If you've ever driven up the I-5 from L.A. to San Francisco, you know how long, boring and unentertaining it is. Well, the very same thrills and expectations can be achieved by viewing the film NO TELLING. One major difference: the I-5 takes you somewhere, while this film goes absolutely nowhere. It centers around a scientist and his girlfriend escaping the city life for the serenity of the country. In this peaceful setting, he carries out mysterious experiments in the barn while she befriends the locals, including Alex Vine, an ecologist trying to help farmers with the dangers of pesticides. Her and Vine strike up a friendly yet non-physical relationship. Meanwhile, the mad scientist boyfriend becomes impatient with his corporate sponsor's lack of providing live specimens for study, so he decides to capture his own. I was beginning to think this was a political movie aiming to please animal rights activists, but it just didn't add up. As the film goes along, you wonder if you are on the I-5 and if an exit is in sight to release you from the boredom this film has produced. There are also these surreal scenes filmed with an odd camera filter, giving it a grainy super-8 look. Unfortunately, these scenes leave that dry taste in your mouth: What was that all about? Well, if you would like to watch a film that has no idea what it's trying to say and have a few dollars to burn, I suggest renting KRIPPENDORF'S TRIBE. If someone beat you to that beauty, then this is the film for you. On the Stevo cheese scale of Yanni to Carrot Top, Carrot Top being best, this film barely ranks a Kenny G.
