Chaude journée à L.A.

I didn't know much about "Hugo Pool" when I rented it last night. It seemed to be about an interesting collection of quirky characters. What I found out is that it's a collection of quirky characters, all right, but interesting, they're not.

Here's the plot, such as it is. Alyssa Milano plays a pool cleaner. We follow her around for a day as she cleans a few pools and encounters quirky characters, some of whom are family members, others customers.

Ms. Milano is awful in the lead role. This is the caliber of acting you'd expect from the girl playing Laurie in the high school production of "Oklahoma". It's pretty much a one-note performance, as if she were told, "act impatient," so she responded by setting her jaw and stomping through the movie. Drive truck, pour chemicals, act impatient, encounter next customer, scold Mom, act impatient. No higher gear, no lower gear, just the one setting.

Sean Penn and Robert Downey Jr. are terrific actors. Something went wrong here, though. Mr. Downey does some sort of burned-out-Inspector-Clouseau routine, while Mr. Penn does some sort of grown-up-Jeff-Spicoli thing.

Whatever. At no time did I see any of these quirky characters as anything other than actors trying to act quirky.

And I kept thinking about the 44 pools Ms. Milano was supposed to clean in one day. Say 10 minutes per pool, and 10 minutes' drive between pools, and that's nearly a 15-hour day. And she kept saying she was running late. Would you want to have, say, pool #40, and have some bickering pool cleaners in your backyard at 10:00-11:00 at night?

And I got to thinking about the money. Mr. Downey's character was behind on payments, the numbers averaging out to $200 per month. Let's say there are only 44 customers, pools being cleaned once a day. So the pool cleaning company is grossing $105,600 per year. If there are 88 customers, pools being cleaned every other day, the company is grossing $211,200 per year. If pools are cleaned once a week, and the pool company works 5 days per week, the company is grossing over half a million a year.

I don't have a pool and have no idea how often pools are cleaned. But the point is, it was more interesting to sit and do the revenue calculations in my head than to watch the parade of actors acting quirky. Or badly acting.

In "Hugo Pool" the adorable Alyssa Milano plays Hugo Dugay. A young diabetic pool cleaner who has to clean over forty pools in one day. She has some of the most eccentric David Lynch like customers, including a man (Patrick Dempsy) in a wheel chair who can only talk by a computer. Because of his kindness she can't help but fall head first, not in a pool but in love. Hugo also tries to help her crazy parents. Her father (Malcom Mcdowell) is a recovering junkie who shoots up drugs in a puppet. He calls the drug "Ring-Dang-Doo". Her mother is a compulsive gambler and owes someone money. Hugo is so kind, she even loans her mother money. "Hugo Pool" is a bizarre, colorful tragic comedy. Filled with bright blue and yellow colors throughout, it has a whacked out sense of humor that only Robert Downey Sr. could create. No wonder why his son is so crazy!

So it may not be a blockbuster. But quirky does describe it well. Sean Penn and Roddy McDowall have an interesting relationship in this movie, but it's a good thing that Downey Jr. is related to the writer, as his portrayal of Franz is way over the top. But the surprise is that Danilo Perez provided the soundtrack, and while the original music may not live up to the content of his jazz albums, the inclusion of the Thelonious Monk tunes in the soundtrack is an incredible treat!

There are a number of memorable acting turns, some more than obvious self-reflective references to addictions (of all types), and a too-pat hand of predictability to move this film beyond a 6 for me. The performances almost rise above the plot restrictions (or lack of restrictions)....an interesting contrast is Robert Altman's "Cookie's Fortune" which I saw two days later which used the characters' idiosyncrasies to move a plot.

This movie is worth seeing for two very funny scenes- Malcolm McDowell fighting with his alter-ego puppet and Sean Penn in his blue shoes. The story is very light-hearted and Patrick Dempsey as the young man with lou gehrig's disease imparts a real sensuality to the role. As usual Downey and Lewis add a weird element- but is a fun day with the pool girl, her mom and various inhabitants of the not so rich people of California.