Troll 3: Contamination

I'm prompted to write this review because my cable company is promoting this... feature film... as a PAY PER VIEW. I kid you not.

Let me open by saying that it's not the worst film I've even seen. That honour goes to US Seals. It's not even the worst horror; there's a dubbed Swedish monstrosity involving terrified cats being thrown at bored actors that just (JUST) edges out Crawlers.

Let's count our blessings though. The production company that "funded" this movie is an Italian outfit that thankfully hasn't managed to branch out beyond the likes of "Troll 2" and "Quest For The Mighty Sword (aka Ator III: The Hobgoblin)". And both of the writers had never written anything before - and haven't written anything since. Let's be thankful for that.

Let's face it, the only reason anybody knows about this movie is that it was st one point known as "Troll III" in an attempt to cash in on the infamous "Troll II". Problem was like Troll II it had nothing to do with the original movie or had anything to do with trolls, goblins or a town called Nilbog.

No instead here we're dealing with radioactive trees that were created using toxic waste. And yes, that is as stupid as it sounds. It's not even an enjoyably bad movie. It's dull, boring and totally not worth your time. I actually got this on one of those multiple DVD sets where they put 4 movies onto the same disc, or two discs in this case, and because you want to see one of them you wind up seeing all four just to see how bad they are. And trust me. They're bad.

So yeah there is no reason to see this movie even out of morbid fascination. It's just not worth it.

The movie is bad on its own, regardless of it being passed off as a sequel to other bad Troll movies. It has an odd feel because though it looks to be actually shot in pretty good United States Locations it is directed by an Italian or Italians and so the way English is spoken sounds foreign and the actors are, sorry to say, really bad. Unlike many of these Italian productions they didn't spend or didn't have money to drag any American name actors into the movie leaving us with what seems like a totally amateur cast.

This can be seen now under its original title and in HD on cable and that may be a hate crime against those who watch it but at least it's not pretended to be something it's not.

The "monster" in the movie is a bunch of not very convincing tree roots that actor struggle to pretend to fight with--usually to pretty unconvincing results. It tries a sort of Psycho plot set up which has a lousy and bloodless pay off. The gal in this segment is sort of appealing and very attractive in somewhat skimpy clothing--but don't expect any nudity from her. Most of the deaths are bloodless=cheaply done. Also the movie has no nudity and no style and not much sense.

There is some decent helicopter footage of actual wilderness and towards the end some nice bulldozers at night "attacking" the monster roots--though this sequence also features a funny Tonka Toy miniature that ruins that scene. Also the movie features a toy helicopter explosion.

A poorly made film that is barely pro level production, the acting and casting is really bad and so there is nothing to keep you going between badly done very stiff tentacle tree root attack scenes that come pretty few and far between.

I kind of enjoyed the freeze frame ending. Easily one of the most poorly made films of its era. Has some high=low lights but is for the most part a slow ride of filler material of family drama etc.

Music score is cheesy and dated and would have sounded just as cheesy and dated when the movie was new. There is one memorable scene between angry town people and evil corporate exec that almost makes this a must see for bad movie fans. The only person who should not feel bad about being involved in this movie is whoever was the location scout.

The future of bad movies seemed grim and uncertain during the mass-destruction of the American drive-ins...but with dreck like THE CRAWLERS continuing to pop up, there may be hope for the future of schlock after all.

About the film...it involves a small town being threatened by creeping carnivorous tree roots(rubber garden hoses, in all honesty). Take this hopeless premise to further lows by putting it in unsteady hands of monolithic movie-making incompetence. Now, provide a cast of featureless thesps, and give the dire results of these efforts a misleading re-title which implies that it's a follow-up to something which in no possible way could have generated enough enthusiasm to merit such an endeavor. PRESTO! there you have it. Instant bad-movie gold.

I own a copy, and you should, too. 3.5/10

The movie that end all bad movies - I could do better with a videocamera and no script. . I've seen a couple of bad films in my life, but I never have seen a movie as bad as this one before. This movie is a HUGE mistake, After I watched The Crawlers, I got sick for the entire week in bed because of it. But you have to rent this movie, trust me folks...the worst effects, and down right horrible acting...but that's what's good about it! I couldnt stop laughing for days. All in all, the best worst movie of all time. Rent and watch it with friends for good laughs.