Rockula

L. A. in the late-'80s/early-'90s was a special place for music fans, with an alternative rock scene from which emerged some truly great bands. Rockula is set within this exciting world, yet somehow manages to be completely naff, its characters blind to all the cool things going on around them.

Singer Mona (Tawny Fere' Ellis) is a pop songstress who, incredibly, draws an appreciative crowd despite being a cut-rate Paula Abdul clone. Vampire Ralph (Dean Cameron) somehow makes being undead seem uncool, so it comes as little surprise that, when he decides to form a band, its utter garbage (but like Mona, he still manages to impress those who turn up to his shows). A musical with such lousy music should be virtually unwatchable, and yet Rockula is actually quite a lot of fun, the cast seemingly aware of its awfulness and just rolling with it.

Ralph takes on the rock 'n' roll persona of Rockula to attract the attention of Mona, the umpteenth reincarnation of his true love, who is always fated to die at the age of 22 by the hands of a pirate wielding a hambone. Ralph has the power to break the curse, but must pluck up the courage to woo the woman in order to do so. Mona, obviously tone-deaf judging by her own warbling, is impressed by Ralph's band (backing members including Bo Diddley and Susan Tyrell) and the pair begin a romance. However, Mona's jealous manager, Stanley (Thomas Dolby), is out to ruin things, aided by a mysterious fortune teller.

Numerous terrible musical numbers ensue, with some awful performances and diabolical comedy (I still don't understand why his reflection has a separate persona - or why a vampire has a reflection in the first place), but the breezy couldn't-give-a-monkey's attitude of the whole thing means that it's hard to hate on the film too much. It's worth a one-time watch just to see Toni 'Hey Mickey' Basil perform her solo song and dance routine (and I can't be alone in thinking that Basil with fangs is kinda hot).

5.5/10, rounded up to 6 for the black dwarf that shares a bath with Basil, the really bad rap song, and the weird bat creature that Ralph turns into. Would make a fun double bill with Voyage of the Rock Aliens.

I must say that this isn't a great work of art, but if you want something silly to laugh and say "Oh My God!" at, this is it! It's absolutely perfect for a bad movie night on Halloween. I bought it for $30 and I'm glad I did!

From writer/director Luca Bercovici, the man behind "Ghoulies" and "The Granny," comes another oddball horror/comedy. Dean Cameron, best remembered from the underrated 80s teen comedy "Summer School" as Chainsaw, plays an ancient vampire cursed to watch his lady love be reborn and then killed again and again every hundred years. This curse happened after Cameron stood by and did nothing the first time she was killed. Now in modern day 1990, Cameron has determined this time around is his last chance to save her. In order to gain her trust, he decides he must first become a rock star (perfect sense, right?). Rockula is then born, becoming a wildly popular act, and he then goes on to battle with the forces of evil, which includes sleazy businessman (and real-life 80s rocker) Thomas "She Blinded Me With Science" Dolby. The story is dumb and predictable, but then again, what romcom isn't? The film is greatly helped by it's likable cast, which besides a solid performance from Cameron includes mostly a likable cast of unknowns who all do quite well, but also small supporting parts for Toni Basil, Bo Diddley, Susan Tyrell, and future musical choreographer and director Adam Shankman playing a driver. It also helps that watching the film now provides quite a bit of late 80s nostalgia, which always goes a long way for me. I'd probably have been harder on this film back in the day, but now it's 80s hair, music, and fashion are all quite entertaining in and of themselves. Overall, "Rockula" is far from being a classic 80s musical or romcom, but it's watchable and makes no pretensions of taking itself too seriously. FUN FACT: This film was the second feature film by cinematographer John Schwartzman (half-brother to Jason Schwartzman, stepson of Talia Shire, and nephew of Francis Ford Coppola), who'd later go on to earn an Oscar nomination and work on major films such as "Jurassic World," "The Amazing Spider-Man," "The Rock," and "Seabiscuit."

In what has to be one of the dopiest vampire comedies of them all, Dean Cameron of "Summer School" fame stars as Ralph, a centuries old vampire who doesn't suck blood or shun the daylight or anything like that. He just doesn't die. But he's living with an additional curse: every 22 years, he loses the love of his life, Mona (the adorable Tawny Fere) to a pirate sporting a rhinestone-encrusted peg leg and wielding a hambone. Seriously. This time, he's determined to break the cycle instead of being idle. He has the help of people like Chuck (cult icon Susan Tyrrell, "Forbidden Zone"), the Axman (Bo Diddley), and a barfly (Kevin Hunter), while the death-obsessed creep Stanley (a priceless Thomas Dolby) tries to play Van Helsing.

You know with a cast like that - with another music star, Toni Basil, playing Ralphs' mom Phoebe - that this merits a viewing on that basis alone. The material is often unbelievably lame and stupid, yet at the same time it's so utterly goofy that it's hard to resist. It's often styled just like a musical, with people like Cameron, Basil, and Fere belting out numbers; and the songs can be dumb, but like the movie itself, they can be catchy and still inspire some amused chuckles. As a plot point, Ralph and his friends form a band that doesn't adhere to one style - first, they're "Rockula", then they're "Rapula". A recurring gag is to have Ralph play off a mirror image of himself (another cliche of vampire lore is dispensed with here) that regularly goads and mocks him.

Co-written and directed by Luca Bercovici ("Ghoulies"), whose brother Hilary composed the score, this does generate some good vibes, punched across by an enthusiastic cast. Cameron is a likeable hero, Fere a sexy and endearing leading lady, and Basil is a hoot as the mom. Other familiar faces like Tony Cox ("Bad Santa"), Rick Zumwalt ("Over the Top"), and Bill Brochtrup ('NYPD Blue') turn up, but it's a crying shame that Diddley doesn't get more interesting things to do.

All things considered, "Rockula" has enough quirks to qualify it for some sort of cult status.

Six out of 10.

Gleefully cheesy movie that features Toni Basil, Thomas Dolby, Bo Diddley, and the furry eyebrows of Dean Cameron. Centuries-old vampire starts rock band to impress woman and overcome centuries-old curse. Along the way, we're treated to classic vampire rock and rap, a bit of blues, and even some Sheena-Eastonish prancing and pouting by Tawny Fere. Not a great movie by any estimation, but a good party flick.