Carnosaur 3

Here in England, we've not had the pleasure of seeing Carnosaur 1+2 and the film is just titled "Primal Species". Without the precedent of such un-doubtedly classic prequels, I had no idea what the film would be like (except for some guesswork based on the video cover).

Nothing much needs to be said about the film except that it is one of the worst of the worst of the worst films ever. Not that that's a huge criticism. It's extremely entertaining. To be honest the sight of those men in rubber dinosaur costumes was funnier than many proper comedies. Equally funny is the swat team leader's constant smirk and attempts to sound hard. The main death's were enjoyable too, firstly because the sight of fake monsters chewing on people is funny, and secondly because it meant that another annoying character had been wiped out.

For an alternative night's entertainment, I would recommend this in a double-bill with something like Demolition University. You'll laugh till you ache or simply fall asleep. Either way, you'll be happy.

This is one of the most hilariously bad movies I have ever had the privilege to see.

I watched this on DVD with a bunch of friends one Friday night and we just couldn't stop laughing from start to finish.

The story is simple enough: terrorists hijack a convoy they think is carrying weapons grade uranium, but it's actually carrying a bunch of man-eating dinosaurs. Easy mistake to make. Cue a startlingly incompetent team of Army Special Forces to tackle the prehistoric beasts. They are led by Colonel Rance, played by Scott Valentine; a man who seems to have perfected 'Smell the fart' acting, as advocated by Joey in Friends.

There's plenty of gore and an awful lot of shooting, but unfortunately Rance's team seem to have a problem aiming their weapons in the general direction of a horde of giant, lumbering monsters. Also, the lights always seem to flicker and go out whenever a Velociraptor attacks (preumably so we can't see how bad the creature effects are).

Having said all that, we all had a great deal of fun betting on who was going to get their head bitten off next.

As a Jusassic Park / Aliens style action adventure this movie stinks worse than a dinosaur's crotch, but as ludicrous, tongue-in-cheek entertainment it's a roaring success.

What makes the Carnosaur so frightening is that it kills for the sake of killing. The army kills and destroys for national security. The terrorists kill for their own personal benefit. But the Carnosaur... it just kills! If the carnosaurs killed exclusively for dietary purposes (i.e. they were hungry, they didn't get enough protein/calcium/fat/B-vitamins), they wouldn't necessarily eat humans. The scene in Carnosaur 3, in which the soldiers bait the dinosaur with non- human meat and the Carnosaur instinctively attacks the humans exemplifies how Carnosaurs do not follow their stomachs. If the Carno were hungry, it would have just went for the leg of ham (or whatever the hell the soldiers used for bait), but instead it went for the far inferior human meat. They are called Carnosaurs not because they eat meat, but because they are far different from the reptiles that walked the earth eons ago. They are much more unscrupulous, depraved, stealthy, sexy and cunning than the large clumsy animals seen in Jurassic Park. The Carnosaur is the chthonic species of what we refer to as Dinosaur. Beware their wrath.

My friend and I have this gag going on that we each buy horrible DVDs for eachothers birthday. Well, this was my present. We watched it together and could not stop laughing at the terrible acting. It even came to the point where we had to rewind and repeat a portion of the movie when the terrorist(whatever?) is in the back of the cop car and the cop calms him down by pointing a finger at him and scolds him telling him to stay calm and wait there. You must see the scene to realize the pathetic atempt at any sort of story. The dinosaurs appear to be on wheeled carts. The filmwork is absolutely pathetic and to a point funny. Adding special effects for no reason other than the movie is horrible. IT was quite a gag gift... but don't ever rent this with the expectations of seeing something that won't make you laugh.

The entire Carnosaurs-series often gets made fun of but in all truth and honesty, they are somewhat enjoyable for what they are and not all that bad at all, with the exception of the first movie.

The thing that I particularly like about the series is that none of the movies are related and each movie is basically a new story, with different characters and settings. It makes the series incredibly differs and makes each movie feel new and fresh. It also totally isn't necessary to watch the previous two movies, before you watch this one. Every one of them can be watched independently from each other.

But no, don't worry, I'm not completely crazy. Of course this is not a great movie by any means but it at least is fun and also very self aware. Thing with this movie and all of the previous ones as well, is that it knows that its bad. Especially also the actors seem to be very well aware of this. Because of this, the movie never gets awkward but simply enjoyable to watch instead.

Now, the whole idea of the movie itself is quite stretched out however. The characters for the longest time are very busy with a whole bunch of stuff, expect for trying to find and kill the dinosaur. The movie too often really isn't going anywhere with its story, or any of its characters. Still, this doesn't make the movie annoying or anything. Just a tad bit ridicules but it strangely enough adds to the movie its entertainment value at the same time.

The action and killings are being somewhat disappointing but then again, I wasn't expecting too much from it anyway. After all, the entire series isn't exactly known for its creativity and originality.

It's watchable enough as a B-movie flick but it of course is far from being a great movie as well!

4/10

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