Robot Ninja

I bought this movie for six dollars at this place that smelled like green beans. I thought it'd be cool, because I adore both robots AND ninjas. I feel I enjoy them equally. Both are enriching, and make for splendid film components, be it sci-fi, drama, or what have you. May I state here that this horrid film contains neither a robot nor a ninja. It does not even feature a robot that happens to be a ninja, or vice-versa, as the title would seem to imply. Rather, it is about a comic-book artist who is angry that there is crime, and decides to dress up like a comic book guy and mutilate people in disgustingly low-budget ways. The lead character is by far the least likable character in the movie, which says a lot since many of the other characters are in fact rapists. None of the violence is at all realistic, or at least I hope it doesn't look that gross when you poke people's eyes out. Linnea Quigley and Burt Ward are both in it, for whatever reason. They must be astonishingly poverty-stricken. Anyway, you won't like this, and I'm sorry I purchased it. You should probably destroy any copies you are able to get your hands on. Please do so now.

Let's just make this clear: you might think a movie like Robot Ninja would be one of those transcendent B-movies that's good despite its non-existent budget, or that, failing that, it would be so bad and goofy that it would end up being hysterically funny and therefore a good time to be had by all.

But if you thought that, you'd be wrong. Dead wrong. Because watching the entirety of Robot Ninja will annihilate your very soul. I mean, I like camp as much as the next guy, but what I DON'T like is an hour and a half of pure torture, and there's simply no other way to describe this tenth circle of Hell. The only, only way I would ever recommend it is if you need to build up your tolerance for the worst movies of all time, so that you might be able to watch, say, Voodoo Academy without dying of lack-of-ambition poisoning, or Teenage Barbarians without succumbing to a fatal case of cultural shame. Other than that, stay far, far away.

In conclusion, Robot Ninja is the devil.

Make no mistake, this is a very bad movie. It is a rare gem that is so bad it will leave you aching with laughter. Its hard to imagine what the makers were thinking as they made it. I wonder what they thought once they saw the finished product. Did they laugh as much as I? Will you?

Even as a fan of really, really bad movies, this is too much. The Robot Ninja is neither a robot or a ninja. There's a lame Mike Meyers joke in there somewhere.

The movie couldn't have cost more than like $20, and honestly, my friend and some kids he knew in high school came up with a vastly superior film over the course of a summer in rural Massachusetts.Regardless, its worse than <i> Matrix Revolutions</i> but not so bad as <i> House of the Dead</i>.

1.5 out of 10.372 on the secret Calculando Calrissian scale. (That isn't good)

A friend rented this movie a few years ago are a party, and a few people ran to the bathroom to puke their guts out. This movie is basically low-budget violence for the sake of low-budget violence, done in an incredibly disturbing and violent way. Unlike other movies that disturb you and are thought-provoking, this just leaves you feeling cheap, dirty, and sick to your stomach. No good story, terrible acting, obviously no budget. This could have not even looked good on paper. If you take pleasure in seeing a man get his forearm stabbed repeatedly by a girl gang, only to have him stick a metal plate into the wound, this is the movie for you.