Attention! Enfants

OK, I love horror, I live horror, I write horror and make money at it too, and I'm easy to please . . . but, *Beware! Children at Play* is laughable and downright ridiculous. And, maybe, just maybe, that's what makes it so fun to watch, if anything else.

Talk about wooden acting, this has it twofold. But heck, would you buy a film titled *Beware! Children at Play*, by TROMA INC. nonetheless, and honestly trust to see Academy Award winning performances? I hope not. However, these are REALLY bad.

The main character has the voice of Terry `Hollywood Hulk' Hogan, as well as his acting capacity. And the whole plot premise is totally unbelievable. The police protocol, as it is portrayed in this movie, is bogus . . . not real life by any stretch of the imagination. The scene where the little girl is taken from her back yard and the way in which it is handled made me feel stupid just sitting there watching. So silly that it gives fiction a whole new meaning. Some of the dialogue is up to par, though. The ending isn't all that great as some of the reviewers would have you believe-typical TROMA gore-splatter effects. I think with a camcorder, friends, neighbors, and a few thousand dollars, I could make *Beware! Children at Play: Part 2*. Actually, I know I could.

I'm sure it goes without saying, that this film is good if you know what kind of B-movie trash is to be found here before you give 90 MIN. of your life to it, and were intentionally seeking this type of entertainment. In fact, I'm sure this would be killer kewl to watch if I was a fifth or sixth grader, or possibly still a junior high schooler. If I were fourteen again, I'd probably be watching it with friends on the weekend, playing PlayStation or XBOX, eating pizza, and having a great time. Actually at thirty I still do this, but that's beside the point.

Bottom line I guess is: *Beware! Children at Play* sucks, sucks, sucks . . . and I bought it on VHS.

Me and my 15-year-old cousin recently watched this movie. Lately we'd been really into horror/slasher films. We rented some movies and saved this video until last. (We had read the warning label on the front and got really excited.) We should of known by the first 20 minutes of the film that it was going to be boring. Sure, we are just 2 teenagers, right? Well we still think that this movie isn't recomended for ANY age. It was awful! I'd give it * out of *****

Oh my goodness! This movie puts any ending to any other movie to shame. It was slow at first, I admit it. But that ending just made everything worth it. What beats a bunch of rednecks killing a bunch of young children. "Beware Children At Play"? More like "Beware Rednecks With Deadly Weapons At Play"! Rock on! I love this movie.

BEWARE: CHILDREN AT PLAY opens with a father and his young son on a camping trip in the wilds of New Jersey. Tragically, their bonding is interrupted by cannibalism.

Ten years later, a family is visiting a friend whose daughter has vanished, unaware that a dozen children have recently gone missing. This is all happening near the very woods where a feral teenager resides. Where have all the children gone, and who is committing the blood-splashing murders in the area? Is a local religious cult involved?

Cheap, and clumsier than a three-legged hippopotamus, B:CAP plods along, trying to be terrifying, betrayed at every turn by static filming, robotic "acting", and dismal dialogue. The "grandpa's-playing-with-the-synthesizer-again" musical score doesn't help. At all.

As for the "creepy" kids, they're hysterical! It's as though they were gathered together moments before filming, told what their lines and actions were to be, then told to "act". The result is a glorious mess! Watching them kill someone, is like watching ants crawling on a discarded candy wrapper. Of course, these tots are no worse than their adult counterparts, who recite lines that appear foreign to them!

Alas, this could have been an uber-schlock masterwork, if not for the terminal dullness factor. This is basically a nap, interrupted by a few gore scenes.

Beware, indeed!...

I had never seen a Troma film before this. I had no idea what to expect. My best friend recommended it, so the two of us and another friend rented it one night and watched it. The results were as follows: My best friend and I laughed the entire time. My other friend became violent. Don't worry, he didn't hurt anyone. The bottom line is, this is NOT a horror movie! The creators may have attempted to make a horror movie, but what they made was a hilarious comedy! The actors in this movie are absolutely horrible! Click on any of their bios, very few of them have been in over three or four movies! THERE'S A REASON FOR THIS!!!!!!! But you know what? They're all trying really hard to do a good job, and I'm certain that they thought that they were making Hollywood gold. Now let's look at other aspects of production. I have a feeling that this is what Max Bialystock and Leo Bloom were looking for when they found "Springtime for Hitler" in "The Producers"! There is no aspect of this movie that is particularly good, which makes everything GREAT! Especially if you are a theatre student, like me. I refer to such cinematic techniques as introducing a character (A psychic medium in this instance) and NEVER closing up on her face! I refer to a man who is getting a crowd incensed, but they never respond with more than a dull "EERRRRR". I refer to a monologue by a Bible salesman (And won't most people in a religious community ALREADY own a Bible?) where in the middle of the monologue the shot changes to a Speed Limit sign for no apparent reason. Then there's the end of the film. I won't give it away, but you have GOT to stomach this movie to see the ending! It's worth it! Trust me!!!!!!