Blonde Heaven

Wow...this was a dumb movie. Now to be fair, my expectations are never high when I am preparing to watch an erotic thriller, but this was lame even compared to most films in this genre. The plot is practically nonexistent, and what little story there is happens to be painfully bad. Therefore, the only reason to watch this film is for female flesh. But, even if you're THAT desperate to see oodles of nudity, I can only hope that you keep your finger close to the fast-forward button, because this film is just plain awful.

An horrible skin film, void of any redeeming value, other than a few assorted beauties (most of them not even blonde), who wander through this movie without any clothes on. Story is ridicolous. There are at least two scream queens (Julie Strain and Michelle Bauer), but even the fans of the horror movies will be bored by this Blonde Heaven.

Director DeCouteau should have the courage to make real porno movies, not absolutely vain exercises in simulated sex like the several ones he made for Full Moon and other companies.

A pity.

this movie has typical b movie acting and actors,but it has some upbeat music, beautiful buff girls and guys, and convincing simulated sex scenes. if you want to watch a movie just for pure sexual gratification, this is it.

I've always been a fan of Julie Strain, but finding a decent title of hers is not easy to do. No shortage of roles getting naked, but try seeking out a dtv flick where she's center stage that isn't awful. 'Blonde Heaven' looked to be another subpar T&A pic that I wasn't going to bother with until I started reading into it. Those details I'll get into below, but let's just say in hindsight they didn't warrant giving this a go.

A cabal of vampires in LA run a modelling and escort agency called "Blonde Heaven" with Illyana (Strain) at the head of the table. Aspiring actress and small town girl Angie (Raelyn Saalman) comes seeking a career with ex-bf Kyle (Alton Butler) in tow. She takes a meeting with them and Illyana is immediately drawn to her feeling a lifeforce flowing thru Angie that reminds her of a long lost love. Meanwhile Kyle meets a vampire hunter who tells him about what's really going on there.

Filmed in 1995, given it's tv premiere with word Paramount was gonna distribute it on video before those plans (disagreements over content) saw it lay dormant until 2001. Now retitled 'Morgana' it's given a DVD release that also see it edited down to an R rated version. Thanks to an internet kind soul, I was able to view the "Unrated Director's Cut" that apparently aired on television back in Oct '95.

Genre names like Monique Parent and Michelle Bauer put in roles and show their stuff, but its all severely underwhelming. Didn't expect a stellar story, but the one here is very heavily a bore. Worst of all it's female nudity, sex scenes don't bail it out. For what is supposed to be the "unrated" version things never get real hot. One or two shots of muff, but mostly the usual. Nipples being sucked on and implied oral is hardly super steamy.

'Blonde Heaven' planted the idea it would deliver nicely when Julie got naked and banged during the opening credits, but everything after was a steady plunge downhill. Boobs, butts and more than a few muscular dudes shown off (director David DeCoteau is gay), but not enough of a reward for sitting through its poor story on the low budget spectrum.

I thought this would be a good movie, but it ended up sucking at the end (literally!) Julie Strain has sex with a guy through the opening credits....it was quite entertaining watching them go through so many positions in so little time. The plot is wafer thin and full of old, tired concepts. The country hick girl comes to L.A. to be an actress (don't they all?). Unfortunately, her boyfriend tags along unknowingly (that's until he finds her and they have sex, go fig). "Blonde Heaven" is the code name for an escort service that's really a coven of bloodsucking vampires. (See "TFTC: Bordello of Blood") Julie Strain is the head vamp/madam, and hires the country girl to be one of her "girls". If you notice, whenever you see someone in "Blonde Heaven" they're wearing black clothes and black shades...I guess they do that in order to recognize them as the "bad guys". The ending is also pretty generic as well....I won't ruin it for the 5 of you that want to wait for the ending. The acting is bad, the sex scenes are horrible, and the music is downright awful....but then again, Julie Strain is in it. Julie's presence in this flick (along with my all-time fave B-movie actress Monique Parent), and Julie's sex scene in the opening credits keep this movie from receiving an F, but just barely. I give it a D+; see it at your own risk.