Virtual Desire

Makers of late night pay cable erotic thrillers take note: there are about ten thousand mystery novels out that have never been filmed and that you could option cheap to provide you with a plot to string your soft-core bumpings and grindings around. The results would be much less brain damaging to your audience. Honestly, we expect bad dialogue, casting couch 'actresses' and production design limited to shooting most of the movie in a rented furnished house or office, but could we at least get a properly worked out murder mystery? This is a typical example of the genre: half a dozen or so nude sex sequences shown mostly in flashback with one of the women getting killed and a murder mystery results. The details here: beautiful wife dies, cheating husband suffers a belated attack of conscience and decides to bother to care who killed her. The suspect list includes a half dozen or so women he met on-line. The plot unfolds lazily and in in seemingly random chunks, and mostly involves the dumb detective (this guy would last about ten seconds on CSI: NY) uncovering not very much and the husband recalling the details of his cheating sex life and then having more sex. The killer is revealed ten minutes from the end and the cast members could have drawn straws to decide who got to do the I-did-it-and-I'd-do-it-again speech, that was how much thought process went behind constructing and unraveling the mystery. Sheesh.

Well the plot you will have sussed out after a few minutes but that's not why you're watching is it... As for the erotica, well the first half has mostly fake boobs so you can hit the fast forward button or switch channels for an hour until the second half with the very attractive Gail Harris, Catherine Weber, Taylor St. Clair (who I think was credited as Kimberly Knight actually) and Shauna McCullough. It's not as hot as Illegal in Blue was (the SEXIEST movie of all time) but not bad I guess. Gail Harris and her Yorkshire accent, delicious eyebrows and voluptuous Page 3 body is well, incredible!

'Virtual Desire' is a bargain basement T&A flick from shlock masters Jim Wynorski & Fred Olen Ray. It follows their worn out formula of a murder mystery wrapped around copious amounts of sex, female nudity. The mere interesting point as a viewer was finding out the depths of cheap these men would go reusing sex or nude scenes found here in later titles.

Brad (Mike Meyer) is a hunky ex-pro baseball player cheating on wife Susan (Tammy Parks) when she's murdered. Det. Crank (Ross Hagen) thinks Brad is guilty, but can't be bothered to do any deep digging. That leaves the suspect to recall to himself, the police all the romps he's had with beautiful babes such as Sascha (Julie Strain) or Wendy (Gail Harris) amongst others and try to figure out which one is responsible.

I enjoyed muff, implied oral on the ladies. Models, ex-Penthouse Pets, familiar T&A faces for it's female buffet of nudity. Lorissa McComas, Annette Burger, Shanna McCullough, Taylor St. Clair, Peggy Trentini and of course the late, great Julie Strain. That doesn't change the story is boring. A test pattern complete with some rough acting and a dismal ending that seems almost tacked on at the last minute.

When you're distracted by elements you swore you've seen, heard before isn't good. Neither is a carbon copy plot, recycled music tracks or awful dialog. If you're willing to suffer or use the FF button, 'Virtual Desire' has a heavy dose of the softcore you're craving in flashbacks, dream sequences, but a lousy wrapper contains it.

Although I got the edited version of this movie, I saw the scenes in Masseuse 3. Both movie has the same director and I guess he wanted to make an easy buck. Anyway, the highlight is the skin. The hottest chick in this movie is Annette Burger. It is too bad that I can't find anything else with her in it. The other women have some nice assets though and keep my mind occupied while Annette stays lingering in a special corner. For instance, there's Taylor St. Clair. She is such a cutie. I can look at her face all day. Gail Harris has the weirdest accent, but man does she have jugs. And, of course Shanna McCullough. Her scene on the water was hot!!! She has the best legs going. All the other girls were hot too.

The story was much better in Virtual Desire than in Masseuse 3. I enjoyed the comedy by the two cops. I however thought the dramatic part was pretty lame. It was hard to say though, because of all the sex was going on while there was drama.

See the movie for Annette, stay for the rest of the girls.

The auteur Wynorski's pro-feminist stance is highly apparent in this film. The women cast members, in several instances, take the dominant position and sometimes come on top in certain situations. Overall, the cinematography gets rave reviews from us at the Eye Candy Hall of Fame, but we do have a problem with a specific plot point: why would anyone married to someone who looks like Tammy Parks want to cheat on her? Even her character had no dislikable qualities to promote straying. Unless, like her film husband, we would meet through the internet women who resembled Julie Strain, Gail Harris, Taylor St. Clair, Lorissa McComas, or especially Annette Burger. To paraphrase the old adage that it takes money to make money: to meet gorgeous chicks on the internet you must already be involved with one. This validates our apparent failure to find any desirable (or even to some degree undesirable) mates on the web. Thank you auteur Wynorski for your message.