Caged Heat 3000

This is only my second women in prison flick. The first was more or less a porno, and I think it had a better plot. Basically woman A kills woman B which necessitates revenge from woman C which necessitates revenge from woman D, E, F, etc. The prison guards, who dress like garbage men "of the future" sell drugs to the women, have sex with them, rape them, torture them, all the good stuff. The warden wants to become a politician, and there's a news crew that comes to the prison, so he doesn't want anything to make him look bad while they're there. Guess what?

Anyhow, there's a ton of T&A, full frontal, whatever you want. Nice outfits the girls wear, little skin-tight workout outfits "of the future".

The cinematography is awful, the lighting is awful - for a movie that only exists to show off women, a lot of scenes are too dark and all are smoky, making it hard to see. Most of the dialog is just trash-talking. The "hero" of the story isn't likable - for all the people that want to get her, at one point she starts beating on a girl who's doing nothing but standing around.

I guess it's about what I expected, except they could at least have lit and photographed it better.

I have seen some really really really bad movies in my life, but this is hands down the worst yet. Not even the gargantuan number of exposed breasts could save that movie. In fact, its a testament to my heterosexuality that I was ever able to look at a woman after seeing that "film". I have seen better acting in low budget 70's porn. It was actually physically painful to watch.

What is worse, is that IMDb requires that I write a minimum of 10 lines about this frightful piece of human cultural excrement, but just thinking about this heaving bloat of evil stink is causing me to become ill. They could use this movie to torture confessions out of prisoners

The director went back to production designing and if you watch his films you'll be glad he did. This is one of the worst of the Roger Corman produced films and there is some tough competition for that prize. This is one of those things where they just don't seem like they know how to make a movie of any sort.

What should be a hose down in outerspace, can't manage anything that is entertaining, that looks like a movie, or even manages to hit the marks that are required for a women's prison film. Not a classy genre but...

Sex appeal is low and production design, you'd think the director would at least get that right, is thread bare, more so than the actresses. A wasted opportunity and a waste of time on all levels.

Although I haven't seen the prequels to Caged Heat 3000, I can guarantee that this film will arouse your artistic sensibility (among other things). The film opens with an artistic montage of tragic and violent images, and from there quickly spirals into a bombardment of silicon beauties. The fights were incredibly cheesy if you took the time to divert your attention from the ladies. There weren't any special effects worth mentioning, however the sets were well done considering the budget. Kudos to anyone who has the patience the count every single pair of breasts. Pausing and taking count will need to be done many times. My guess is that the 3000 was derived from the breast count. Bear in mind, that the film is not limited to just breasts... plenty of buttocks and female genitalia will fulfill a need in most people who are between girlfriends. I had just gone through a brutal divorce, and this movie had really hit the spot. For a $0.99 Albertson's Monday special, it beats a marriage counselor.

Good lord. This movie is an abysmal mess. Much like other movies of similar caliber (z-grade), I rented this in the hopes that it would be chock full of unintentional hilarity. No such hilarity exists within this film. In fact, it's hard to believe that a movie about a female prison of the future could be so dreadfully boring.

What's this movie about? Good question. I was asking myself the same thing throughout the entire viewing. Unfortunately, the plot has thus far eluded me. It's unnecessarily byzantine, and written by someone who'd be more at home with after school specials. But, as far as I can tell, the story is centered around Kira (Lisa Boyle). I'm not sure why Kira is at the prison, but, within minutes of her arrival she witnesses the rape of a fellow inmate. Kira, for reasons obscure to me, becomes so incensed that she exacts revenge on some gal who, as best I can tell, is somehow tangentially related to the rape and the rapists.

This revenge attack sets off a series of additional attacks: inmate(s) vs. inmate(s), inmate(s) vs. guard(s), inmate(s) vs. administrator(s), guard(s) vs. administrator(s), etc. Maybe I'm stupid, but I could never figure out why, specifically, all this fighting was taking place. More importantly, I could never figure out what this had to do with the plot -- but, as mentioned previously, I had no idea what the plot was to begin with.

Ultimately, this movie is nothing more than a hodgepodge of inane dialogue, fight scenes and nudity. There's also a disturbing amount of rape... or, at least, sexual abuse. This leaves the viewer with an unnecessarily bad taste.

Bad movie highlights? Well, we found it somewhat amusing that the prison inmates enjoy free reign of the compound. They're always walking around unattended, hanging out in large groups, performing menial tasks with equipment that could easily be employed as effective weapons (the "mining" sequences spring to mind). Other than that, it's just boring, boring, boring.

Good movie score: 2/10 Bad movie score: 2/10. In short: not worth watching by any stretch of the imagination.