Carnosaur 3

This is one of the most hilariously bad movies I have ever had the privilege to see.

I watched this on DVD with a bunch of friends one Friday night and we just couldn't stop laughing from start to finish.

The story is simple enough: terrorists hijack a convoy they think is carrying weapons grade uranium, but it's actually carrying a bunch of man-eating dinosaurs. Easy mistake to make. Cue a startlingly incompetent team of Army Special Forces to tackle the prehistoric beasts. They are led by Colonel Rance, played by Scott Valentine; a man who seems to have perfected 'Smell the fart' acting, as advocated by Joey in Friends.

There's plenty of gore and an awful lot of shooting, but unfortunately Rance's team seem to have a problem aiming their weapons in the general direction of a horde of giant, lumbering monsters. Also, the lights always seem to flicker and go out whenever a Velociraptor attacks (preumably so we can't see how bad the creature effects are).

Having said all that, we all had a great deal of fun betting on who was going to get their head bitten off next.

As a Jusassic Park / Aliens style action adventure this movie stinks worse than a dinosaur's crotch, but as ludicrous, tongue-in-cheek entertainment it's a roaring success.

Here in England, we've not had the pleasure of seeing Carnosaur 1+2 and the film is just titled "Primal Species". Without the precedent of such un-doubtedly classic prequels, I had no idea what the film would be like (except for some guesswork based on the video cover).

Nothing much needs to be said about the film except that it is one of the worst of the worst of the worst films ever. Not that that's a huge criticism. It's extremely entertaining. To be honest the sight of those men in rubber dinosaur costumes was funnier than many proper comedies. Equally funny is the swat team leader's constant smirk and attempts to sound hard. The main death's were enjoyable too, firstly because the sight of fake monsters chewing on people is funny, and secondly because it meant that another annoying character had been wiped out.

For an alternative night's entertainment, I would recommend this in a double-bill with something like Demolition University. You'll laugh till you ache or simply fall asleep. Either way, you'll be happy.

My friend and I have this gag going on that we each buy horrible DVDs for eachothers birthday. Well, this was my present. We watched it together and could not stop laughing at the terrible acting. It even came to the point where we had to rewind and repeat a portion of the movie when the terrorist(whatever?) is in the back of the cop car and the cop calms him down by pointing a finger at him and scolds him telling him to stay calm and wait there. You must see the scene to realize the pathetic atempt at any sort of story. The dinosaurs appear to be on wheeled carts. The filmwork is absolutely pathetic and to a point funny. Adding special effects for no reason other than the movie is horrible. IT was quite a gag gift... but don't ever rent this with the expectations of seeing something that won't make you laugh.

Primal Species (1996, Dir. Jonathan Winfrey)

International terrorists get a surprise when their cargo turn out to contain living dinosaurs. The army commando team now have to think fast, if they want to prevent the extinction of the human species, instead of the reptiles.

You look at the cover and you gain your first impressions of the film. That is pretty much it. The acting is only just acceptable from a few characters. The story is poor, with the whole film based on the army and the marines trying to kill the dinosaurs. This film came out three years after 'Jurassic Park'. Instead, this film looks to have come out 13 years before 'Jurassic Park'. The dinosaurs costumes are so poorly made, and i do mean costumes. There are obviously people dressed up, and this film makes no attempts at hiding this. A scene when a dinosaur runs down a corridor is created in a way, in which it looks like someone is riding the creature. The is one good thing, which comes out of this film. The short running time. At only 1 hour and 15 minutes, it doesn't waste too much of your life, but still try to avoid it altogether.

"It's like a Friday the 13th Nightmare." - Officer (Brian Currie)

Well here I go with another B industry movie. It's sad enough to see some badly made films but I don't care if a B industry or C industry produces the film. Show some effort in your work. The characters are really bad. The acting isn't in question in this one (surprise), but plot is. How can a tight-knit squad witness two of their fellow soldiers butchered, and then go on as if nothing happened. What sickened me was how the writer even threw in the remaining members a scene where they joke about how nice the doctor's ass was. Give me a break.