L'affaire du siècle

I still can't point out what it is about "Hail Caesar" that I hated so much. On the surface, it feels like a harmless comedy. Obviously lame but harmless. But it keeps gnawing at you from the insides to the point where you just have difficulty watching it straight-through. I had to watch it in three or four separate viewings. I just couldn't sit through this lamebrain fluff for longer than thirty minutes!

I found this movie in the $4.88 bin, so naturally I wasn't expecting the Best Picture Winner for 1993, but I was curious about "HC" ever since I first heard about it. So I decided "What the heck?" and bought it along with a bunch of other discount videos at my local wholesale market. I'm sure Anthony Michael Hall gets cracked on a lot, and many consider him a "has-been." I still think he's a cool actor. I liked him a lot in "Sixteen Candles" and "The Breakfast Club." And recently, he showed off his talents as an adult actor in "The Caveman's Valentine." He's definitely a man with potential, but as for carrying on a starring role and directing? I don't think so. This directorial debut, and thankfully his only time directing, screams "amateur" from start to finish. Almost like a mediocre student film, meant to be enjoyed strictly by fellow students.

The big stars don't help much either. Sam Jackson is one of my favorite actors, and he appears briefly as a postman constantly getting chased by Julius' (Hall) dog. He's good in this small, supporting role, but he's not on screen enough to save the film. Old brat pack buddy Judd Nelson also has a supporting role and so does Robert Downey Jr. in his most hammy performance as a hyperkinetic wannabe music agent. Jackson, Nelson and Downey all appear very shortly but since marketing always finds ways to capitalize on the success of now-big stars, all three of them appear on the video cover.

The attempts at humor are totally lame, though I have to thank Hall a little bit for not being annoying about it. There's too many overdone, annoying comedies nowadays and that's the only reason why I'm going to thank him--even though the humor is way below par and only intermittently funny. The plot is very disorganized. It keeps on hopping from one subplot to another, and I can never get thoroughly involved. In the beginning, we're psyched up to thinking this is going to be about Julius and his dream to make the perfect band. But that gets pushed off to the side way too often. It mostly composes of an outlandishly predictable pseudo-love story between Julius and his would-be girlfriend (Bobbie Phillips), and her snobby, white-collar father who will do anything to make sure nothing happens between the two of them. The problem is, like all these stories go, the girl he's in love with...is a total bizotch!!!! There's not one appealing quality about her, other than the looks. Throughout the film, they don't do as much as come close to each other. How did the two of them get together in the first place? Yet he's in the band with this beautiful girl (Leslie Danon) who obviously been wanting him since they first met eyes. And here's the bonus: she's not a total bizotch!

Every once in a while, there comes a lost movie that happens to be really good. And you think to yourself, "Why has this movie been hidden for all these years?" This is not one of those movies. It has its (very brief) moments. That's all I have to say. All you Brat Pack fanatics eager to see more of Anthony Michael Hall's work better off buying the original B.P. features or rent them again. I'm hoping he will totally revive his career one of these days, but if this was an attempt for a revival--Sorry, try again.

My score: 3 (out of 10)

i don't remember anything about this movie other than it being completely terrible. it should be in the bottom 100, and it will someday as soon as it has enough votes.

1/10

You people are failing to see what this film really is! How do you expect all the sundry pay channels that gobble your hard earned money to possibly operate on a 24/7 schedule without airing movies like this once or twice or maybe even all day? Think people! It's We who bankrolled this little gem. Time was, an embarrassment such as this piece of utter garbage would be shipped to the guitar pick factory. Now, its called premium television.

With his hair dyed "mellow yellow" and some dark eye make-up, college failure Anthony Michael Hall (as Julius Caesar MacGruder) decides to be a rock star. When not jamming with his "Hail Caesar" band, Mr. Hall tries to make time with standoffish Bobbie Phillips (as Buffer). Her tycoon father, Nicholas Pryor (as Bidwell), doesn't want Hall in the family. He bets Hall cannot make $100,000 in six months, then hires him to work in one of his pink pencil eraser factories, where Kane Picoy (as Larry Remora) is sent to undermine Hall's efforts. At the factory, Hall stumbles discovers a secret project called "Big Pink" which spells trouble.

Keep your expectations low for "Hail Caesar" in spite of the names Mark Twain, Robert Downer Jr. and Samuel L. Jackson in the credits. They have small roles, along with Frank Gorshin and Judd Nelson, and the film is lightweight made-for-cable-TV fare. It's also notable for Mr. Hall's attempt to both star and direct. He sings well, and seems good at getting Hollywood friends together (even to embarrass themselves). Mr. Pryor is good as the father. It's also interesting to watch (from an actor's viewpoint) scenes wherein Mr. Picoy and the less veteran members of the cast gamely share the screen with their simultaneously directing co-star.

**** Hail Caesar (5/11/94) Anthony Michael Hall ~ Anthony Michael Hall, Nicholas Pryor, Bobbie Phillips, Kane Picoy

I have seen some bad movies in my life, but this is the worst in years. With the exception of Robert Downey Jr's 6 minutes (at 50 minutes into the movie) or Judd Nelson's 4 minutes (at 80 minutes in), there is nothing redemptive. Samuel L. Jackson must have been paying a bad debt, ant obviously Downey was being generous. Leslie Dannon as the love interest is reasonably hot (especially in the end), but her acting skills run the gamut of a to b. Downey's talent is so clear in the scene and a half that he is in, that he is without equal talent wise in this film.

For a brief time in the mid 80s, i thought that Hall had some talent, but I have been healed of this mistaken belief now. How he got the freedom and financing to direct, produce, and star in a movie, when Judd Nelson's career disappeared, is beyond me. In my humble opinion, Hall is not a pimple on Nelson's hind end (to paraphrase Joe Seneca in Crossroads). Furthermore, it is hard to take anyone seriously who appears to have made a serious effort at looking like Corey Haim.

In addition, the production values suck. The editing sucks. There are noticeable jumps in movement (as if it were stop motion photography) during the Downey Jr scene.

I might add in conclusion that it i would rather pass a kidney stone than listen to another song by Hall.