The masseuse is a mainstay (currently quite popular) in porn, but this all-star production from the Golden Age simply rounds up the usual suspects and kills time.
Pic opens with Paul Thomas in his Corvette giving Desiree Cousteau a ride and hiring her as masseuse, after some fake romantic b.s. & a hump on the grass. Film quickly becomes asinine as PT has Serena teach Desiree how to suck cock, then the fine art of lesbian sex. An infantile approach treats Cousteau as if she were retarded or something.
Next an orgy on a charter fishing boat involving John Holmes kills time, followed by a cutely racist (cute given it's taking place in the past, not now) sequence. Desireee is asked to impersonate an Oriental woman as part of her job, picks up Mike Horner and Michael Morrison in Chinatown for a threesome, attempting a fake accent.
Her next client (it's quite clear that she's not a masseuse but a hooker by now) is a voyeur who likes to watch his wife make love to another woman. This scene is very clumsily directed by Leonard Kirtman and seems improvised, with the wife, beautiful Annette Haven, looking uncomfortable while the movie's title song is reprised. PT joins in for a threesome and for the second time in the movie his money shot looks fake. To top it off, this time there's no husband, so either the scene makes no sense (likely) or PT fabricated the entire assignment (who cares?).
Next scene of PT sending her to service his car mechanic sexually in lieu of paying the guy is merely stupid. Humping John Seeman, even a pro like Desiree is caught looking at the camera.
Last test before PT grants her a Deep Rub franchise of her own: she must get a guy to full erection and ejaculation in 4 minutes. This is the gimmick (but with extended time frame) right out of a vintage Rene Bond movie, with hokey clock-ticking music. Subject is "Sammy" but we never see his face and the money shot is not shown!
Additional test has her using hands-only on Paul - hand-job is completed off-camera with Paul pretending to come -extremely fake and insulting. Paul's ham-bone performance is embarrassing, and equally bad is film's coda where Desiree talks dirty directly to the camera, and we suffer through the title song one more time.
