Neon Maniacs

As bad films go, this one's pretty enjoyable.

Anchor Bay, not long ago, released a wonderful widescreen DVD of NEON MANIACS. But you can also enjoy this on tape, because VHS copies are still floating around at used video stores. And perhaps an old VHS tape might be better for generating that 80's feeling...

This is the infamous low-budget horror flick from 1985 that boasts a gaggle of weird, oozing monsters--each with a different look and method of killing--who come out at night, ready for action. The movie takes place in San Francisco--and the monsters actually make their home under the Golden Gate Bridge (!). Sure, why not? It could happen.

The title monsters are NEVER referred to as "Neon Maniacs" by any of the characters. A narrator has a brief speech early on in the film and says something like "The children's path shall be darkened...by the SHADOWS of the...NEON MANIACS." (Yeah. Whatever.) But that's the only time you hear the term, and as a justification for the title, it's flimsy at best. AND, as noted by many, the monsters are NEVER explained in any way. At all!

Near the end of the film there is a climactic scene at a high school costume dance featuring an astounding "Battle of the 80's Bands" (one a Rick Springfield knockoff, the other a lame heavy metal group) that will have you squirming and your face contorting into various peculiar grimaces and scowls. Yow!

This is a time capsule film. You watch it to see what things looked like, what was going on twenty-odd (very odd) years ago. But please take care: What you see, you may find upsetting.

80's horror had its own very unique and pointless stamp, and this is one of the best examples of an endearingly BAD 80's horror film--just as THE BREAKFAST CLUB is one of the best examples of an endearingly good 80's teen film. That is to say, NEON MANIACS, despite how awful it is, is memorable. It gives you a strange warm happy feeling inside when you watch it. And when it's over, you think about it--chortle to yourself over it. You might even recommend it to your friends. And you know perfectly well that it's not a good movie at all! That it's one of the worst movies you've ever seen!! See it tonight! Yes, it's crap. Yes, it's fun.

A group of slow-moving, inter-dimensional maniacs, each with their own unique look and method of killing, emerge from under The Golden Gate Bridge at night to prey on the people of San Francisco. Having witnessed the creatures at work, high school students Natalie (Leilani Sarelle) and Steven (Clyde Hayes), aided by teenage monster movie fan Paula (Donna Locke), find themselves targeted by the maniacs and are forced to fight back with water as their only means of defence (despite the colourful killers living next to a river, plain old H20 proves to be deadly to them!).

When Neon Maniacs was first released on VHS, I thought it was junk, writer Mark Patrick Carducci failing to do his rather intriguing basic premise justice, director Joseph Mangine compounding matters with his uninspired direction, and the cast giving dreadful performances all round. Having recently given the film the benefit of a re-watch, I still think it's junk, but at least it now has the advantage of being nostalgic junk, the horrible clothes, nasty hairstyles, crappy effects, and awful pop/rock music (particularly during a terrible battle-of-the-bands scene) providing a reasonably fun time despite the overall technical shoddiness. Steve's hideous jacket; Natalie's big hair; Paula wearing her Nostromo baseball cap at a silly angle; the nasty neon tubing backdrop to Steve's band: it's delightfully dated elements like these that just about made this one worth watching.

5.5 out of 10, generously rounded up to 6 for the trip down memory lane (the 80s were worse than I remembered), a couple of gloopy melting maniacs, and Leilani Sarelle in her swimming cossie.

The friends of a high school girl (Leilani Sarelle) are ruthlessly slain by monstrous freaks living under the Golden Gate Bridge, but the police don't believe her outlandish story. Thankfully, her potential beau believes her (Clyde Hayes), as does an adolescent girl (Donna Locke), and they team-up to find the truth.

"Neon Maniacs" (1986), aka "Evil Dead Warriors," is similar to the contemporaneous "Trick or Treat" except that, unlike Sammi Curr in that movie, the titular antagonists are too cartoonish to be scary in any way, despite their gory slayings. The tone mixes brutal killings with a fun 'kid flick' spirit and it's bewildering.

