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Teresa's Tattoo

  • 1994
  • R
  • 1h 28m
IMDb RATING
4.5/10
570
YOUR RATING
C. Thomas Howell, Nancy McKeon, Lou Diamond Phillips, Jonathan Silverman, Adrienne Shelly, and Casey Siemaszko in Teresa's Tattoo (1994)
SatireComedyCrime

Mathematician Teresa just wanted to study during the College spring break. But her friends, who want her to live a little, drag her out to parties. The next thing she knows, she has been dru... Read allMathematician Teresa just wanted to study during the College spring break. But her friends, who want her to live a little, drag her out to parties. The next thing she knows, she has been drugged, kidnapped, made a redhead, tattooed, and wearing leather?!? Her captors seem to be t... Read allMathematician Teresa just wanted to study during the College spring break. But her friends, who want her to live a little, drag her out to parties. The next thing she knows, she has been drugged, kidnapped, made a redhead, tattooed, and wearing leather?!? Her captors seem to be the most inept crooks ever. They seem to have a plan, if only she could figure out why it i... Read all

  • Director
    • Julie Cypher
  • Writers
    • Georgie Huntington
    • Marc Cushman
    • Samuel Benedict
  • Stars
    • C. Thomas Howell
    • Nancy McKeon
    • Lou Diamond Phillips
  • See production info at IMDbPro
  • IMDb RATING
    4.5/10
    570
    YOUR RATING
    • Director
      • Julie Cypher
    • Writers
      • Georgie Huntington
      • Marc Cushman
      • Samuel Benedict
    • Stars
      • C. Thomas Howell
      • Nancy McKeon
      • Lou Diamond Phillips
    • 8User reviews
    • 1Critic review
  • See production info at IMDbPro
  • See production info at IMDbPro
  • Photos79

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    Top cast27

    Edit
    C. Thomas Howell
    C. Thomas Howell
    • Carl
    Nancy McKeon
    Nancy McKeon
    • Sara
    Lou Diamond Phillips
    Lou Diamond Phillips
    • Wheeler
    Casey Siemaszko
    Casey Siemaszko
    • Michael
    Jonathan Silverman
    Jonathan Silverman
    • Rick
    Adrienne Shelly
    Adrienne Shelly
    • Teresa…
    Diedrich Bader
    Diedrich Bader
    • Higgins
    Anthony Clark
    Anthony Clark
    • Mooney
    Tippi Hedren
    Tippi Hedren
    • Evelyn Hill
    k.d. lang
    k.d. lang
    • Michelle
    Joe Pantoliano
    Joe Pantoliano
    • Bruno
    Mary Kay Place
    Mary Kay Place
    • Nora
    Mare Winningham
    Mare Winningham
    • Singer
    Nanette Fabray
    Nanette Fabray
    • Martha Mae
    Majel Barrett
    Majel Barrett
    • Henrietta
    Matt Adler
    Matt Adler
    • Titus
    Brian Davila
    • Elvis
    Melissa Etheridge
    Melissa Etheridge
    • Hooker
    • Director
      • Julie Cypher
    • Writers
      • Georgie Huntington
      • Marc Cushman
      • Samuel Benedict
    • All cast & crew
    • Production, box office & more at IMDbPro

    User reviews8

    4.5570
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    Featured reviews

    2bkoganbing

    Cashed In Some Favors

    Teresa's Tattoo was Julie Cypher's second and last effort as a director we can all hope. My guess is that Lou Diamond Phillips, her husband at the time must have cashed in a bunch of favors from his Hollywood friends to get his wife this gig as a feature director. Her first effort was a short back in 1990.

    A whole lot of people who came to prominence in the Eighties were gathered together for this inept comedy about a pair of doppleganger girls, one of whom dies while in the custody of kidnappers. Seems as though she's wearing earrings that contain holograph messages with data on the space program. Though who might have wanted it in 1995 with the Cold War over is beyond me.

    Anyway poor Adrienne Shelley who plays the dead original kidnap victim and her lookalike who some gangsters hired by the Feds (yes, you read that right)grab instead because they think this is a ransom snatch proves a good deal smarter than any of the people trying to kidnap or rescue her. She's a math major, what would you expect?

    This film is like a class reunion, look at the cast members, C. Thomas Howell, Casey Siemaszko, Nancy McKeon, Lou Diamond Phillips, Matt Adler, Joe Pantoliano, all came up about ten years earlier. Even Kiefer Sutherland has an unbilled part as a deputy sheriff and he could certainly be considered a contemporary.

    The jokes fall flatter than Dorothy Gale's Kansas plains, everyone looks pained, some like Lou Diamond Phillips who know they're in a gobble gobble contest make up for it by overacting outrageously. Lou looked like he was in dress rehearsal for the part he had in The Big Hit which was a much funnier film.

    Kiefer Sutherland was the smartest guy in the bunch, he didn't take any billing for this.
    4Goon-2

    Stupid, probably intentionally that way

    If this was MEANT to be a good movie, whoever wrote it would have given it a MUCH better plot, and called it something much less...silly than "Teresa's Tattoo!"

