Sacré mariage

...but all in all it wasn't so very painful.

It's hard to find an accurate descriptor for this movie. It was an effort...you sort of find yourself feeling the same way about it that you would about a child's school report read aloud...gently ignoring glaring flaws and nodding encouragingly.

Bonus points for including Hutterites in a movie. I bet a lot of people had no idea they even existed. Take away a few points for the gott-awful pseudogerman accents that everyone affected...they didn't work at all. Tate Donovan couldn't even keep the accent consistently...I thought at first he was acting "American" and then going back to German when he returned to the community...but then I heard American there too.

The plot had charm, but it was overall weak. Joseph Gordon-Levitt was very cute as Zeke, save a couple of stilted moments (in the car at the border). Patricia Arquette is generally a charming actress, but I found myself wincing a couple of times....("Jack...Daniels! Wooooooo!") The only character who seemed halfway authentic was Uncle Wilhelm, everyone else seemed uncomfortable and out-of-place.

The cover of the jacket bills it as a sexy comedy....I don't know where that came from....what sex?

Anyhow, it was sweet...not the best-directed or the best-acted, but it felt like the intention was there.

If ever a film is a lost cause, this one is. I agree, Joseph Gordon-Levitt is the best part about it, although Patricia Arquette has her moments. The script and direction are both awful. Skip it unless you are fans of one of the stars.

Havana (Patricia Arquette) and her boyfriend Peter (Tate Donovan) rob a large amount from the safe of her chief in the fair where she works. On the next morning, they see Peter on the front page headline. They realize that there was a hidden camera and now they are wanted by the police. They flee and Peter convinces Havana to travel to the Hutterite community where he was raised. He lies to his uncle Wilhelm (Armin Mueller-Stahl) and tells that Havana is his wife. They are forced to get married in the community to live together. Peter hides the money to force Havana to stay with him. However he has a car accident and dies. In accordance with the Hutterite traditions, Havana has to leave the village or marry Peter's brother, who is the boy Ezekiel (Joseph Gordon- Levitt). Havana needs more time to find the money and accepts to get married with the boy. Meanwhile the corrupt FBI Agent Markowski (John Schuck) is seeking Peter and Havana out to take their money for him.

"Holy Matrimony" is a moralist but cute comedy. Watching this 1994 film in 2016, it is funny to see the boy Joseph Gordon-Levitt. The twenty-six year-old Patricia Arquette is in the top of her beauty. Another attraction is the director Leonard "Mr. Spock" in his last work as a film director. My vote is six.

Title (Brazil): "Santo Matrimônio" ("Holy Matrimony")

Do you really think I would be here if I didn't enjoy the movie. Albeit, minimally. The only true charm this movie has is the chrisma of the young Gordon-Levitt. Without him, the movie is a lost cause.

Betsy (Patricia Arquette) and Peter (Tate Donovan) rob a carnival and go on the run. To hide out they return to the religious commune where Peter grew up. He hides the money and then promptly dies. To remain in the commune and find the money Betsy marries Peter's younger brother Ezekiel (Joseph Gordon-Levitt), leading to "comedy", "adventure" and "love".....

What could be better than a comedy set in an Amish-style community starring Patricia Arquette and directed by Spock? Well - quite a lot actually. The plot is pretty thin and all the "comedy" revolves around the mis-match of the boy and his adult wife. This gets very thin very quickly, leaving only the "thriller" plot of the dirty FBI agent hunting the money himself (John Schuck). Unfortunately the thriller element doesn't work either.

Patricia Arquette is poor in the lead role playing a very unsympathetic character that flicks between two emotions - angry and repentant. Gordon-Levitt is good as Ezekiel and has some of the few funny moments in the film. However he is hampered by the poor material he has to work with. Support from Donovan and Schuck is as poor as you'd expect.

It's not a terrible film but it's just all so lame. There's nothing to really make you feel strongly either way and to me that's worse than a film that's laughably bad. The whole project is pointless.