The monsters curiously consist of a samurai, a caveman, a doctor, an Indian, a straight-jacket lunatic and so forth, but what they really are, their motivations and where they originated is never explained. While not noted in the movie, they're rumored to be from another dimension, "the worst killers from across time" mumbo jumbo.

Production and budget problems caused expository scenes to either be cut or never shot. Another casualty was the intended final battle between the protagonists and the maniacs, which explains the puzzling abrupt and inconclusive ending. As such, this is basically an unfinished film, but you won't really realize it until the last act.

Still, there's plenty to appreciate for people interested in 80's oddities: The likable protagonists have chemistry, Leilani Sarelle is winsome, and the "Battle of the 80's Bands" is cheesy fun (one a lame Rick Springfield knockoff and the other a kick-axx hair metal group).

The film runs 1 hour, 31 minutes, and was shot in San Francisco, Los Angeles and Glendale, California.

GRADE: C.

Oddball 80s horror film about San Francisco teens getting slaughtered by a Village People-like group zombies. There's a biker zombie, an archer zombie, a samurai zombie, a soldier zombie, and a few others. The film is poorly made to say the least, but it does have plenty of nicely gory old school practical special effects, which I do love. Another fun part of the film is when the teens go to a concert at one point, so you get some nice cheesy 80s music and dancing, all dripping in 80s neon, so it has that going for it too. "Neon Maniacs" isn't an 80s horror film anyone should seek out, but if you've already seen them everything halfway decent and are trying to find something you haven't seen before, it's worth a look.

In San Francisco, Natalie is celebrating her birthday one night in the park with a couple of friends, when suddenly a large group of nasty looking monsters gatecrash it. She's the only survivor, and the police don't buy her story, because of what she supposedly saw and her friend's bodies have vanished. These mutants only come out at night, from their home under the Golden Gate Bridge and seek possible victims to take back with them. Now their eyes are set on Natalie, and with the help of her lovelorn friend Steven and a plucky, horror enthusiast Paula. They set out to stop these monstrous mutants.

It doesn't get anymore ultra-bizarre, gloriously tacky and super-dumb, than the film known as "Neon Maniacs". Actually what mindlessly juicy fun, even though you'll be at a lost! Yep, it's one of those deliciously sweet and trashy horror oddities that only the 80's horror scene could possibly dream up! This low-budget item doesn't want to go into any sort of reasoning, or development to what's actually happening, so you just have to go with the flow and cop the threadbare screenplay for what it is. There's some imagination behind all of this kitsch, and what they mustered up with the wicked make-up effects for these cheesy looking nocturnal mutants are vividly creative with a whole variety to look at. Hey they even got their own collectible cards (don't ask me why), which we see at the beginning. The thing is they could've done far more with the unusual idea than what we got in the end. It was quickly thought-up and easily penned by Mark Patrick Carducci, and the results end up showing the shambles. Too many plot holes to poke a stick at and it might slow up in the latter half, but the cartoonish nature brings some nicely chiselled humorous touches and wacky situations of junky entertainment. It does have that childish feel to it, but the nasty side and gruesome effects make sure that it stays far from that crowd. The handling of it on the other hand came off looking more competent than you'll expect, but director Joseph Mangine (who's more often behind the lens), execution feels cramped and overwhelmed by the simple novelty. It's sloppy, but he keeps a steady momentum and spins out some atmospheric highlights (like a dream sequence). Shadowy camera-work is reasonably positioned, with moody lighting and there's a chewy bubblegum soundtrack with the familiar eerie electronic score finding its way in. The sound performances are pretty basic, but Leilani Sarelle, Allan Hayes and an animated Donna Locke are acceptable. Also popping up as one of the ghouls is Andrew Divoff, which was his first film appearance.

This preposterous clunker is pretty much a low-end horror delight that lazily amuses. Remember logic has no say here, but goofiness and unpleasantness does.