Night Train to Murder

A will to be read at midnight, a maniac made up to look like the Phantom of the Opera, all the heirs being murdered, and Morecombe and Wise.

Eric Morecombe is even reading the story of what's going on in a cheap book, which pastiches a bunch of mysteries of the 1940s. They're playing a couple of mediocre music hall song-and-dance men, and there's a lot of potential in this TV movie. Unfortunately, there's no energy in the performances, and a dull pace of editing. It's the last time that that Morecombe and Wise worked together. Eric Morecombe was in poor health when they made this and there's little energy in their performances. He would die five months later at the age of 58. Ernie Wise would make one more solo appearance the following year, and follow his longtime partner in in 1999, aged 73.

Morecombe and Wise had formed their comedy partnership in 1941, and had prospered many years with the combination of schoolboy humor and soft amiability. The only chemistry in evidence between them is in the concluding scene, when they are walking away from the camera on a long road, singing old songs and telling old jokes to each other. It was a good moment to go out on. It's too bad the movie isn't much good.

I remember seeing this TV film when it was first broadcast. I can't believe Morecambe and Wise finished up making this nonsense. They were lumbered with average material, as were the supporting cast. The story is about as clichéd as it gets: the gathering of a family for the reading of a will at a large country house. There's murder afoot, along with secret passages, a master of disguise, foggy nights and family skeletons. It's clearly a pastiche of traditional crime fiction. Authors like Agatha Christie and Edgar Wallace spring to mind - except they made the above clichés entertaining and thrilling. Eric Morecambe does not look well but he's a real trooper.

In 1977, Morecambe and Wise were at the top of their game. Their Christmas Show of that year was watched by a staggering 28 million people. They had become a national institution.

So what made them quit the B.B.C.? Money? No, there was more to it than that. Thames Television had a feature film division - Euston Films - and Eric and Ernie, unhappy with their earlier big screen offerings, wanted a second bite of the celluloid cherry.

The result was 'Night Train To Murder' which, astonishingly, was made on videotape. Set in 1946, it stars our heroes as two down on their luck entertainers. Catherine, Eric's niece, turns up at the theatre where they are performing. Hiding in the wings is a masked assassin...

Sensing a chance to make some money, the lads appoint themselves her 'guardians'. Sinister lawyer Mackay goes with them to Scotland and here we get one of the film's few funny scenes as Eric and Ernie's Poker hands change each time their train enters a tunnel.

At Austin Hall, they encounter a cast of likely victims/suspects, amongst them battle axe Lady Flora, Velda the vamp, a Lurch-style butler and Kenneth Haigh in a variety of roles. Before you can say 'Cluedo', bodies fall out of closets, windows fly open, lightning flashes across the sky, and rats scurry in the basement.

On paper this all must have looked good. Alas, instead of being another 'The Cat And The Canary', it has more in common with Gene Wilder's 1986 turkey 'Haunted Honeymoon'. Eric and Ernie ( who co-wrote the script with director Joe McGrath ) made a mistake in trying a parody a genre exhausted through over parody. Everyone from The Two Ronnies to Frankie Howerd and Michael Palin has had a go at this subject matter at one time or another. With mostly greater success. Besides, Eric and Ernie were getting a bit long in the tooth by 1983; Eric in particular looks tired, which isn't surprising as he had recently undergone a heart operation.

But what really sinks the film is Joe McGrath's inept direction. His misjudges the mood of every scene; the scary bits don't scare, the funny bits...well, work it out for yourself. Despite the odd amusing moment, this misfires on all levels. Eric thought so too; it wasn't screened until well after his death. It was only sympathy for the loss of a great comedian that stopped this from being torn to pieces by the critics and public.

As Morecambe and Wise films go as a comedy this isn't there best but still a good film all the same, as a thriller it's a tad lacking and I believe the comedy suffers to try and give it a thrillers edge. The acting isn't totally up-to scratch, by all the cast, the few gags that are in it are liberally spread, and there but if you blink you will miss them. You can tell parts were dubbed, and only true Morecambe and Wise fans will appreciate this film. Seeing that I am not heavily in to thrillers and haven't read any books of which this "send-up of some of the great thriller writers, including Edgar Wallace, Raymond Chandler and Agatha Christie" is based on, so I may have missed some of the gags. Even though it's not the best of the films they made together but worth a watch!

0/10 for the film, the pacing and everything else to do with it. 10/10 for Eric and Ernie and Fulton. Eric and Ernie can do no wrong (though they tried hard with this one.) Their other films, especially That Riviera Touch and The Magnificent Two are leagues better, both in plot and production values.

Having grown up with them (and having seen them on stage in Bristol and meeting Ernie at the stage door - "Eric's sent me for the car") I will forever hold them close in my heart but, like watching Muhammed Ali fight too long, this film is way below their best and a sad way to bow out. Still, giants in their day.