Contagion 2009

This movie spent a lot of time trying to explain an incomprehensible plot. They try to just have a bunch of stuff happening instead of having an interesting story. There's at least 35 minutes with no dialogue and trust me, those minutes don't have any action either. The editing was terrible too. In one scene Piper and the woman are walking down the street talking and they go past the same neon sign a dozen times. When they stop, the camera keeps switching angles and that sign is always in the shot. Their vision of what 2009 would be like was very bizarre. There was technology that could literally do anything but America was a 3rd world mess that was mainly populated by fans of The Exploited. To top it off, they couldn't have had a less attractive female lead. This for fans of Piper and bad movies only.

Picture a bleached out, acid washed dime-store version of Blade Runner on a shoestring, bargain budget and you'll have some notion of Sci Fighters, a silly futuristic flick starring lovable wrestler 'Rowdy' Roddy Piper and B Movie stock villain Billy Drago. By most standards it's a miserable little exercise in schlock, but if that's your thing to begin with, it's a pearl. So it's set in 2009, and the film was made in 96', which going by a combination of the math and the severely bleak atmosphere, the filmmakers didn't even stretch their timeline barely past twenty years from their date, showing either amusing carelessness in writing or even more amusing cynicism for where we're headed, and how fast. The setting is Boston, and it's a goddamn slum, with perpetually overcast skies, garbage heaps everywhere and a general sense that people have given up. Piper is Grayson, a hard boiled detective on the trail of a somewhat unusual killer. Far above earth in a filthy off-world prison on the moon, criminal Dunn (Drago) has encountered some weird alien parasite which hijacks his gaunt frame and torpedos back stateside to start a murder spree. Drago vs Piper in a sad-sack, disease ridden Boston is pretty much the suitable logline, and it's not half bad. Piper makes a more grounded leading man than the film deserves, while Drago is straight up certifiable (nothing new) especially when the extraterrestrial, who has a garbled and endearing speech impediment, is controlling him. Effort is put into the atmosphere to some degree, but I feel like the success in achieving mood was probably also by accident of just leaving shit lying around set. A true peculiarity, worth it only for fans of the two actors and schlock-hounds alike.

Cops that shoot like the a-team. bad guy monsters that can't be killed and exhale methane. Probably some good movie in there somewhere if you can sleep through the boring bits.

This wouldn't have been a bad movie if they had a script doctor go over the dialog a bit.

Essentially, the world has undergone a nuclear winter, and a convict escapes a lunar prison after being infected by an alien life form designed to convert the world over to methane, and does so by raping women and infecting them with alien-crabs. Or something. Roddy Piper plays a cop who put the convict away, and Jane Heitmeyer plays the hottie doctor trying to find a cure.

Pretty much, that's all the plot you need to hang the action sequences on. Piper gets into some fights, there are explosions, cheap special effects and some nude scenes. I'm sure this film was made on the cheap, but they got a lot out of a cheap budget.

You'd think that a film like this would really suck, but to be honest, it's really pretty good. Billy Drago is terrific in this role, and has a lot of presence. Roddy Piper is fine. The rest of the cast is made up of homegrown talent from here in Montreal.

There's nothing terrible about the film, and nothing magnificent either. Sets look fake, acting is fine, script is a tad weak, but overall this film really delivers on action.

6.5/10