High School Fantasies

High School Fantasies (1974)

** 1/2 (out of 4)

Freddie (Larry Barnhouse) is one of the biggest nerds in school. Mary (Rene Bond) is the most beautiful and pure girl. Freddie has always had a thing about Mary and he thinks he might have a chance when he overhears a conversation about Spanish Fly.

HIGH SCHOOL FANTASIES comes from director James Bryan and for the most part it's a date rape version of American GRAFFITI. If you're familiar with the director then you probably remember him from his slasher film DON'T GO THE WOODS but earlier in his career he started off with softcore pictures before moving into pornographic material, which is what this here is. It's certainly not a classic film but there's enough here for you to enjoy.

I think the best thing about the picture is the actual spoof of the 1950s lifestyle. There are some pretty funny moments dealing with the nerds, the popular guys, the slutty teacher and of course the rebels. If you've seen American GRAFFITI then there's no way you can deny that this film is basically trying to be that but only with more sex. The sex scenes are actually the weakest thing about the picture as none of them are overly entertaining in any way, shape or form.

Another thing that stands out is that some of the era's biggest rock and roll songs are "re-imagined" here with alternate lyrics. You can tell what songs are being ripped off yet the lyrics are changed every-so-slightly and it's rather strange to say the least. Obviously, fans of Bond will want to check this out as she's as cute and charming as always but she stays clear of the hardcore here.

Between Rene Bond being in it and it also being an early directed film from cult horror director James Bryan it's hard to not go into this one with some expectations. I found it frustrating. It's basically a play on an "American Graffiti" kind of thing, looking back at pre-Kennedy high school days with a hopeless version getting mixed up with a spanish fly to try to get laid. There's pranks and what not, but presentation wise it's a it of a mess overall. When you have Bond as a star and the most memorable thing about the movie are the dead on song parodies, there's issues.

Freddie (Larry Barnhouse) is a high-school student in the 50's who's perpetually a miss with the ladies. He has all the wrong moves, particularly in regards to his dream girl, Mary Lou (the always watchable porn great Rene Bond) To make matter's worse he's a virgin. But his friends (or as close as he gets to having friends) attempt to 'help' him (ie. steal his money) with his problem with some 'spanish fly'. Will this help him win the girl of his fantasies?? This is a pretty good Rene Bond vehicle with a surprising lack of money shots. So it's kinda tame for a hardcore film, but thanks to the plot & of course Rene, it remains worth your time.

The Goods: 6 sex scenes (5 m/f, 1 m/m/f *that one's interspersed with plot scenes, going back to the sex every now and then*)

My Grade: B-

HIGH SCHOOL FANTASIES was a hit porn film in the '70s, riding on the popularity of "American Graffiti" and "Happy Days". It doesn't hold up well, but retains some nostalgia value.

This hybrid is an example of tipping the balance to far into story/acting (where porn talent is woefully deficient) and not enough arousing sex. In fact, I saw the film at a drive-in as late as March 1980 in a softcore version.

The XXX version, currently on DVD from ABA, mainly adds hardcore inserts, often using the same closeups in different scenes to represent different actors and actresses. Stealing the show is an uncredited actress as English teacher Mrs. Brown, who punishes two jocks (Ric Lutze and Tommy Mazziotti) with a paddle before having a hot threesome with them. She later services our hero Freddie (Larry Barnhouse), and her impressive blow job footage is shown repeatedly throughout the film.

Faring less well is Rene Bond, name attraction but in her boob-augmented phase miscast as the teen heroine Marylou. She is humping Lutze (as usual) much of the time, while Freddie can't get to first base with her.

Lutze & Mazziotti are wont to practical jokes, so they concoct a fake Spanish Fly potion (principal ingredient of which is Ex-Lax) that they sell to Freddie for $75 (big bucks in 1961, when the film is set), so that the nerd can score with women. Surprisingly it works, and the duo spend the rest of the film in vain trying to re-create their formula.

Woeful production values hurt the movie, and a black & white spoof of drive-in movies titled "Blood of the Teen Demon" is mere filler when it could have been interesting. Most tasteless scene has Freddie listening to JFK's "Ask not what your country can do for you" inaugural speech on TV (not shown visually), hardly fodder for porn.

Songs credited to the team of Gene Sturman and Bill Spater are idiotic covers of real hits, with all the lyrics randomly changed, including: "Hello Marylou", "Runaway", "Since I Don't Have You", "Come Softly to Me", "At the Hop", "I Only Have Eyes for You", "The Great Pretender", "Little Darlin'", "Whole Lotta Shaking' Going' On" and "Why Do Fools Fall in Love?".