Shock 'Em Dead

How times have changed: back in the early 90s, I had an unhealthy obsession with horror, my Mega-Bass Walkman only played metal, and LA bad-girl Traci Lords was my pin-up of choice.

These days, I listen to my metal on an iPod!

If like me, you have a lifelong love of scary movies, get excited by the sound of a wailing guitar, and even more so by the sight of a certain impossibly pouty ex-porn star, then Shock 'Em Dead should prove to be be a suitably fun way to pass the time.

The luscious Traci Lords plays Lindsay Roberts, manager of rock band Spastic Colon, who are desperately in need of a good guitarist; when geeky pizza parlour employee Martin (Stephen Quadros) fails to impress the band with his widdling, he sells his soul to the devil in exchange for a cool new persona (he gives himself the name 'Angel'), godlike skills on a double-sided guitar (six strings are for pussies), incredible wealth, and a trio of sexy sluts to cater for his every whim. After another audition with the band, Martin gets the gig and rock-star status finally looks like it is in the bag; the only problem is, Martin must regularly feed on the life-force of others to remain alive...

A heavy rock reworking of Faust, the plot for Shock 'Em Dead isn't exactly original stuff, but although it's an oft told tale, the film still succeeds thanks to director Mark Freed's good natured, tongue-in-cheek approach to proceedings, which wisely opts to ladle on the cheese (indeed, in one scene in the pizza establishment, a whole bowlful of the stuff gets overturned) rather than to try and go for genuine scares.

During the course of the film we get some very silly rock songs (the kind of thing you might hear from parody metal band Steel Panther), plenty of boobies, some silly comedy, a few dodgy special effects (green glowing eyes and shonky transitions achieved through slow fades), and some knowingly bad performances from its game cast (which includes 50s hunk Troy Donahue, and genre regular Aldo Ray).

I give this daft slice of B-movie nonsense a very reasonable rating of 6.5/10 for being so delightfully absurd, but refuse to round it up to 7, as I would normally do, due to the complete lack of skin from Ms. Lords (she made this film only four years after giving up porn; I expected more).

I'm surprised this movie doesn't have a higher rating than it does. Horror movies about heavy metal bands are always stupid, but this one kept me entertained the whole way through. Unlike other movies like Black Roses or Hard Rock Zombies, this one was actually funny and pretty well made. Definately a good movie.

The delectable Traci Lords stars in this tatty and at times crude, but rather amusing heavy metal rock comic b-grade shot-on-video horror item. Even with its minor budget, there's so much enthusiasm and creativity streaming through it that I found it hard to dislike. It's campy, but its tongue-in-cheek script and animated performances play it that way. Silly and Juvenile, but continuously engaging. Martin is a gawky nobody, until he pays a visit to a mysterious voodoo lady who offers him the chance to live his dream of being the greatest ever rock star with everything that he could want in exchange for his soul. It's a dream come true. No more Martin, but here's Angel Martin. However it comes at a catch when he finds out he must kill and suck out the life of others to survive. Here come the glowing green eyes.

It's the usual be careful what you wish for statement and someone longing for something that isn't meant to be, but in all it's agreeably pulled off. Director Mark Freed keeps it snappy and does well in its low end look from its dingy sets and cheaply absurd effects. It's illustratively resourceful with some enjoyably goofy sequences. Stephen Quadros brings energy and the right style to his characters Martin/Angel. Lords might be on the deadpan side, but that's more so her character's straight manner and it's a solid turn as the band's manager. The fun can be had by the three perky, but dangerous ladies by Angel's side; Gina Parks, Karen Russell and Laurel Wiley. They are there to fulfil *all* of his needs and of course numerous topless shots or to fit into skimpy outfits. There's also good spirited support by Tim Moffet, Markus Grupa, Christopher Maleki, Troy Donahue and Aldo Ray.

There are 2 quotes from this movie that crack me up. The first is when Angel Martin goes out at night to order some pizzas at his old job. He approaches the window and some timid sincere nerd asks very endearingly and politely, "can i help you?" Angel Martin responds "I WANT TO ORDER A FU--IN' PIZZA!!" The other quote is when Angel is having the down side of his deal with the devil explained to him in the kitchen. "ARE YOU GONNA TELL ME WHAT THE FU-- IS GOING ON!!" I don't know why I think these are funny. The name of the band is, get this, "Spastic Colon". The gay guy, Johnny, who just so happens to be a junkie, is pretty funny. The audition scene with some ridiculous looking red headed stoner is funny too. I think it's Michael Kopelow from "The Stoned Age" but i'm not sure. That movie is pretty funny too! For guitar players, there is some really good solos in Shock 'Em Dead. There is this one riff that plays several times during the film that is so good, I had to figure it out myself. Traci Lords doesn't show any skin, but there is some from the other actresses. Traci Lords boyfriend in the movie is a complete tool. His name should be Lance or Brad or Trent or something like that.

At first when I got this one I browsed through it briefly and put it back on my shelf. The super-low production values and crappy cast made me think it was going to be absolutely horrible.

When I finally viewed the movie it really put my expectations to shame. Yes, the production value is nothing to brag about, but the actors actually pull it off. Everyone is at least tolerable, and some can actually act a little bit. A lot of the acting works simply because the timing is alright.

This is true of the cutting and screenplay as well. The pacing is right there. No need to trim anything with the fast forward button. The story moves forward constantly with a great imaginative script full of well defined characters in good scenes. The scenery and cheesy rock'n'roll wardrobe and hairstyles are great as well. Most of the effects are crappy, but they are used well all the same. Some are up to the standards of a few years earlier, some to standards of many years back...

With a proper budget this would have been a big hit, for sure. The worst part of the movie is actually the misleading cover. Traci Lords is far from being the star of this one, there's at least three girls and a whole bunch of guys with more interesting roles, and the title has nothing to do with anything.

At the time of writing this movie has a rating of 3.8 on IMDb which is certainly lower than it deserves. I would have given it a 7 if the production and effects had been better. A job well done!