The Turning

I've seen some "bad" movies in my time, but this one is really rancid. The ever lovely Gillian Anderson is the only even remotely redeeming quality of this film. If, like me, you just must see Gillian in a role other than Scully, have your remote handy and be prepared to fast forward through most of this horrible movie.

The Turning (L. A. Puopolo, 1992)

If you've actually made the effort to seek out this film, you did so for one reason and one reason only. And nothing I can say will sway you from renting it. But I'll try anyway.

This film, the acting debut of Gillian Anderson, is well-known among connoiseurs as containing Ms. Anderson's only semi-nude scene. Hate to spoil your fun, but the stills you've seen online are digitally-enhanced.

And everything you've heard about how awful the movie is, aside from the thirty seconds or so in question, is completely true. Clifford Harnish, a white separatist Marine (Michael Dolan, a character actor who often plays military types, most recently in TNT's original film The Hunley), comes home after spending four years away. His girlfriend (Anderson) is working as a waitress for her father (who never liked Clifford in the first place, and likes him less so now), his parents (Raymond Barry, who plays Senator Matheson in The X-Files, and Tess Harper, who has a penchant for playing "leading man's wife" in various films) have broken up, and dad is dating the local chanteuse, Glory Lawson (Karen Allen). Everything is predictable; everything is glacial; everyone manages to turn in the worst roles of their careers (and everyone except Anderson had already turned in pretty long careers by this time). Please, for god's sake, avoid this film like the plague. By far the worst thing I've seen this year. (zero stars, of course)

I got this "fine film" on VHS a week ago, and my expectations were sky high. "Yesssss! Gillian naked!", I thought. She looked all hot and ready on the cover. I looked at the back, and it said that she "sheds both her clothes and her inhibitions." Well...

She does both of those things, I guess, but come on...I got a glimpse of a breast her or there for about two-three seconds, but that was it. And she`s in this turkey-flick for about ten minutes! But I gotta say, I have started to like it a little. Gillian plays brilliantly, and I think the accent is really good...and kinda cute on her. The movie is really, really tedious and a big bore, but it`s just that which makes it fun...you know? It`s kinda "camp".

I can imagine this is what it would look like if Ed Wood got to do an episode of "Twin Peaks." Boring, un-interesting conversations which go on and on, set against a small town in the woods, where everybody knows everybody. Maybe Ed would have done a better job than L.A. Puopulo has, though...

The Turning resulted in possibly the most exploitative advertising campaign in video retail history. Released in England during the peak of X-Files popularity, the video cover was a single shot of Gillian Anderson, her hands tentatively grasping her blouse. The implication was clear – it screamed out "this is a film where Scully goes topless."

As it turns out, Anderson, billed fifth, appears for less than eight minutes of the 88-minute running time, sporting a ludicrous "southern" accent. Her exposed breasts, never seen in full anyway, occupy less than ten seconds of screen time. Maybe really sad X-File fans would be satisfied with around half a minute of her bare back.

You might think that this served people right, that it was scores of masturbatory X-File fans getting their just desserts. But I think exploiting people in such a transparent way is very cruel, not to say dishonest. Her minor role, and the fact that her sexuality plays no real part in proceedings, even causes the cover to be questionably within the trade descriptions act.

So what of the film itself? Well, the story centres on Clifford, a character whom I couldn't decide whether he had learning difficulties or was just played that way. I don't mean that remark in bad taste, by the way – he really is portrayed like that. Questions over what kind of person he is are subtly built up by having him wearing a T-shirt with a swastika on it. Just in case you don't get the message, the incidental music helpfully contains a few "hails!" when he talks. That said, Michael Dolan does give a reasonable performance, much better than most of his co-stars, who were surely familiar with the words "TV" and "Movie" being in close proximity.

The dialogue often resorts to platitudes, though is generally inoffensively mediocre. One humorous moment is where Clifford describes "the three of us" (him, his mother and his father) and – whether intentionally or not I do not know – paraphrases Casablanca, with "don't add up to a stack o'cows**t." Humphrey would have been proud.

The adequate direction steals one or two riffs from Deliverance, though fails to build up any sense of tangible menace. The rather so-so domestic tale of a bunch of estranged rednecks; they could easily be guests on the Jerry Springer Show under the title "My Son Is A Nazi". Not bad, not great, this is a film that has "average" written all the way through it. Just one question – why is it called The Turning???

How on Earth was this movie allowed to even be made? The ONLY and I mean ONLY reason that I even wasted my time watching this movie was because it supposedly "starred" my all time favorite Actress, Gillian Anderson. But Gillian, honey. What were you thinking?! This movie lacked any kind of plot of character development. I am wondering who sold their soul to the devil...or paid someone off to even get this film made. They so slyly put Gillian's picture on the cover of the movie to lure people in. And then she's in the movie for about 5 minutes. This movie was so boring that it had me wanted to fast forward to the scenes with Gillian in them. I can't believe Gillian ever even got another role after appearing in this sad, sad excuse for a movie. I am now dumber as a result of watching this film.