Terreur express

This is a movie for people who don't find the infamous "Late Night Trains" sleazy enough for their taste. Actually though, this movie, while nowhere near as good, is a lot less disturbing than its more notorious cousin because it's just too ridiculous to take seriously. Silvia Dionisio plays the train prostitute. Why an overnight train really needs a prostitute I don't know, but she sure does a lot of business. There's also a criminal who is being transported by Interpol and ends up becoming the protagonist by default(perhaps this was inspired by the original "Assualt on Precinct 13"). The villains are three pathetic w*nkers who are far more annoying than scary. Anyone worth their salt could have beaten the hell out of these idiots and tossed them off the train with their flick-knives in their a***s, but these twits somehow manage to cow all the other passengers and have their way with them--usually sexually.

Sex is pretty much the name of the game here. Besides Dionisio doing what she does best, you have the equally infamous Zora Kerova as a passenger who willingly cheats on her boorish husband with one of the miscreants in the toilet but gets her comeuppance when one of the other guys barges in on them for some additional action (I guess the filmmakers saw "Straw Dogs" too). I don't know where they got the scene with the father who has incestuous designs on his own daughter and is forced to gamble with other male passengers for her virginity (I suppose this kind of sleaze could ONLY have come from Italy). He doesn't win, fortunately; the same sleaze bag who earlier raped Dionisio and Kerova gets the honors (you have to admire his stamina if nothing else). Still, like the rest of the movie of the movie, this scene would have been a lot more disturbing if the "virgin" in question wasn't being played by an actress who looks to be an aspiring porn starlet.

The violence and suspense on the other hand is almost nil. This is grade Z Italian sleaze in every sense of the word, but I guess if that is what you are looking for . . .

I actually liked Terror Express quite a bit. It's a complete Last House ripoff set totally on a moving train with three miscast actors playing psychos raping and murdering passengers. Actually, the thought of Carlo De Mejo as a scummy sleazeball seemed quite amusing to me, and gay actor Werner Pochath seemed strangely convincing as a sexually frustrated ex-con. Venantini Venantini and Zora Kerova make a pretty hilarious couple, and Silvia Dionisio gets naked enough to please most fans. A few people who acted in BURIAL GROUND around the same time also pop by, including that Pauly Shore-lookin guy who kept saying "Give me some more Cartridges." Granted there's lots of rape scenes, sex, and general depravity, but the film is generally really slow going and lacking in action or violence. Funny things to watch for: Nick Alexander doing a dopey pseudo-British accent as the voice of the pimp/train conductor, and Carlo De Mejo, Zora Kerova, and some other guy making a "Sex Sandwich" while standing up naked in a cramped compartment. I never thought I'd see this! that's for sure!

I also noticed Marcello Giombini's musical score really sounded like a big ripoff of the musical score for THE WARRIORS, complete with all the little synthesized musical stings combined with shots of the train... Ferdinando Baldi's movies rock, I wonder why nobody really seems to give a c**p about his work. I really liked Viva Django, which actually topped the original in most ways, and this film is definitely worth checking out; granted it's no Hitch Hike.

Terror Express is another entry into the Last House on the Left sub-genre that emerged in the 70s. To its credit its one of the more enjoyable films full of sleazy characters and a top-notch cast. Look out for Zora Kerova's double entry scene, the weirdo father who secretly wants to make love to his daughter, and Carlo De Mejo in an almost hardcore sequence involving the said daughter. Jesus how could anyone ever describe this film as dull? Not for the easily offended for sure but definitely one for the collection of any Italian horror-sleaze merchant.

As the other comments have made clear, "Terror Express" is another entry into the "Last House on the Left" subgenre that garnered some interest in the '70s and early '80s. When juxtaposed against the unflinching violence of LHotL, "Terror Express" is a mild affair, going instead for the more marketable fixture of steamy sex scenes (which are choreographed and paced in a manner to curb all boredom). Clocking in at around 80 minutes, the film doesn't waste much time with needless details, and instead gets right down to business (so to speak) as 3 smarmy thugs take over a compartment of an express train, inciting rapes and a few violent confrontations. The violence lacks the sadistic bite of LHotL and is more action-oriented. The cast plays like a "who's who?" of Italian gore veterans, from Zora Kerowa ("Make Them Die Slowly"/"New York Ripper"), Venantino Venantini ("City of the Living Dead"), Carlo de Mejo ("City of the Living Dead"), Fausto Lombardi ("Rats: Night of Terror"), and a bunch of actors from Andrea Bianchi's "Burial Ground" (no, not the creepy dwarf).

"Terror Express" ultimately amounts to highly entertaining, lowbrow trash. It looks as if everyone involved had a blast on the project, and this enthusiasm is infectious toward the viewer. Some of its stabs at social commentary are flat (and downright laughable), but honestly, who sees an exploitation flick of this nature for the writing?

Directed by Fernando Baldi, this Italian train-bound thriller is pure exploitation, its plot clearly inspired by the success of infamous shocker Last House on the Left and its many imitators (most notably, Aldo Lado's Night Train Murders).

Like so many disaster movies of the '70s, the film begins by introducing us to various passengers destined for a most unpleasant journey, and the three despicable slime-balls responsible for their suffering: David (Werner Pochath), Ernie (Carlo De Mejo) and Phil (Fausto Lombardi). After an excruciatingly long establishing shot of the train leaving the station, the film gradually picks up speed, with the trio of dirt-bags making eyes at all of the hot women, and causing trouble for the conductor (Gino Milli), who makes extra cash by pimping out lovely hooker Juliet (Silvia Dionisio) to the passengers.

The sleaze starts when dissatisfied wife Anna (Zora Kerova, from Cannibal Ferox) allows Ernie to have sex with her in the washroom; the couple strip off and get down to business, but to Anna's surprise, they are joined by David, the men forcing her into a standing-up threesome (one riding up front, the other in the caboose?). Meanwhile, Phil tries to break into Juliet's cabin for a little fun of his own.

One of the passengers, a policeman escorting prisoner Peter (Gianluigi Chirizzi) to Germany, intervenes, but is overpowered by the thugs, who take his gun; Peter is released and his handcuffs used to constrain the copper.

Not sleazy enough for you so far? Well how about this then? Sexy teenager Evelyn (Fiammetta Flamini) is feeling hot, so her father (Roberto Caporali) suggests she gets naked, which she does, before slipping back under her bed covers. Dear dad then goes to visit Juliet, insisting that the hooker wears his daughter's nightdress and lets him call her Evelyn. That's right... dad's got a thing for his daughter! Naughty, naughty!

From here-on in, its continuous sex and general debauchery, until the train stops so that a wheel-tapper can inspect the train, at which point nice-guy convict Peter decides to play the hero and fight back. I was hoping for some satisfying violence to round off the film, the three extremely irritating baddies fully deserving of grisly and graphic demises, but Baldi really fumbles the ball here, his trio of obnoxious jerks killed off in really lame fashion: David is hit by a passing train (at least I think that's what happens; it's unclear and very dark), Ernie is pushed off the train while it is moving, and Phil is stabbed by Peter, the actual stabbing occurring off the edge of the screen.

There's enough depravity to keep most exploitation fans happy for the duration, but the ending needed to be much stronger to qualify the film as a classic of the genre. 5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for IMDb.