Police... secours!

I've sat through some dreadful films in my time, but this one may well be the all-time winner. I watched the whole thing with my mouth hanging open in stunned disbelief that it could be as bad as it was.

I was extremely interested in seeing the film around the time it came out. This was back when Nick@Nite was showing reruns of the old Car 54 TV show, and I was one of the many who was first exposed to it there and fell in love with it. My understanding was that it was this renaissance of cult interest in the show that motivated the making of a movie. So I was looking forward to seeing said movie.

The thing about this movie was, it seemed extremely evident that NOBODY associated with the making of this movie HAD EVER actually *seen* the original TV show upon which it is (supposedly) based. That the main characters are named Toody and Mulldoon seems almost a coincidence; they aren't even *remotely* like the original characters, except in so far as being cops. The original Car 54 TV show had a delightful, wacky sense of humor. This abomination of a film has NO sense of humor. I didn't not laugh once, not one single time. The original TV show had an amusing, catchy theme song. This thing had some monstrosity of a rap. What I will never, ever fathom is how *anybody* ever signed off on this thing at any stage in its development. I want to know who looked at the script for this and say "Yeah! That's great!" and what drugs they were on.

I remain in everlasting awe that they were able to propose, write, film, edit, and release a Car 54 film that had absolutely NOTHING to do with the great old TV show, Car 54, Where Are You. When you factor in the disappointment factor over what it could have been, I think this could well be the worst ever. There was just *no good reason* for it to have been this bad.

That's right, a Comic Genius created "Car 54, Where Are You?" His name was Nat Hiken and he created the BRILLIANTLY FUNNY TV series. It deeply saddens me that this film was ever made as it serves only to detract from how incredibly wonderful the original TV show was. That said, PLEASE don't judge the TV show by this moronic movie. If you have a chance to see the show, do so! DON'T think to yourself "Well if the film was that bad, then the TV series must be even worse!" Quite the contrary. The TV version is one of the funniest half hours of entertainment ever created. Every episode is a comic gem. Every character is terrifically hilarious and memorable. So in closing, I'll simply urge you yo go out and hunt down VHS copies and hold a marathon with all of your closest friends. The original "Car 54, Where Are You?" deserves to be discovered by a new generation of fans. Enjoy! You won't be disappointed.

My mission as of late has been to watch every single film on the list of 100 worst movies ever made. Right now I have scratched off around 20, with this steaming pile of rotting filth being one of them. Make no mistake, Car 54 is one of the single worst movies to come out of Hollywood, or as I like to call it, Evil Town (creative name, no?). I violently protest any of the other posters who claimed that some parts of this movie were either "average" or (shudder) "funnny." Nothing in this movie works, from start to finish, and to save the sanity of others I will try and express who bad things get. The opening scene features a truly horrible song and dance number which is badly filmed with a soft glow technique and features a cartoon canary that at one point dresses up like a rapper (oh yeah, no racial stereotypes here, no sir). Then we discover that this was the dream of our main character, a goofy cop played by the single most irritating man on the planet. Seriously, his voice and silly putty face made me want to shoot someone when he started talking. We then get the opening credits as a crappy rap song is played, one where a single verse is repeated 3 TIMES. God, was that excruciating, considering that during this song I got supposedly "wacky" footage of the cops acting silly. The rest of the movie is populated with characters NO ONE could love, a barely existing plot that has no chance of being stretched over 90 minutes, and who knows what else. Honestly I couldn't stomach much of this trash, since most of the humor is either obvious or downright nasty. Obvious example: the policemen keep going to donut stores when they're supposed to be working. OH, HAR HAR HAR. Is that supposed to be funny in 1994, much less 2003? Plus the fact that the entire thing is horribly outdated by its fashion, soundtrack, and slang. This was back when rappers wearing giant clock necklaces was considered "hip," so you can imagine the amount of bad fashion choices spattered throughout this film. Rosie O' Donnel makes her film debut here, and she crashes and burns I'm happy to say. Nasty example: the main character actually has sex with Rosie O' Donnel while screaming, "Oooh! OOOOH! OOOOOOOH!" You can't know it by reading that, but he says it in a "comical" way. Trust me, it's just plain nauseating. AVOID CAR 54, WHERE ARE YOU IF YOU VALUE THE PURITY OF YOUR SOUL. 0/4 stars

Oh my god! This has to be the worst f-----ing movie I've ever seen! I saw this when I was 10 years old and this gave me a stomache ache.... honestly! I'm not kidding. That's how bad it is. Serious. I'm a fan of John C. McGinley, but what the hell was he thinking?! Aaaah! This movie forever tarnished my image of Rosie O Donnell. I mean, she's obnoxious enough without watching this movie! Ech! AAh! I think this is the worst movie ever made!

This movie is not as bad as you may have heard. It is even worse. I actually saw this movie about 3 years ago, and I am just now getting around to reviewing it because it took me that long to wrap my brain around how insipid this film actually is. Only the presence of Jeremy Piven saves this from being 100% garbage. I think Jeremy was drunk and/or injected with horse tranquilizers for all his scenes; I would have to be intoxicated to appear in this movie, too. Without Mr. Piven to dilute the pain, I believe my VCR would have spontaneously combusted from bad movie overload. He is, however, only a tiny oasis of talent in the vast wasteland of crap that is known as "Car 54". Avoid, like you would small pox, plutonium or any other weapon of mass destruction.