Boy Meets Girl

Without question the very worst British film I have ever seen, this had me questioning my rental choice from literally the first frame (a Nietzsche quote on a pink background that looks like it was knocked up on a Fisher Price "My First Computer").

A bunch of friends apparently pooled their student grants together to make a film (I listened to the first 5 minutes of the director's commentary) and the result was this. Honestly it would have been better spent on beer and pork scratchings.

A woman picks up a man at a bar, drugs him, and 1 minute into the film he's strapped to a chair and an 85-minute torture sequence begins. Sounds great, right? Well not if that torture consists of her yelling ridiculous feminist mumbo-jumbo at him and quoting from books.

A remarkable film in that the victim's plight is less painful than the audience's, Boy Meets Girl contains the worst actors outside of a Timothy Hines flick, and photography to match. Every two minutes there's a horribly ugly title card, and this grainy mess of a film is broken up into little vignettes, most of which involve a new torture method. Things perk up when he gets his hand microwaved, but the big finale only excites because we know the film will soon be over.

Hopelessly inept in every conceivable way.

Ray Brady's "Boy Meets Girl" is a low budget, uncompromising and controversial shocker. When married-with-two-children Tim Poole sets out on yet another one-night-stand as an obscure drinking hole, he bites off more than he can chew. Finishing the evening in what appears to be the home-made dungeon of the psychotic Margot Steinberg, Poole's woes have only just started.

This is a grim tale that has gained much notoriety due to its initial home video /DVD ban in the UK. This censorship has now been lifted and the DVD can now be purchased from all good retailers. As I'd read a lot about this project many moons ago and seen the documentary series "Banned in the UK", I knew how things were going to pan out which reduced the tension somewhat. Despite this, it's quite a gripping and unpleasant experience that leaves a sour taste in the mouth.

I found the audio frustratingly unclear in places, annoying as this is a dialogue driven film. The more over-the-top violence is suggested rather than explicit but this works in its favour as it is not let down by cheap effects.

Tim Poole is great as the victim, Tevin. However, it's Margot Steinberg and Danielle Sanderson who really leave an impact on the viewer. This movie is enough to make you think twice about going back to a stranger's house for a night of no-ties passion. Its use of female protagonists is effective and deeply chilling.

6 out of 10. A lot of talking and psychological games fill out the running time but the experience is not as powerful as that of "Scrapbook". Some viewers will hate this movie as it's a slow paced affair but connoisseurs of modern horror may feel obliged to check it out.

Starting to work myself through the "Unearthed Films" I purchased recently, I decided to start with this interesting little take on a cross between "Man Bites Dog" and "Hard Candy". Basically a man picks up a woman at a bar, and they go back to her place. Big mistake. After passing out from a drugged drink, he wakes up finding himself strapped in a dentist chair, with this gorgeous woman ready to do as she pleases to him. The movie concentrates a lot on dialog and judgment regarding philosophical questions about society. Oh, and I might mention torture on her new guinea pig. The story takes a few twists and turns, but in the end, I found it very interesting despite the very low budget, the acting is top notch and the whole idea of the story pretty intriguing. It's nothing special, but a strange little film that "Unearthed" made available to people like me that like this sort of stuff.

From the Directors commentary we get the whole story of how this "film" came about:

Picture the scene: four students, a lot of beer, no money. "Hey" says one of them, "Why don't we make a film?". One of his slightly less moronic friends says: "But we have no money, we can't write scripts, no-one knows how to direct and no actors who can actually act will work with us!".

"Don't worry" replies the 1st student. "Leave all that to me..."

And thus Boy Meets Girl was born...

The genius of this film is that they entrusted all of crucial aesthetic elements to the least talented film-maker in the entire world - Ray Brady. He has now developed a cult following for making the most universally bad movies ever seen - he even surpasses Ed Wood.

The camerawork is worse than a home movie shot by a drunk, blind, amputee with CP. The dialogue is so stilted it conjures up visions of promotional catalogues for toenail clippers. The plot is non existent - man gets tied to a chair and tortured a lot - and it as about as "artsy" and "shocking" as bowl of soup. The acting reminds you of 1970's Open University programmes, but without the lecturers charm and on-screen charisma.

Basically this film takes self indulgent trite into a whole new dimension and you will leave it at best swearing never to watch a moving image on a screen for the rest of your life, and at worst planning genocide of the entire human race to ensure something like this is never made or seen again.

Fun for all the family!

Watching this savage look at the inner psyche of a twisted mind makes you shiver with fear, but you remain hooked with morbid fascination. Ignoring societies barriers, the film takes you through a world of sadism and pain, stripping away the rational filters which everyday life shrouds us in. This is a truly uncompromising work - going far further than "The Collector" dared to go. This is not a fun film - but it should be seen by anyone who ever wonders how far the human mind can go. A truly unique and important work.