Terreur au collège

Just another traditional slasher. Well that's what you say about the Troma released "Splatter University". It's textbook and low-budget as you can get with a eye-catching film title. But it's reputation of being one of worst its sub-genre had to offer seems to scream loudly. It had me thinking of the 1981 slasher "Final Exam", but that film is exemplary compared to this outing. Sure "Splatter University" is rancid, uninspired with lazy direction, tacky writing and wooden acting, but I have a soft spot for campus horror and I kind of enjoyed that it didn't take itself all that seriously, as it felt like they're playing up to the camera. You could say the stalk and slash elements at times took a back-step to college hi-jinks, which I found a little more amusing than the slasher side of the story. There it would get slow and sluggish with confused editing. I didn't find it all that effective in presenting the red herrings and the revelation isn't anything surprising, but the finale had one surprise up its sleeve I didn't see coming and quite a daring one too. The story is fairly messy, as what begins as a psychopathic killer escaping from an asylum then moves on a couple years later when a university teacher is brutally murdered to only move on even further where a couple months later a newly appointed teacher arrives on the campus where suddenly the lady students are being targeted by a killer. So many random occurrences seem to make its way into the unfocused story; some don't even have any relevance than to add trivial exchanges for humour. Sometimes the darkest of humour. Although there's no hiding how spiteful and deranged the violence can be, however they're rather unimaginative in the usual slashing and stabbing. Quite bit of red paint gets chucked about and the electronic soundtrack gets a good workout. Characters come and go with no one really standing out (most of them are obnoxious or slackers), other than Forbes Riley as the leading lady and Dick Biel. Senseless, hackneyed and cheesy, but what do you expect? Nudity, if so... look elsewhere.

"Gross! There's a fingernail in my pie".

Splatter University is just another attempt to cash in on the 80's slasher hysteria.

The acting was bad but the script definitely had potential. There were some pretty creative deaths but they were all ruined by the horribly slow pace and unneeded dialogue. For some reason the director felt like following around a bunch of crumby actors who the audience expected were there just to die and then suddenly stopped incorporating them into the film? Why was that? Were they just trying to throw us off or waste our time?

I can't say "Splatter University" was complete trash, I can say that the script and twists could have worked with a better director, bigger budget, and more experienced production team.

Go ahead and see this movie, but don't expect anything better than "okay" or worse...

Greetings And Salutations, and welcome to my review of Splatter University; here's the breakdown of my ratings:

Story: 1.00 Direction: 1.00 Pace: 1.00 Acting: 0.75 Enjoyment: 0.75

TOTAL: 4.50 out of 10.00.

Troma brought out some fantastic turkeys that were so bad they made it into the Kingdom of Cultdom - Remember The Toxic Avenger; he must be the King of that Fiefdom. Alas, Splatter University is a turkey, sucking lemons with a sour-puss pout.

The story the writers present to the audience is one of a looney tune on the run from the local nut-house. Surprisingly, there's an outbreak of bloody stabbery at a university campus in the city just after the asylum-break. Hhhmmm, I wonder if they're connected? Of course, they are, and it's our job to try and suss out who's slaying these wayward teens and their teachers. The trouble was, I didn't care. The characters are so unimaginative, and the narrative's lacking in devious deviants and sensational situations that I was wobbling on the fine point of slumber. Somehow I managed to stay awake, though, in hindsight, I probably would've had better nightmares. What this film lacked was absorbing characters with believable and relatable personas. It also required an injection of excitement. Though there were a few slayings, none were scary. These murders needed better structuring and detail. I cannot believe it took so many writers to deliver this dross. My cat has coughed up more exciting furballs.

Worst still is the point-and-shoot direction of Richard Haines. While the simplicity of the filming style works, there are times when it only adds to the sluggish feel of the picture. Now I mostly say there should be a change in pace, and God, Splatter University needed it. That said, it does possess a varied tempo. Sadly it goes from a meandering walk to sleeping on a park bench; and at the wrong moments. Haines tends to slow the pace when we get to the friend segments. Like the scene in the bar. This slowdown in the tempo wouldn't be terrible if he utilised it to propel the story forward. But nothing happens in these scenes. And due to the nothingness, the film slows down even more. These segments should've been quick and filled with teenage drunken joviality, and Haines should have spun out the stalking slayer to build the tension.

As for the acting - The leads were okay, and Forbes Riley does a decent job portraying the replacement teacher, Julie Parker. But things take a nose dive when we get to the performers playing the students. These were multitudes of bad: so wooden I felt like I had a splinter under my skin, so hammy that I was craving a bacon sarnie, and they were so impassive they disappeared into the set dressings.

All in all, Splatter University is a jejune slice of the Troma Pie; it's all crust and no filling. After watching this, I had to watch another movie to satiate my entertainment needs. Therefore, I can't recommend the film. If you need a Troma fix, go and watch Mother's Day or their old fave, The Toxic Avenger.

Now I have your full attention since you're back in that straight-jacket; here, take a gander at my IMDb list - Killer Thriller Chillers to see where I rated Splatter University.

Take Care & Stay Well.

This was the worst movie I have ever seen in my life. It was so bad, in fact, that it almost was the end of me. I was just barely able to get out of bed the next day. My credit card bills are climbing, my car payment is too high, I have a mortgage that's slowly strangling me, and I now must live with the knowledge that I can never un-see 'Splatter University.' It was almost too much to take. Ultimately, I got out of bed to feed my fish--and I couldn't let anything happen to myself while they were dependent on me to live. God only knows where I'd be right now if I didn't have a fish tank.

This movie takes place over a span of a couple weeks. Yet in every scene, all the characters are wearing the same clothes. If I had to listen to that idiot with the sleeveless blue t-shirt on howl like a wolf one more time, I was going to put my head through the tv.

When I rented it, I was hoping for a college slasher romp, fraught with scantily clad college-aged honeys. None of that here. How about great make-up fx and gallons of blood? Try again. A creepy killer that was good for at least ONE scare? Nope.

I never in a million years would think that a movie with a running time of 79 MINUTES could feel so long. But now that I know, there's no going back. You see, I've graduated from Splatter University, and it weighs on my conscience like a student loan with payments made directly to hell.

Splatter University doesn't have an awful lot going for it. It looks the cheap, the sound is lacking, most of the performances are awful, and the gore effects rarely convince, but there's a certain low budget 80's charm that keeps you tuned in for its fairly short run time.

Francine Forbes makes for an incredibly appealing lead and she's easily the best actor in the film. Thankfully, we spend most of our time with her (although, maybe not enough time). She plays a young teacher who's replacing a teacher at a local college who's just been brutally murdered. Needless to say, the murderer isn't done yet and seems to have an issue with both the teachers and the entire student body of this university.

There's not a lick of suspense or terror in this movie and, as I said earlier, even the death scenes feel a bit uninspired, but Forbes keeps us invested and along for the ride. The finale does manage to surprise due the sheer mean spiritedness of it all, so I've got to give the fimmakers props for that. I certainly didn't see it ending that way and it was a genuine shock.

Splatter University is more of a movie to play in the background than one you really need to pay much attention to. It's saved by charm, Forbes, and a shocking finale.