Virtual Desire

"Virtual Desire" (which I saw under the title "Illicit Dreams 3") wants to be an erotic murder mystery. Unfortunately, the sex/stripping/shower scenes, though plentiful and fairly graphic, have a mechanical, going-through-the-motions, Playboy-video feel to them, and the solution to the "mystery" is obvious right from the start. The "hero" is a jerk as well as a moron, cheating on his wife with multiple women, none of whom are half as hot as her (with the possible exception of an Asian tennis instructor who is a real babe). Oh, and don't be fooled by Julie Strain being featured on the video/DVD cover of the movie, she's in it for no more than 10 minutes. (*)

The auteur Wynorski's pro-feminist stance is highly apparent in this film. The women cast members, in several instances, take the dominant position and sometimes come on top in certain situations. Overall, the cinematography gets rave reviews from us at the Eye Candy Hall of Fame, but we do have a problem with a specific plot point: why would anyone married to someone who looks like Tammy Parks want to cheat on her? Even her character had no dislikable qualities to promote straying. Unless, like her film husband, we would meet through the internet women who resembled Julie Strain, Gail Harris, Taylor St. Clair, Lorissa McComas, or especially Annette Burger. To paraphrase the old adage that it takes money to make money: to meet gorgeous chicks on the internet you must already be involved with one. This validates our apparent failure to find any desirable (or even to some degree undesirable) mates on the web. Thank you auteur Wynorski for your message.

Well the plot you will have sussed out after a few minutes but that's not why you're watching is it... As for the erotica, well the first half has mostly fake boobs so you can hit the fast forward button or switch channels for an hour until the second half with the very attractive Gail Harris, Catherine Weber, Taylor St. Clair (who I think was credited as Kimberly Knight actually) and Shauna McCullough. It's not as hot as Illegal in Blue was (the SEXIEST movie of all time) but not bad I guess. Gail Harris and her Yorkshire accent, delicious eyebrows and voluptuous Page 3 body is well, incredible!

Although I got the edited version of this movie, I saw the scenes in Masseuse 3. Both movie has the same director and I guess he wanted to make an easy buck. Anyway, the highlight is the skin. The hottest chick in this movie is Annette Burger. It is too bad that I can't find anything else with her in it. The other women have some nice assets though and keep my mind occupied while Annette stays lingering in a special corner. For instance, there's Taylor St. Clair. She is such a cutie. I can look at her face all day. Gail Harris has the weirdest accent, but man does she have jugs. And, of course Shanna McCullough. Her scene on the water was hot!!! She has the best legs going. All the other girls were hot too.

The story was much better in Virtual Desire than in Masseuse 3. I enjoyed the comedy by the two cops. I however thought the dramatic part was pretty lame. It was hard to say though, because of all the sex was going on while there was drama.

See the movie for Annette, stay for the rest of the girls.

I don't remember HOW I found this, probably a shout-out on some social media app where someone asked for TnA movies. But I do remember WHY I watched it. And that is because of this very enthusiastic review from Amazon that I'm sharing right here: Metal Pete 5.0 out of 5 stars The best T&A flick ever It's perfect. There is so much quality t&a in this thing it re-defines all t&a flicks. But make sure you get the unrated version. As some disappointed viewers lamented, the R-rated one skimps on some very good stuff.

Beautiful girls constantly getting nude and doing this guy Brad. It's almost too much for one movie. Wall to wall nudity, the best softcore flick I have ever seen, period.

Clearly this Metal Pete guy would award one or more Oscars to this movie if he could, after all, it is "The best T&A flick ever". Now that might be. But the very next review is from a much more critical guy named Jared. I am not sure if this is Subway Jared or not. If it is, then I suspect that some of his dismay towards the film may have to do with the ages of the actresses. But here is what Mr. Jared has to say: Jared 1.0 out of 5 stars don't bother This is not as good as the other reviewers here on amazon make it out to be. Almost every aspect of it is poor. I wont mention the plot because there isn't one. Its just some guy goofing around on a very old computer with some very bad sex scences inter cut beween shots of him typing in a stupidly large font size. Don't bother with this!

So the question is, who do we trust? The guy who passes Oscars out like candy? Or the dude who hates people "typing in a stupidly large font size"? (I'm not happy with IMDb at ALL right now, because I typed that last part in a stupidly large font size that they didn't render for me. Thus ruining a quality grade A joke.) Anyway, I say, we need to get these two together and let them fight to the death in a cage match we market as pay per view on Only Fans. That's what I say! Winner gets a $5 Del Taco gift card and the rated R version of "Virtual Desire".

But don't worry, I found the uncensored version for you!