    But I really, really don't think the writers, directors, cast, crew, etc, of this film were intending to make something good, or if they were, um... well, I won't go there.

    Instead, "Teresa's Tattoo" is some weird, loud comedy made up of a big crew of supporting and/or B actors, who seem to be improvising most of the time, probably to liven up the ridiculous "plot" of a "college student" (played by geriatric looking Adrienne Shelley) who is mistaken for the sister of a bumbling villian (Casey Siemaszko, who's the only reason I watched this!), and kidnapped by uh, other bumbling villians (C. Thomas Howell and a couple of other B-actors I am forgetting) and for some reason given a "new look" that includes dyed-red hair, a short, tight, black leather dress, and a tattoo, hence the title. I think the whole reason behind her stupid kidnapping is so the stupid kidnappers can get an earing that really contains a microchip full of ...importance.

    It's dumb alright, sometimes in a dull way, and sometimes in a so-stupid-it's-funny way. The duller moments involve Shelley and her friends Nancy McKeon(was SHE supposed to be a "college student" too?!) and Joe Pantiolano(sporting a hideous wardrobe); and Shelley and her family (the usually somewhat dependable Sean Astin is stuck in a drab role as Shelley's stepbrother, a gratuitously Southern cop...and Mr. Astin needs to work on accents with a dialect coach if they are all as bad as this one). Howell and his gang of robbers are also fairly dull, except some weird "bit" involving frozen food is soooorrrrt of entertaining. Siemaszko and Lou Diamond Phillips (director Julie Cypher's ex) are actually pretty funny in their nonsensical roles, and I don't even care for Lou Diamond Phillips most of the time. Their roles are fairly big, too, which helps.

    A plethora of celebrities also have cameos, such as Tippi Hedren and Shelly Fabres; Melissa Ethridge (Cypher's other ex); Mare Winningham; Kiefer Sutherland; and Emilio Estevez(or else it was an Emilio Estevez wannabe, and what's with the "Young Guns" cast?), all adding to the fact that this was really just some excuse for these actors to get together and party, or else they all needed to pay their rent or something, because ...why else was this made?

    At least it makes for a semi- entertaining way to pass the time.
    5culwin

    Sigh

    If you want to see dumb people, see Dumb and Dumber - at least that movie's funny. This movie is a total waste of Lou Diamond Philip's acting ability (but may be C Thomas Howell's best movie). This girl is kidnapped but accidentally dies so her kidnappers kidnap another girl who looks like her. The kidnappers are dumb, the people who rescue her are dumb, everyone involved is dumb, and for some reason everyone has corny accents and overacts. This movie could have been good with some good writers and some good actors, but as it stands it's just another un-funny comedy.
    4camraman

    COULD HAVE BEEN BETTER

    I happened upon this movie at a pay-per-view movie site. Seeing an opportunity to watch a movie without heading to the video store was very appealing. So, after reviewing 10 or 12 titles, I settled on Teresa's Tattoo partly because of the premise, partly because of actor Lou Diamond Phillips- The Big Hit, Stand and Deliver.

    What was really interesting was seeing a number of popular actors in this movie that are uncredited as the top billers in the print ads- Joe Pantoliano, Teppi Hedren and more- executing a poorly directed script. This is probably a movie they would like to disassociate themselves.

    The movie, as a whole, was poorly executed as an entertainment vehicle. The script lacked the comedic flow necessary to evoke substantial laughter from this viewer. There were a few funny moments (particularly the desk sergeant/police officer scene with Teresa/Gloria (Adrienne Shelley)), but most of the scenes fell flat.

    Rating: 4/10
    5Etoile

    Oh, dear.

    Why do you want to see this movie? Is it for the stars? Go see them in something else. Is it for the music? Go find a CD. Is it for the plot? No, wait, it couldn't be. The movie has no plot! What's there is pointless and clueless. But wait! The movie does have a saving grace: the CAMEOS. Melissa Etheridge as a hooker, and k.d. lang as (oh my goodness) a born-again Christian! Nancy McKeon also puts in a delightful performance.

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    Storyline

    Edit

    Did you know

    Edit
    • Trivia
      Kiefer Sutherland appears in a cameo as a favor to friend Lou Diamond Phillips.
    • Crazy credits
      The beach-ball which causes the initial accident is credited in the cast as 'Rando Jr.'
    • Connections
      Referenced in How It Really Happened with Hill Harper: Mysterious Death of Adrienne Shelly: Nothing's As It Seems (2022)
    • Soundtracks
      2001
      Written and Performed by Melissa Etheridge

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    FAQ13

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    Details

    Edit
    • Release date
      • April 6, 1995 (Germany)
    • Country of origin
      • United States
    • Language
      • English
    • Also known as
      • El tatuaje de Teresa
    • Filming locations
      • Los Angeles, California, USA
    • Production companies
      • Cinetel Films
      • Yankee Entertainment Group
      • Trimark Pictures
    • See more company credits at IMDbPro

    Tech specs

    Edit
    • Runtime
      • 1h 28m(88 min)
    • Color
      • Color
    • Sound mix
      • Ultra Stereo

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