Rockula

L. A. in the late-'80s/early-'90s was a special place for music fans, with an alternative rock scene from which emerged some truly great bands. Rockula is set within this exciting world, yet somehow manages to be completely naff, its characters blind to all the cool things going on around them.

Singer Mona (Tawny Fere' Ellis) is a pop songstress who, incredibly, draws an appreciative crowd despite being a cut-rate Paula Abdul clone. Vampire Ralph (Dean Cameron) somehow makes being undead seem uncool, so it comes as little surprise that, when he decides to form a band, its utter garbage (but like Mona, he still manages to impress those who turn up to his shows). A musical with such lousy music should be virtually unwatchable, and yet Rockula is actually quite a lot of fun, the cast seemingly aware of its awfulness and just rolling with it.

Ralph takes on the rock 'n' roll persona of Rockula to attract the attention of Mona, the umpteenth reincarnation of his true love, who is always fated to die at the age of 22 by the hands of a pirate wielding a hambone. Ralph has the power to break the curse, but must pluck up the courage to woo the woman in order to do so. Mona, obviously tone-deaf judging by her own warbling, is impressed by Ralph's band (backing members including Bo Diddley and Susan Tyrell) and the pair begin a romance. However, Mona's jealous manager, Stanley (Thomas Dolby), is out to ruin things, aided by a mysterious fortune teller.

Numerous terrible musical numbers ensue, with some awful performances and diabolical comedy (I still don't understand why his reflection has a separate persona - or why a vampire has a reflection in the first place), but the breezy couldn't-give-a-monkey's attitude of the whole thing means that it's hard to hate on the film too much. It's worth a one-time watch just to see Toni 'Hey Mickey' Basil perform her solo song and dance routine (and I can't be alone in thinking that Basil with fangs is kinda hot).

5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for the black dwarf that shares a bath with Basil, the really bad rap song, and the weird bat creature that Ralph turns into. Would make a fun double bill with Voyage of the Rock Aliens.

Eh, I'll go with Rockula, though Rapula clearly knows good times when he sees it. Dean Cameron plays a young vampire trying to woo a local pop star so that he can break a 400 year old curse about a peg-legged pirate who wants to beat her with a hambone. Or something. What really matters here is that Toni Basil plays Rockula's vampy mom, Susan Tyrrell and Bo Diddly play his bandmates, and the music is highly amusing. Even though this was released in 1990, it has an 80s vibe through and through, complete with bad song and dance sequences and even a faux music video. Recommended to all fans of rock/horror hybrids, 80s schlock, and inimitable Dean Cameron.

I must say that this isn't a great work of art, but if you want something silly to laugh and say "Oh My God!" at, this is it! It's absolutely perfect for a bad movie night on Halloween. I bought it for $30 and I'm glad I did!

After producer Menahem Golan left Cannon Films, his cousin and former partner Yoram Globus struggled to keep the company alive, but awful efforts like "Rockula" doomed the company to eventually close its doors. It's a pretty cheap-looking affair, for starters, though I guess its look could have been more tacky by other filmmakers. A bigger problem with the movie is the script. There is not a lot of story here, in part due to the movie having important stuff happen offscreen or explained by characters in awkward exposition. Things are instead padded out by many musical numbers, but even if you have a love for popular music that came out around the time this movie was released (like myself), more likely than not you'll find the music in this movie to be absolutely terrible. The final stake to the heart is the fact that the vampire protagonist isn't sympathetic enough - you won't really care if he manages to lift the curse on himself or not. And his various acts in order to lift the curse, while supposed to be amusing, aren't the least bit funny. This is one of those movies where you can't help but wonder why nobody involved realized they were making a turkey.

In what has to be one of the dopiest vampire comedies of them all, Dean Cameron of "Summer School" fame stars as Ralph, a centuries old vampire who doesn't suck blood or shun the daylight or anything like that. He just doesn't die. But he's living with an additional curse: every 22 years, he loses the love of his life, Mona (the adorable Tawny Fere) to a pirate sporting a rhinestone-encrusted peg leg and wielding a hambone. Seriously. This time, he's determined to break the cycle instead of being idle. He has the help of people like Chuck (cult icon Susan Tyrrell, "Forbidden Zone"), the Axman (Bo Diddley), and a barfly (Kevin Hunter), while the death-obsessed creep Stanley (a priceless Thomas Dolby) tries to play Van Helsing.

You know with a cast like that - with another music star, Toni Basil, playing Ralphs' mom Phoebe - that this merits a viewing on that basis alone. The material is often unbelievably lame and stupid, yet at the same time it's so utterly goofy that it's hard to resist. It's often styled just like a musical, with people like Cameron, Basil, and Fere belting out numbers; and the songs can be dumb, but like the movie itself, they can be catchy and still inspire some amused chuckles. As a plot point, Ralph and his friends form a band that doesn't adhere to one style - first, they're "Rockula", then they're "Rapula". A recurring gag is to have Ralph play off a mirror image of himself (another cliche of vampire lore is dispensed with here) that regularly goads and mocks him.

Co-written and directed by Luca Bercovici ("Ghoulies"), whose brother Hilary composed the score, this does generate some good vibes, punched across by an enthusiastic cast. Cameron is a likeable hero, Fere a sexy and endearing leading lady, and Basil is a hoot as the mom. Other familiar faces like Tony Cox ("Bad Santa"), Rick Zumwalt ("Over the Top"), and Bill Brochtrup ('NYPD Blue') turn up, but it's a crying shame that Diddley doesn't get more interesting things to do.

All things considered, "Rockula" has enough quirks to qualify it for some sort of cult status.

Six out of 10.