Virgin High

OK, it's got Linnea Quigley in it, and Richard Gabai directed it, so it has to be a T&A movie, and it is. For the most part it's a pretty dull one at that. From the start of the movie to the point that Burt Ward get a holy whatever in is masterfully done. From there until the very end of the movie, when what little plot there is comes to a climax, and Burt Ward gets another good one-liner in, it's pretty dull. On the plus side Traci Dali is drop dead gorgeous, so the scenes she's in are watchable even if the movie is lame. The first five minutes are so funny, I would recommend that any fan of "bad" movies should rent this. It would be worth the rental fee to watch just that much and return it.

Richard Gabai has carved a unique niche in the B-movie industry. He not only is a regular player in various films – he is a director himself of a handful of DTV features. (Note: the foreknowledge that his mentors/frequent collaborators as an actor are Jim Wynorski, Fred Olen Ray, and David Decoteau helped prepare me for what to expect from one of his own films.)

"Virgin High" is a typical shoestring budget sex comedy, which I'm fairly sure was aired frequently on USA 'Up All Night' in the 90s. I may have even seen some of this film a decade ago, but even now after watching it in its entirety, am unable to pick it out from the homogenous mix of films shown so long ago. The plot concerns a sex-starved teenager (Gabai) trying to gain access to the all-girls school his squeeze has been banished to by her father (Burt Ward). He enlists his dopey friends to (supposedly) help him, his girlfriend must deal with the dorm R.A. (Quigley), and all hilarity ensues.

If you're a fan of Linnea Quigley, then perhaps it's worth watching. She is in much of the movie, including (you guessed it) a few goofy nude scenes where she has phony orgasms during one-sided sex with the school's security guard. Though the reason I watched this movie was for Michelle Bauer's role, which was disappointing. Bauer is in only one short scene that looks like it was written in only because they were able to get Bauer for a day. Burt Ward's role is done mainly for kitsch value; most of his scenes he is either playing with action figures of comic book heroes including (again, you guessed it) a Batman figure, or he is being beset by his S&M dom wife, eventually hitting the ultimate low of being caught wearing a shirt saying "Sex Cowboy" at the finale. A sad state to see one of my childhood influences in.

My review was written in January 1991 after watching the film on RCA/Columbia video cassette.

"Virgin High" is uneven but boasts better wrting than most teen sex comedies. Highjinks in a Catholic girls school is familiar territory for video fans.

Linnea Quigley still is surprisingly convincing as by now the oldest living high school student, terrorizing her classmate at Academy of the Blessed Virgin.

Beautiful newcomer Traci Dali is sent there as punishment by her dad Burt Ward (erstwhile Robin on the "Batman" tv series). Her old boyfriend Rcihard Gabai (who also directed) arranges to invade the school disguised as a young priest, precipitating most of the mayhem.

Pic fails as a spoof of Catholic folkways, but Jeff Neill's screenplay includes some witty and fresh material. B-movie regular Michelle Bauer has a disappointing cameo as a substitute teacher, billed with her alternate moniker "Michelle McClellan".

Pic's pace sags a bit in the final reel thanks to an overextended formal dance climax.

I don't know what other folks see in this movie but it generally stinks. I found it to be a good sleep remedy if you don't have any sleeping pills available. Making fun of a religion, in this case Catholics, or any, is typically not amusing to say the least. I only watched it because of Burt Ward. Was curious to see how he acts post Batman. Himself as well as this film was a flop. I certainly do not recommend this trash to anyone.

Virgin High (obviously rented for the name alone) is one of the most ridiculous and retardedly horrible movies ever created. And that is why I gave it a 10! This movie was incredible easy to mock, and when you watch it with a bunch of friends the movie becomes really funny (although, I admit, the movie does manage to be funny on its own every half an hour). Assuming you don't watch this movie thinking it will be good, it will be good... kind of weird how that works out... Yeah, I also must admit that we watched it twice in a row, which tells you how awful/good it is! Next rental: Hot Under the Collar!