The Unnamable II: The Statement of Randolph Carter

I accidentally rented Unnamable II tonight, thinking I was renting the original for the first time in a few years. (The original was one of my favorite Gothic horror films.) I was disappointed that I had grabbed the wrong movie, but still enjoyed seeing this one.

With the possible exception of The Godfather II, sequels never match the originals & this one is no exception. Still, Oulette does a good job in leading us through this dash through campus, with the hideous she-demon behind us. The idea of the split demon-normal girl is intriguing and the lovely Maria Ford is convincing as the 300-year-old coed. Mark Kinsey Stephenson is again solid as the scholarly and fearless Randolph Carter. (Doesn't every college English Department have a senior bookworm like this?)

My only complaint-and this is one I might not have even thought of before returning to grad school-is that the professors are all Scooby Dooish `all-knowing' doctors. Professor Warren (John Rhys-Davies) apparently is an oral folklore specialist within the English Department…unless he is possibly in sociology or some similar field. For him to have a passing knowledge of quantum physics is not unthinkable. For him to look at a mutilated body and tell claw marks from incisor marks is stretching it considerably. For a literature professor to be running around with a portable microbiology lab in his little black pouch, though, and setting up a microscope, etc., in a dank, dark cave and making glib pronouncements about the blood, however, is akin to no one suspecting `Old Hank' or whoever as being the Scooby Doo villain. Folks, as one who is around professors every day (and who hopes to BE a college history professor in a couple of years,) I can attest that the average English or history professor barely understands how to connect to the Internet or operate PowerPoint, let alone set up a mini-science lab in a dark cave in five minutes!

This one is okay, but I need to see the original again. Part of the reason I wanted to see the original tonight was so I COULD do an updated review. But that will come. People aren't exactly standing in line to do these two movies. Still, this one is definitely worth watching. Give it a chance!

This may be one of the greatest (and when I say the greatest,I mean THE GREATEST) horror film I've seen since SHOWGIRLS! The lead actor, Mark Kinsey Stephensen, channels the Mr. Tamborine man-size cajones of William Shatner with the acting range of a toaster oven not plugged in and with no muffins in it. The presence of veteran actors David Warner and John Rhys-Sallah-Gimli-Davies only heightens the cheese factor to Limburger-sized heights. This film contains AT LEAST 12 rewindable moments, including the gratuitous butt-shots of ham-sandwich sporting actress Maria Ford, the attack in a library by the Unameable on a bunch of mullet-coiffed cops, and an Obi-Wan Kenobi moment in which the LA Gear wearing sidekick is visited by the ghost of the Gorton's fisherman. Kudos to the supporting cast as well, from obviously gay George Takei wannabe pal to the hairy-kneed college student who looks like bastard love child of Fabio and Corey Feldman. Stack 'em high and dig in.

This movie was pretty good (Maria Ford being nude for over half an hour certainly helped!). It involved the Lovecraft Cthulu mythos, and they did a good job with them. I wish they identified what monster they were actually dealing with, but I guess the name wouldn't have worked then LOL. Peace.

This sequel to "The Unnamable" (1988) is actually a bit more interesting, as it's much more a mixture of things than the original was (it combines two Lovecraft stories this time, 'The Unnamable' & 'The Statement of Randolph Carter'). It flirts with quantum physics and other silly theories, even adding some comedic scenes to the events (which oddly enough do work). John Rhys-Davies is amusing as always, but lasts only half the movie. The always reliable David Warner has a cameo. Being a creature feature, the creature design (worn by actress Julie Strain) lives up to the expectations. The story picks up right after the events of the first film and meanders in slightly different directions this time. Just like the first film, which was much more a slasher-orientated effort, this sequel's hardly a masterpiece. But it's got some spirited moments, a handful of nasty kills and it remains a fun, entertaining watch nonetheless. The beautiful Maria Ford steals most of the show here, as she's walking around completely nude during half of the movie's running time. Furthermore, "The Unnamable II" stays true to the spirit of Lovecraft with a lot of amusing inside references to his works. So fans should be pleased, since a lot worse Lovecraft adaptations have been made throughout the years.

I wanted to see what was out there for Lovecraft stuff to get in the mood for Halloween and came up with this movie. An absolutely stupid choice of lead actor combined with a really bad script makes the whole thing kind of "Killer Tomatoes" cool.

This kind of thing happens in the story: They go into some underground tunnels beneath a graveyard with no plan, no guns, no secret charm, just Don Knotts and Mr. French going to see if the monster that killed 4 people last night is still there. They find this crazed demon-infested girl and reach near it's hugely-fanged face to pull out a hair to study. Just one dumb idea after another.

My favorite part? Check out the sound it makes when the deputies are shooting the lock at the end.

I didn't see the first movie, but I don't think I needed it to review this.