Santa Claws

What Blood Shack was to Ray Dennis Steckler, Santa Claws is to a collective best refered to as "the makers of Night of the Living Dead, whose names weren't George A Romero". Its insultingly bad as an actual movie, but exerts a morbid curiosity as a kind of pseudo-documentary on the lives of those involved. If you want to see Night of the Living Dead actors decades after their brush with fame, Santa Claws trots out Marilyn Eastman, Karl Hardman, Bill Hinzman and John Russo, in scenes that look like they were shot in their own Pittsburgh homes and places of work. The younger cast is represented by lots of wannabe scream queens, and John Mowod, the male lead from Hinzman's Flesh Eater/Zombie Nosh. Mowod is chiefly memorable for his resemblance to both Paul McCartney and Sylvester Stallone, and should have probably sought out a career as a celebrity impersonator rather than an actor. Its all basically an excuse to publicize 'Scream Queens Illustrated' Russo's horror themed T&A mag that promoted the boobs, bums and careers of various Scream Queen actresses of the time. Santa Claws is mainly set at the Scream Queens Illustrated offices, where you get to see Hinzman and Hardman at their day jobs, shooting jerk off material for the magazine. Natch' the setting also allows for lingering shots of various Scream Queens Illustrated and Night of the Living Dead merchandise.

Occasionally Santa Claws remembers it is meant to be a horror film, and begrudgingly tears itself away from the T&A and self-promotion, in favour of focusing on a lackluster killer dressed in a Santa outfit who murders various secondary characters at the Scream Queens offices with a gardening fork. Barely anyone appears concerned by how sleazy and third rate they are portraying themselves as. The only possible exception being Scream Queen Debbie Rochon, whose role has the feel of a good publicity exercise. Not only is Rochon's character, Raven Quinn, portrayed as a scream queen with a heart of gold, but she is also a single mother whose life is being made a misery by her scumbag ex-husband (played by the Macca/Rambo lookalike) yet always makes herself available to even the most 'needy' of her fans. A credibility straining aspect to the film that also provides its biggest laugh. If you thought the Caroline Munro/Joe Spinell romance in Maniac was a little hard to swallow, here Rochon's character not only lets an unkempt, obviously obsessed, anti-social weirdo into her private life, but lets him babysit her kids as well !!!

I have to admit that this flick is pretty terrible and the only reason to watch it would be if you are a fan of Debbie Rochon. The reasons that this movie is so terrible is you have a very unintimidating and laughable killer. Here's a line from him. "I'm not Wayne, I'm Santa Claus!", then you have very unattractive women save Debbie Rochon dancing horribly to bland stripper music, very little gore, and bad sound dubbing. But there are a few good sides to this flick. It's cheesy, Debbie Rochon, more Debbie Rochon, more, and more Debbie Rochon, and John Russo in a badly acted cameo. What more could you want. For a badly acted, cheese fest, I give it a 5. For just an all around terrible horror flick, I give it a 3! But get it anyways to see Debbie Rochon in an early role!

I recently watched Santa Claws (1996) on Tubi. The storyline revolves around a horror scream queen and soft porn star navigating a divorce while juggling the challenges of parenting and work. With support from her neighbor, who harbors a crush on her, she embarks on a new chapter, all the while hoping to mend things with her ex. As the plot unfolds, mysterious deaths occur both at home and work, adding an unexpected twist to the life of our scream queen.

The film, written and directed by John Russo (Midnight), features performances by Debbie Rochon (Slime City Massacre), John Mowod (FleshEater), Marilyn Eastman (Night of the Living Dead), and Karl Hardman (Night of the Living Dead).

Despite a promising premise, Santa Claws suffers from weak acting, subpar dialogue, poorly constructed sets, and a mediocre soundtrack. The film includes numerous sex scenes featuring women with "enhancements," adding a redeeming element. While the female cast are gorgeous, the kill scenes lack quality, though they offer occasional humor. Notably, the killer's interactions with a sex doll resembling the main character provide amusement and kept my attention.

In conclusion, Santa Claws is a flawed blend of slasher and soft porn genres that may appeal to those seeking such a combination. With bad acting and dialogue, along with inconsistent production quality, I would give it a 3/10. However, if you have specific expectations for a mix of slasher and soft porn, it might be worth your time.

I had pretty low expectations for this. On paper this seems like a typical cheap B-grade slasher-horror film. In reality it's even worse.

It is cheap and a slasher-horror but calling it B-grade would be flattery. The plot is very basic and what there is doesn't make much sense. Production values are incredibly poor. Direction is woeful: some of the scenes seem more like a slapstick comedy than a drama.

Dialogue is laughable and, allied with this, performances are poor. Worst of all is the guy who plays the slasher-murderer. So bad you'd think it is a comedy.

Nothing positive at all about this movie except than it is quite short (83 minutes) so at least the pain of watching this is over quickly.

"Santa Claws" is a horrible movie in just about every sense of the word. It's so bad one can't even laugh at the terrible dialogue, script, plot or acting. Director John Russo, famouse as the co-writer of "Night of the Living Dead" and Writer/Director of the emmensely entertaining and suspenseful "Midnight" has cobbled together a sad and poorly conceived story as an excuse to see silocone enhanced bimbos dance (Poorly) to generic stripper music. Not even the presense of the lovely and always entertaining Debbie Rochon, a major hottie if evver there was one, can save this dog from the pound. "Santa Claws" was obviously a promotional device for the even lower budget and less entertaining "Scream Queens Nude Christmas" (Although Christine Calveliere and Debbie Rochon in all their naked glory, even if they do look terribly embarrassed and annoyed do raise that video by a half point!)