Fair Game

I like Cindy Crawford. I really do. I respect the class she has maintained in an often classless fashion and modeling industry. But some people should stick to what they know.

Cindy, my God! In this movie, you were just in your lovely apartment overlooking the water. Your apartment is then blown up, you are blown off the balcony into the water, your cat is toast and all your possessions are gone. Oh, and by the way, a bunch of very bad people are now trying to shoot you dead. You get out of the cold water, run for your life and get taken to a safe house where the 2nd rate Baldwin asks you `How do you feel?' And Cindy says with the intensity of a heroin addict, `Like my life just exploded. What is this place, Motel Hell?' She said it like she was reading the phone book! A real actress would have been looking at the cop like he was nuts! And she would have delivered the lines accordingly. It got worse.

Did you see at the very first scene in the movie where Cindy's character is jogging and gets shot? Did you notice her slowing down to hit her mark and wait for the shot? I've never heard or seen anyone more stilted and lifeless except for a really bored telemarketer.

The writing was just BAD, and the movie was just about look how good Cindy looks after being dumped in water and having no shower. Notice her lips still had color? Did they have the long-lasting stuff back then?

Luckily it wasn't the kind of bad where you can't sit and laugh at it. You can sit and laugh at this one. In fact, you don't have a choice.

Before it careens into total silliness, `Fair Game' is a lot of fun. After the rather absurd attempted shooting of Crawford in the opening scene, `Fair Game' begins rather effectively examining the loss of privacy in the digital world, a fresh idea in 1995 (`Enemy of the State' didn't arrive till three years later). Crawford plays a lawyer specializing in civil cases. While helping one of his divorce clients she inadvertently falls under the scrutiny of a group of former KGB assassins. William Baldwin (`Backdraft')is the cop assigned to protect her. Baldwin looks like a cross between his brother Alec and Nicholas Cage; in other words, kind of goofy. Cindy Crawford looks like …well, Cindy Crawford, one of the world's most beautiful women. Crawford received some pretty bad raps for this movie. That's really unfair, but not surprising, considering Hollywood's experience with supermodels. In the 50s, they used to dub supermodel Suzy Parker. Crawford's considerably better than that. Her voice and line readings remind me of early Farrah Fawcett.

The big problem here is neither Crawford nor Baldwin. It's a script that would have us believe former KGB operatives would miss Crawford with a machine gun as she stands by a storefront with no cover. It's a script that would have us believe KGB agents would blow up Crawford's house with C4 to cover a COVERT operation. It's the script that would give Baldwin endless supplies of 9mm ammunition, while he leaves behind machine guns and `street sweepers'. It's a script that has the intelligent, sensible Crawford running from Baldwin, her only ally. It's a script that would have us believe the feisty Crawford would surrender without a fight, etc., etc.

Production values for `Fair Game' are top notch, great color photography, sound, music, editing and stunts. Had producer Joel Silver substituted Jackie Chan for Billy Baldwin, `Fair Game' would have made a first rate martial arts movie, even with its other shortcomings. ‘Course, I'm not sure Cindy Crawford would've `gotten naked' for Jackie Chan. Well, topless, anyway.

`Fair Game' is a `dumb blonde' of a movie, but Crawford is anything but dumb. She deserved better and deserves another opportunity to prove her mettle as an actress. If she made another movie, I'd go see it, even if she become closer to an "8" than a "10".

Nonetheless, `Fair Game' is, at worst, a `fair' movie. I give it a `5'.

The plot was stupid and the acting was so bad. Cindy Crawford can absolutely not act. And the movie didn't even have any decent nude scenes. If the people responsible for this movie are going to subject us to such garbage they can at least throw in some decent nudity so that the movie won't be a total loss.

Really bad and tedious with it. The mystery here was not who was trying to kill Cindy Crawford, but how her hair was magically dry and sexily tousled after a series of dunkings.

Cindy has exhibited better acting in lipstick commercials. And that scene where she uses her charms to persuade the geek in the computer shop to help her was reminiscent of Ginger trying to coax a coconut from Gilligan.

Silly from start to finish.

Okay, so the screenplay wasn't really Sidney Lumet, and the two leads were in bad need of an acting class, but you can't say this movie wasn't entertaining. It was campy! Everyone in the cast talked like they were reading off a chalkboard somewhere, making it hilarious. What's more (or to add good expectations for the male side) you get a full glimpse of Cindy Crawford's bare breasts and the millionth Baldwin brother to take a shot at acting. (And without a surprise, this shot proved blank.) Don't take this as something serious; look at it as the "Plan 9 Of Outer Space" for Hollywood action movies. If you have to poke fun an it, you could, but take the whole thing like a grain of salt.

Invite some friends over, leave your brain at the door, get a few beers and Chinese take-out and prepare yourself for a blast!