Timemaster

Director James Glickenhaus' swan song Timemaster is the kind of story you have seen a million times. You know (takes in deep breath) where interdimensional aliens steal people from parallel universes in order to make them compete in a virtual world death games where people gamble on the matches with their lifeforce that is a blue liquid and this poor kid (Glickenhaus' son Jesse) was orphaned after his parents (Joanna Pacula and Duncan Regehr) were stolen in a post-nuke 2007 America, so with the help of a sympathetic alien (Pat Mortita!) he goes bouncing from world to world to find his mom and dad until he meets the main bad guy (Michael Dorn) and challenges him in a virtual ski race to free his parents, but also wants to stop the nuclear war in his timeline that was set off accidentally in the White House kitchen while saving his sister from growing up to be a biker babe in an alternate timeline. Got all that?

Seriously, what the hell did I just watch? Glickenhaus went out with a bang in terms of production values, but his screenplay is literally all over the place. Lots of famous cult faces show up including Irwin Keyes, Zelda Rubinstein, and "Mean" Gene Okerlund and Bobby "The Brain" Heenan (as the announcers of the virtual combat event). It is also one of the first films of Michelle Williams, who plays the love interest of the lead kid. True to his action roots, Glickenhaus does at least pepper in some amazing cliff jumps in the ski sequence. After this film, he left the movie industry to jump into the much more stable world of high-end race car construction.

Tried watching this movie at a bad movie night recently, as we were all excited by the brief synopsis provided on IMDB. Ordered a VHS off of Amazon, converted to digital, and watched online with my family (social distancing). Started fine, light action, cuts to sci-fi battle arena, and Michael Dorn makes a speech. I legit have no idea how to explain the movie after this. The poorly explained plot would make this movie interesting/easy to make fun of, but most of the scenes on their own are just so dull. Idk, if you're drinking with some friends and want to talk over something while occasionally making fun of the bad special effects, go for it. Otherwise, do not watch this movie.

Here's the plot (as far as I could tell) -- There is an advanced race of Aliens who have mastered time travel. The only use for this these aliens can come up with is apparently for a game. They travel to various planets and use its populous as pawns in a sort of futuristic game show. They eventually suck the life force out of the planet and turn it into a blue liquid that grants them eternal life. (I think)

Pat Morita is a part of this alien race that for some reason forms a bond with this boy. (The reason for this is never made clear). This boy somehow realizes whats going on and with the help of Pat Morita sets off on a serious of adventures. (This part doesn't make much sense either). Apparently the end of the game on planet earth will end up in a nuclear war in 2006, so stopping this eventually becomes the focus of the plot. (Sorta)

Oh, for some reason the boys parents are involved in every 'game' throughout history. I think they're alive, but maybe they're dead.. I'm sorry, this doesn't make any more sense when trying to relate it. This movie literally makes NO sense. The basic premise is pretty neat in theory.. but its like watching every other chapter of a story driven series. At no point do you really understand whats going on. Its all just a mess of scenes linked together with some sort of time travel/alien game gimmick. I'd highly recommend avoiding this at all costs unless you're in need of 90 minutes of pure confusion.

What were they thinking ?

Timemaster isn't the best movie out there by a long shot, but it does have it's moments. The film is a good one to watch on a quiet evening or rainy afternoon. I don't know how available it is to rent, but the Sci-Fi Channel shows it occasionally. If it's on, watch it. It's certainly much better than a lot of other films that could be named.

This movie blows the big one! There are no redeeming qualities to be found in Timemaster. It takes a real bunch of losers to take a cool idea like time travel and transform it into what we see here. Einstein must be rolling around in his grave! How dare they quote him in this piece of garbage! Timemaster isn't a good children's movie, either. Garbage is garbage. I wouldn't show this filth to my children. So boring it hurts! 1 out of 10.