece of offal is like a bad high school play.

I literally had to hit myself to stay awake to see what happens at the climax...and when it got there... nothing happened.

Here the characters are in a building that is the gateway to hell and they all act like it no big thing. This is less than amateur acting level. It is embarrassing to watch.

I never thought I would see something worse than BLAIR WITCH... I was wrong. This is beyond bad.

Avoid.

I've seen more bad films than most have dreamed. I've suffered through the very worst of underground/amateur movie-making... ...but this...this...THING is the biggest travesty I have ever witnessed. From beginning to end, pure pain; boredom that would drive insurance salesmen to suicide.

This is the only movie I've ever seen where I cannot point to a single solitary frame and say anything even remotely mediocre.

Don't believe me? See it for yourself. You'll recant every bad film you've ever seen.

If you ever read a single positive review of this film, it's a plant. If somebody tells you it's good, then they obviously know the director.

STAY AWAY! You have been warned.