Date with Disaster

An interesting cast founder in this incredibly cheap-looking and inconsequential second feature that resembles a short public information film sternly warning us that Crime Does Not Pay that inadvertently came in at feature length.

Apart from the robbery sequence itself, lighting cameraman Brendan Stafford makes no attempt at all to make the film look like a thriller; which ceases to matter, however, when the crew finally take to the uncluttered streets of fifties Southall and the Thames Embankment.

Tom Drake looks as if he wandered in off the set of an adjacent production; while I'd much rather have seen the leaner, meaner picture that a spiteful-faced brunette called Deidre Mayne (as Richard Shaw's grasping and not to be trifled with moll Judy) escaped from.

The above actor shown in a blue shirt in the film poster, holding a blonde actress (Shirley Eaton), was evidently "promoted" by the producers from film extra to talking featured part in this 1957 British "B" film as he appears in the film credits which I saw on "Talking Pictures" channel 81 yesterday.

As a 72 year old I love watching these type of films with views of the capital blissfully free of double yellow lines, resident parking only, parking meters , traffic wardens etc. as it reminds me of what London used to be like in the 1950s when you could park in the high road and could park where you desired and did not need to wander around fruitlessly looking for a free space.Also I like seeing vintage cars like the Humber Hawk, Morris Minor and police Wolseleys.

The captioned actor because of his appearance was usually cast as a villain and in "Date with Disaster" was no exception.At least he was recognisable because of his looks.In "A Night to Remember" (1958) Richard was cast as an extra as a member of "Titanic"'s crew with one line to speak which was "She"'s going!" said on the deck as the liner prepared for her final descent and which was probably nearer to the actual historic facts than any similar film about this maritime tragedy.

Shirley Eaton was obviously the "eye candy" in the captioned film and in the course of its length had romantic scenes with Maurice Kaufman, Tom Drake as well as having Richard Shaw thrust himself on her.Of course with the British board of film censors criminals could not appear to profit from their misdeeds and this film was no exception.Who can forget Shirley painted head to toe in gold as Jill Masterson in "Goldfinger" (1964). which must be her seminal film role although I remember her in "Three Men in a Boat " (1956) as "Sophie" which she announced in seductive tones! As to the rating of the captioned film, I awarded it 6/10 mainly due to Shirley's appearance.

This is an odd film - the cast don't gel at all. The story is the usual run-of-the-mill stuff as a gang carry out a robbery but soon discover, with the police on their tail, that one of their number isn't reliable so turn this case of robbery into one of murder. William Hartnell's "Tracey" is the henchman who holds this together but "Sue" (Shirley Eaton) and "Miles" (Tom Drake - presumably drafted in to bolster US box office attendance) have all the chemistry of yesterday's scrambled eggs. The photography is basic and the production standards are decent enough but the ending is just a bit too bit hammy.

A good example of a 50's British thriller short; the sort of highly agreeable time waster our studios churned out with impressive regularity. As usual, the limited budget shows on occasions but overall the story holds up well. The title is a typical exercise in hyperbole; the sinking of the Titanic was a disaster, whereas this amounts to a limited group screwup.

Tom Drake is given top billing, presumably in the hope that his presence will win over a US audience and add weight to the film (it doesn't). Maurice Kaufmann fares a lot better as an outwardly cocksure but ultimately naive chancer with an eye (along with most of the male characters) for Shirley Eaton, who in turn prefers his boss (Drake) - heaven knows why. Not surprisingly, William Hartnell steals all his scenes with consummate ease, this time in straight mode - as an old school pro crook. Richard Shaw (no relation to the great Robert, and whose career morphed into mainly TV roles) is convincing in a broodingly menacing performance, and despite a fairly insipid ending the film's positives outweigh its shortfalls.

Goodness gracious! What a caper! Hartnell's heist is in the paper.

Don't get too excited, this is no 'Rififi'. Hartnell, Kaufmann and Shaw's attempt to carry out a daring robbery in the dead of night falters at every stage, from broken drill bits to a stalling getaway car that just about gets away, narrowly beating an on the beat Bobby, in hot, but ultimately hapless pursuit.

The bogies are soon nosing around Hartnell's modest terraced house, which appears to be situated in an alibi free zone, whilst the cocky, caustic Kaufmann is hitting the bottle and mouthing off indiscriminately. Oh!....and there's a love triangle too with beautiful Shirley Eaton the centre of attraction for honest garage owner, Tom Drake and the insidious Kaufmann.

Simplistic and one dimensional, the plot leads to a murder, a laughable punch-up and the most feeble minded moment of self incrimination imaginable. It should all add up to a listless, insipid viewing experience. So why did 'Date With Disaster' leave me sporting a grin as wide as The Thames? Perhaps it's due to the fundamentals of story telling. By stripping everything down to the basic essentials, the movie's weakness is transformed into a strength, creating a simple, economical guilty pleasure. An entertaining, undemanding, eminently watchable little crime flick.

Here's a foggy notion. A review that's ALL in rhyme. If you second that (e)motion. I might try it out sometime.