House Arrest

Cash Markman bites the hand that feeds him, repeatedly, in this stupid porn comedy, wasting a fine cast. Director Frank Marino directs Markman's lousy script on auto pilot.

Golddigger Kaylan Nicole finds out at the reading of the will that she'll only inherit her husband's $10 million fortune if she doesn't leave her mansion for a week. She'll be monitored by an ankle bracelet, and hubby's nephew Peter North will inherit if she fails to stay home.

Comedy concerns North's attempts, aided by his ditzy porn actress girlfriend Tiffany Mynx, to get Kaylan so horny she'll have to leave in search of a man to service her. After watching a porn movie planted in her VHS player by North which shows or mentions all the XXX cliches (sex with plumber T.T. Boy, pool boy or delivery man) she phones for pizza and satisfies her lust with hammy pizza boy Steven St. Croix.

Olivia is a scene-stealer as Mynx's porno co-star, who also has sex with North in a ridiculous "illustrated obscene phone call" North stages to turn on Kaylan.

This silly movie has idiotic in-jokes and dialog from Cash on almost a non-stop basis between the sex scenes. Tedious and repetitive knocks on the Adult Industry, e.g., "sounds like a bad plot to a bad porno movie...should clean up at Adult Awards show in Vegas", are annoying rather than funny. And an obligatory name drop of Ron Jeremy is as low as you can go.

Basic plot (for which you should be lucky to have, after all it is a porno flick):

Kaylan's husband has passed away, and left her his money IF she is capable of not leaving the house to satisfy her nymphomaniac tendencies.

She is fitted with a finder type thing on her ankle, which she does not have the brain power to take off and leave at home....

Anyway, her stepson (North) is keen to make her as frustrated as possible, so that he can inherit the money when she leaves the house in order to have intercourse. So he starts by having his girlfriend in Kaylans bathroom, which seems to have the desired effect. He also leaves a naughty video (not unlike House Arrest) in her video recorder...

Kaylan after a lesbian scene of tenderness and caring with a string of beads and her lawyer, sees the video and does not leave the house.

North phones her and has sex with another girl so Kaylan can listen. Most people would report this to the authorities, but Kaylan just gets turned on...

Anyway, she remembers the video scene where the plumber got it "good" and phones the pizza company.

If you have ever delivered pizza to a gorgeous blonde, this is a must see!!!