Return to Jupiter

Not Safe for Anyone.

Ok, I'm definitely not the intended audience; I'm seriously assuming that the producers intended this for young Australian teens. But it's not good for anyone - well, maybe six-year-olds. Please note that this was a sequel for Escape from Jupiter - also for the same audience and many of the same actors (I didn't watch it). (Truthfully, I only watched four episodes, three of which were on in the background while writing this.)

So why did I watch it? Sonia Todd. She's generally a good actress. And in this show she's the best of the lot. What's surprising is that David Wenham, best known as Faramir in LOTR, is in this. He wears false teeth to give his character a buck-toothed nerd look and, along with wearing thick glasses at the tip of his nose, the whole affect just doesn't work. Both actors must have agreed to do this just for the paycheck.

The plot is simple: a bunch of pubescent teens and two adults head to Ganymede on a cargo ship. The kids tend not to listen and generally do stupid stuff to move the alleged plot along. Don't ignore that this was written by twelve-year-olds.

It's best to ignore *any* concerns regarding scientific or practical or logical realism. Ignore the CGI as well - it's low-budget made-for-tv SFX. Actuality, just ignore the entire show.

I watched this because I loved the original "Escape from Jupiter" and I only finished all the episodes of this sequel because I kept hoping that the initial bad episodes and storyline would improve; It does not improve, in fact it just gets worse with each episode.

I don't know who had more drinks, the script-writer or the cameraman but it's a contest of interrible-ness. The story is inconsistent and I can only assume the characters suffer from oxygen depravation because they get dumber with every episode. Any obvious mistake they can make are made just to drive the plot, and by plot I mean two ugly space pirates that keep popping up like jack-in-the-box even though they should have been a one episode threat at most.

The script recyle some plot and scenes from EFJ but lack any follow up or excitement that came with those plots in the first place. It also seems like the person who wrote the script got amnesia halfway through and mixed up the character traits, as Gerar is now the samt one, Michael is dumb and cranky, Kumi have lost all smarts and been reduced to some hompie-hopper between the guys for no reason. Anna had the wits to leave in the first few episodes, and the angst filled but clever Kingston is replaced with the stupid and annoying Abe. We then also get the addition of Zac, another stupid and annoying character and whenever she and Abe are on screen you can just skip forward because their entire arc from dialogue to actions is plain dumb and doesn't do anything for the show.

Whilst the prequel series EFJ was well written with great character development and intervened stories and plots, this was just... a full on terrible mess. All characters become ne dimensional, with no depth, drive or motivation. We get no background to any of the new characters and nothing explaining any of their reasoning to any of their dumb actions or behaviour.

To the terrible plot we also have cheap CGI, bad editing and nauseating inducing camerawork with shaky cam and shoddy angles. Making this whole thing play out as a youtube video aimed a 5 year olds.

Whilst the prequel had a happy ending with everyone safe and good friends, this leaves the group fractured and scattered over the milky way. A truly terrible series and an even more terrible sequel to a good show. If you are a fan of the original series, stay clear of this one. And honestly, even if you haven't seen the prequel series stay clear of this one. It's not worth your time.